Ms. Cheevious in Hollywood

My Zany Years Spent Working in Tinsel Town

MsCheevious

There will be no stopping you

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THERE WILL BE NO STOPPING YOU

 

#Review

#Contest

 

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Hang with me here people, because I have a very special give-away you’ll want to know about, and I didn’t write this article for my health. It’s all for you, my pets.

 

They say the common denominator between successful, wealthy, talented people is their voracious appetite for reading.

 

Interesting isn’t it? I thought for sure polishing the chrome on the Rolls, finding the perfect purse-sized dog, or casting a new reality show would be it, but pay attention here because I don’t say this very often: I’m dead wrong.

Warren Buffet said in a Fox interview that he reads seven major publications including the Wall Street Journal, the Financial Times, the New York Times and USA Today from cover to cover daily! That’s a hefty reading list. Then again, he can afford to have each publication hand delivered and read allowed to him by a tuxedo-clad porter who follows him around.

I always say, “Imitation is not only the highest form of flattery, it’s also a GREAT way to achieve what the other guy did.”

Although we may not be quite as wealthy as Warren and able to get our news spoon fed to us, it’s OKAY, because our computers, tablets and smart phones can help us with the imitation part. 

Allow me to introduce you to a nifty app and website I like to refer to as my wealth-accumulation assistant. It’s called PRESSREADER.

It’s the busy-but-not-yet-ridiculously-wealthy person’s way to stay up-to-date, informed, educated and well-traveled.

 

Because we all know that reading news and other types of publications from around the world is one of the next best things to being there. 

 

Plus it makes your brain work better, and raises you intelligence. The Boob Tube cannot do that for you in the same way.

You can read more national and international news, stories and tidbits than you can handle right from your computer or device with PRESSREADER. 

Why, just today I read the news in USA Today International and the Washington Post! It works just like an old-school microfiche or microfilm at the library (but with your computer mouse or a swipe of your hand on your device). You do remember that microfiche stuff, right? That thing where you could read full length publications by scrolling left to right and zeroing in on a specific article? PressReader is much more sophisticated. Everything is LIVE and is presented just as the real printed publication looks. If it’s in color, you see it that way, right on your computer. 

Pure awesomeness.

USA Today International on Press Reader

The Washington Post on Press Reader

 

I’m working my way up to seven publications a day between my crack habit of looking at puppies on Facebook and video taping myself dancing around the living room with loaves of yummy bread, but hey, I’m off to a good start.

The good folks at PressReader sent me this subscription so I could try it… and I LOVE IT. And guess what?

PressReader is offering a FREE ONE YEAR SUBSCRIPTION to one of you lucky people too.

That’s one big giant WOOT, right?

The cool thing about this service, is I can look at publications from around the world!

Next on my list are publications from Italy (my mother’s native country) so I can brush up on my Italian.

Best Movie - Italian Publication on Press Reader

 

Il Tempo Italian Publication on Press Reader

 

Spain and Mexico will follow. MUST.PRACTICE.SPANISH.

And you know what? Once you’ve worked your way up to seven major publications a day, there will be NO stopping you.

Enter the contest in the Rafflecopter below – or if you’re reading this in your email, click here. If your browser doesn’t show the Rafflecopter below, hit refresh and GET TO IT! Come back daily to increase your chances!

I will email the winner and announce it on the Ms. Cheevious Facebook and Ms. Cheevious Twitter accounts in two weeks! Good luck everyone!

Press Reader

 

 

Press Reader

 

If you can’t see the RAFFLECOPTER giveaway to enter below, click here to enter on my Facebook page

https://www.facebook.com/IamMsCheevious?sk=app_228910107186452

 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

And my official rating for this PressReader service / app / website?

 

Press Reader Rating

 

UPDATE 2.18.14: A new search on my app returned TWO publications in Boston, the Herald & Metro USA (Boston). Woohoo!

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It’s all about the loophole

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IT’S ALL ABOUT THE LOOPHOLE

 

#DailyMischief

 

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I was called in for Jury Duty this week. Correction: I postponed my mandatory jury duty service (from last November) to this week.

My true confession over this is I would be overjoyed to be able to exercise my freedom as an American and serve on a jury. Really and truly. Pinky swear.

And I know I’m not alone in this. You’ve fantasized about kicking some criminal booTAY on a jury ever since you watched your first episode of Law and Order (and for you ancient – ahem – Nick at Nite types, maybe it was Perry Mason). It’s true. Admit it. We both have fantasized, even though we know the system works against itself and is one flawed MOFO. If you happen to be one of the few people who disagrees with me on this, I have just two more words for you:  CASEY ANTHONY.

O.J.

Black Glove.

George Zimmerman.

Lorena Bobbitt.

Apparently I have a lot of words.

And those trial lawyers are crafty sonsabitches. But hey, I may not have killed anyone or anything like that, per se, but I’ve wished some pretty bad things. Things like my neighbor falling in a ditch and never coming back, ‘n stuff. And if that were punishable by death (or at ALL) I’d want one of those people on my side doing some fancy footwork.

Called to the Bench

 

I postponed my original jury duty in November when I was about to leave town to join M.C. Nugget in Arizona on his film set. I wasn’t about to miss that, and the court said I could only postpone this last time. So I did. I picked this week, not knowing what the future held, or that some of our very best friends would choose this FRIDAY, VALENTINE’S DAY to get married (during the day, no less).

OY.

I needed some fancy footwork of my own.

Here’s what I did:

  1. I reported for duty, on time, as directed.
  2. I listened carefully to the verbal instructions of the boss lady in the jury room. (My ear was tuned in for any clues that might help… things like being “EXCUSED” and whatnot. When it came up, my brain zeroed in on everything she said).
  3. I followed her directions implicitly, and after a brief interview with a woman who wanted some fitness tips, I got my official EXCUSED stamp.

Actually, I discovered my footwork didn’t even have to be that fancy. When it comes to dealing with the county clerk’s office, the hall of records, the courts… hell, basically any government office or agency, your footwork can be…eh… mediocre. You’d probably still be okay even if you can’t dance at all. 

There is always a way to delay, distract, discombobulate or defer.

There is always a loophole.

 

In the end I found mine, which I’d love to share with you, but because I don’t want the courts to read this and decide to crack down on people with excuses like mine, I’ll leave it to your imagination and incredible ingenuity. Just trust me. I got out of it and it was all about the loophole.

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photo credit:
myfuture.com / Foter / CC BY-ND

Six things to know when you think you’re hot… or not

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SIX THINGS TO KNOW WHEN YOU THINK YOU’RE HOT… OR NOT

 

#Review

 

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When the good people at Hot or Not asked me to take a look at their app, I was intrigued. I’ve been around long enough to remember the days when the Hot or Not website first launched. Oh, the uproar it caused among civilized citizens (among whom I did not belong). I was married at the time and really couldn’t be bothered, but meh… I thought it was a funny idea, even if Bill O’Reilly thought otherwise.

My review of the app itself is below (for you impatient types). I offer some hearty, useful advice for the people who think they’re “hot” but obviously dozed off during “SELFIES 101…”

…but first I think I’ll pontificate:

It is now 2014, and these people decided it was time to up their game. I mean… it’s now an interactive app for IOS* and Android* for goddsakes.

Because I am currently miffed at Apple and refuse to upgrade to IOS 7 on my iPhone, I couldn’t use the app there (first issue). Good thing Nuggie got an Android tablet for Christmas.

In a matter of moments I was signed into Facebook, had the app on the device and logged into the Hot or Not world.

I suppose I should be up to snuff on these dating apps via osmosis. I have a few friends who play around on Tinder, OK Cupid, Match.com etc… But you guys, this has exploded in the five years since Nuggie and I started chasing each other around the living room!

To channel my inner senior citizen here, back in my day, we actually had to be intelligent writers (okay, maybe not) who could build a stellar online dating profile to go anywhere in the Match.com or J-Date communities. We searched the archives of our computers for photos that made us look AWESOME and we perused and poked or prodded others who looked appealing. My girls and I use to join the sites as “free” members. That meant you couldn’t contact anyone. The incessant poking or grinning (or whatever) could continue ad nauseum, but no actual email contact was allowed without a paid membership. We waited until someone who seemed worthy of the twenty bucks made contact, and then we paid our fee for some dating what-what. That’s just how it worked.

Not anymore.

It’s a whole new ball game now, boys and girls.  

Now, you get a FREE APP, you log in, you give the app permission to a) post whatever the hell it wants to your Facebook profile, b) to spend your money, c) read your private diary and d) to claim your first born; Then, voila! You’re up and running! [joking about the money and diary of course]

 

Here are those hearty and useful tips and things to note as promised, and herein lies my review (my rating is further below):

 

1. If you have any “photos of you” on Facebook that are not, in fact you, do not use Facebook to login to Hot or Not!  Otherwise one of your profile photos that will come up on Hot or Not may be your dearly departed mother. Even though she’s a hottie, and may garner you more votes, just don’t.

Dearly Departed Mother as my Hot or Not Pic

 

2. This useful tip is for the app makers. Below is the menu for the app. Ignore the icons along the top (those are icons showing what’s open on the tablet itself). The main thing that’s missing from below is an APP SETTINGS or APP ABOUT section. If I’m going to use an app, I want to know where it’s going to share the information I post or respond to. I also want options to turn some of that shit OFF. I want to know what happens when I “heart” or click when I think someone is “hot.” Does it send them a message? Does it just add to their “score?” These are important things to know. But let’s dissect what the menu DOES

a) LISA JEY – if clicked takes you to the images of you that others will see (as in above image). You can go to deeper levels to see and edit your language and about settings.

b) HOT OR NOT – this is where you peruse peeps and click the HOT OR NOT option based on the various pics that show up for them.

c) CONNECTIONS – I’m not sure how this works, but if you click on this as a newbie, it says “The more you play Hot or Not, the more connections you’ll have!”  I’ve been playing all morning, and I don’t have any yet. PFFF…

d) SCORE – my Score page says my score is not ready yet. It says if I rate other people, I will get rated back. DOES THAT MEAN EVERY GUY I RATE AS “NOT” CAN RATE ME BACK? If that is the case, guess what? NO INTELLIGENT HUMAN WILL USE THIS APP WITH A REAL IDENTITY. Note – I said intelligent.

Screen Shot 2014-02-04 at 11.36.05 AM

 

3) While perusing profiles to either “heart” or to X out of my world for eternity, I stumbled upon a couple of chicks in the mix. While I appreciate the beauty of women, I was not sure how to react to these photos. Do the Hot or Not gods want me to be friends with girls, so they’re showing me some to rate? What happens if I X them out? More importantly, what happens if I “heart” them? Will they think I’m a lesbo?  These are REAL questions by REAL people. Me.

In an effort to be forthright since I am not a lesbian, I clicked “X.” Didn’t want to send the girls the wrong message (the fact I’m doing a review and not really looking to meet anyone on this app, notwithstanding).

Hot or Not... GIRLS?

 

4) I found a very large percentage of the guys on the app to be YOUNG… like 18-20ish. I suppose it’s to be expected, but I couldn’t go there. I have friends who have and would, but NOT ME. I like a MAN with some good EXPERIENCE under his belt (no pun intended).

Youngins on hot or not

5) If you post a photo that has only a portion of your head showing wayyyyy over in the corner of the photo, with some contraption you think we’ll be impressed by — “X.”

 

The "what the heck is this" photo on hot or not

 

6) Guys, if you have a slew of photos on the app, MAKE SURE THE PHOTOS RESEMBLE WHO YOU ARE NOW. Don’t show me one from your days as a rocker twenty years ago, and one of you in the military in your golden days. People (read: GIRLS) want to see what you look like NOW, not a timeline of your life in photos! I realize because of facebook, my photos displayed do not represent me, but you can delete any photos and upload new ones.

Represent who you really are, because if there is any suspicion to the contrary… it’s an X

Three of these things belong together…. but one (or two) of these things just doesn’t belong… Which of these ARE you?

One Person on Hot or Not?

 

MY CONSENSUS & RATING:

Overall, the app works great. It’s not slow or sluggish, and it’s pretty responsive. I believe it would be a much cooler app and more widely appealing if they added some features (suggested above). In the end, I’ll take my cues from a phrase in app itself “The more you play Hot or Not, the more connections you’ll have.” If you view this as a way to frivolously play the “game” of love, and not a serious way to find your life-partner or to define your worth or clout in the dating arena, I think you’ll enjoy it. It’s a fun and different way to connect with some other potentially fun and different people (in some cases that’s the understatement of the year).

RATING:

As a fun diversion or game not to be taken too seriously:

Hot or Not Rating as a Game

In terms of meeting your lifelong partner?

Hot or Not Rating as Serious Relationship App

Download the App and Start Dating at TryHotorNot.com

Check out Hot or Not on Facebook
Enter for your chance to win a $1000 gift card! Enter by February 15, 2014

 

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* IOS refers to the operating system of iPhones and iPads for you non-geeks, and Android is the system on the Samsung Galaxy or any other number of non-Apple smart phones/tablets.

I’m pretty gluten-ous

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I’M PRETTY GLUTEN-OUS

 

#DailyMischief #Health #Diet

 

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I’m sure you already know this, but for the last four weeks, M.C. Nugget and I have been GLUTEN-FREE. The #DailyNugget hilariously reflected Nuggie’s struggle to be totally gluten free (here and here). It was my idea and I am happy to take the blame – er – credit. The reason I wanted to do this was because I’d already been thinking long and hard about the inevitability of my going on the GAPS diet one day in my future (something that will completely restore the flora of my intestines to a naturally healthy state).

Don’t stop reading. It’s really a thing.

So, in an effort to sort of wax GAPS, without all the upheaval to my daily routine (because it’s a whole giant lifestyle change, with real deprivation and insanity), I posited a Gluten-Free Month to Nuggie. I knew if he were game, I could certainly do it, cuz’ PFFFF… I’d be stuck then. I can’t let him outdo me (or anyone I posit something to, for that matter).

Nuggie survived pretty well on the gluten-free train too (though he may argue the contrary). When he realized that BEER is UTTERLY, TOTALLY, AND COMPLETELY GLUTEN IN A GLASS – well, then it was all over. He wanted to take his ball and go home.

February 1st was our first GLUTEN-OUS day after 30-days on the diet. So, on Friday night, January 31st we went to our neighborhood coffee shop and picked up a red velvet cupcake for each of us to wake up to. I know. We’re so friggin’ cute! We made our first day of being GLUTEN-Y a thing.

But hang on, because there is more.

I actually feel lighter. I look lighter. I feel more energetic, and guess what? Being gluten-free was NOT that hard. I rather enjoyed it.

… though, I must admit, I do love my bread. And I mean I LOVE MY BREAD.

So, then I had this dream….

No I'm NOT licking the bread! #GlutenFree

If you cannot see the video box above, you simply MUST click this link and watch this video, because M.C. Nugget’s camera skills and direction are UNMATCHED! http://youtu.be/md7CzNweoGY

Now let’s recap so you all remember this is a #HEALTH post:

After one month of being Gluten Free

1) I feel lighter

2) I look lighter

3) I feel more energetic

4) Being Gluten-Free was NOT that hard.

I highly recommend at least trying it. Then send me your dreamy video, would you?

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I perfected the walkaway after this…

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I PERFECTED THE WALKAWAY AFTER THIS…

 

#DailyMischief

#HealthyAttitudes

 

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A few weeks ago, M.C. Nugget and I (along with his friend Bogey) attended a star-studded wedding party. It was the wedding of the guy who directed a film Nuggie and Bogey wrote back in the day. Now… when I say star-studded, I mean, the couple hired a TON of quasi-famous people to perform or participate in the wedding “after-party.”  We were only invited to the after-party, because the couple opted for this, rather than a huge formal wedding and reception (their actual nuptials were the day before the party, with select friends and family).

Bacall, Bogey’s main squeeze, couldn’t make it, but she put out a challenge to anyone who could spot an ice sculpture first.

I thought that was interesting. It’s not like I think “ice sculpture” when I think wedding. But meh… who am I to think of weddings anyway?

It was extravagant. It felt like we were at the Golden Globes.

Did I mention, we decided we’d rather go to this kind of wedding after-party all day long, then attend the formal wedding of people we don’t really know well?

Suffice it to say – we had F*U*N people. Open Bar, Delicious-Food-A-Plenty… What more could we ask?

How about the friggin BRIDE learn some manners??

To be fair, after my second martini, I decided to go up to the bride (whom I’d met very briefly ONCE) to let her know I approved of her dress. Because, this would be a treat for any bride on her special day, to know that I, Ms. Cheevious, approved. Right?

I walked up to her, tapped her on the shoulder, reminded her of how we met, and said,

I love your dress. It’s GORGEOUS!

Pretty brilliant eh?

Yeah… she was dumbfounded. She said thanks, and  sort of turned her back to me to talk to the other five hundred people clamoring for her attention.

The problem is… well… THERE I WAS, standing there. AWKWARDLY.

So what does one do, when one is turned away from suddenly?

The WALKAWAY people. The F-ing, Tail-between-the-leg-over-perceived-rejection-where-there-is-none WALKAWAY. I’m an expert now. I PERFECTED that mother-fucker. Yes. I said the F word.

But look at the pretty pictures of what this party was like!

It started like any other star-studded event in Hollywood… with a red carpet.

Nuggie, Bogey and I arrive at the Wedding of the Century

 

Then, the FIRST thing we saw upon entry, was this beautiful, elaborate ….

photo 1-1

ICE SCULPTURE (that Bacall is one WISE SAGE)!!!

 

photo 3-3 

These girls below did an AWESOME burlesque number:

photo 2-2

 

This gal’s job? Just stand there and look confused and bewildered:

photo 2-1 

One cannot have a star-studded Hollywood wedding without a little contortion. Just sayin’.

photo 1-2

 

photo 4-1

 

They also had not one, but TWO of the Dancing with the Stars couples performing a few of their numbers. And I know Chelsie Hightower which made it even cooler… I was so glad to see her, I emailed her on the spot to say “You’re here? Woot!”

Chelsie Hightower performed

 

Then – we were treated to a rare performance by Mr. RICK SPRINGFIELD and his one-hit wonder, 8-6-7-5-3-0-99999999!

8-6-7-5-3-0-999999

 

The takeaway? Have a healthy attitude, regardless of what goes on. But also: Know when to hold em… know when to fold em… know when to (do the) WALKAWAY (and of course… know when to run).

 

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