I WALKED INTO A BAR

#DailyMischief

I didn’t take a photo last night while at dinner, even though I knew I planned to tell you a story about it. So, this photo is of some random place I’ve never been. I simply wasn’t thinking of you guys or a photo at dinner. I blame the wine.

But you know… sometimes I think Enough already, Lisa. You do NOT have to snap a photo every godforsaken place you go. So, instead you get one that looks like I should have been THERE. My neighborhood bistro / bar La Vecchia is pretty cool with the right photography, too, but I definitely want to go to the place in THIS photo.

: Stuck in Customs / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-SA

Vecchia has a rockin happy hour, so the bar is always packed (which is where you must sit to get the happy hour deals). You guys, they have about three SALAD options on their happy hour menu for about 6 bucks (plus their cab-sav is pretty great). I am obsessed with Vecchia as a result and almost always want to go there. It’s when they bring the hot baked bread and olive oil which really tastes best when paired with rigatoni bolognese, that things go south. You guys! Dangle that yumminess in front of me, and all thoughts of living healthy are like – “What’s your name? And… you would be?” – basically forgotten. Which is why I do not always go to Vechhia.

I got in without much of a wait since I was alone (don’t forget, Nuggie is in Tucson on a film), and I sat down next to a nice guy who was also flying solo (his gal went to Panama to settle a land dispute. WOW). Robert worked in Music Publishing. He was telling me about his industry… how Sony is the biggest in the publishing arena. He said the thing that everyone says when they aren’t working (myself included) – that the business has changed incredibly over the years. Then he laid this on me. He said:

Sony Publishing bought EMI in partnership with David Geffen and some other really rich guys.

I almost spit my wine out, I just found that so funny. I said, “Really? Some other really rich guys? I need me some of those so I can buy some things…”

We all really need at least one of those.

Better yet. Let’s BE one of those. God knows I plan to be “a really rich guy” (you know what I mean) one day.

Can I get an AMEN!

Such a funny little experience makes me think perhaps this walking into a bar thing should become a regular thing.

….

Oh wait….

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While out for happy hour one evening, M.C. Nugget shared a riddle with me. The riddle goes like this:

A farmer has to get to the market with three items: a fox, a chicken and bag of corn.

To get to the market he must cross a river. But his boat will only fit himself and one item.

Knowing that if he leaves two behind, the fox will eat the chicken and the chicken will eat the corn… then how does he get himself and his three items safely across the river?

foxchickengrainpuzzle_8397 — A slight variation on the riddle…

I arrived at the answer to this Pulitzer prize-winning collection of words as I usually do after a cocktail or two: I looked at him doe-eyed, rambled on about a few things for distraction purposes, then snuggled up to him with tears in my eyes. If you know M.C. in person, you know he likes to get his laugh. This means that no matter how easy and obvious the answer to his damn riddle, he’ll give up the answer because, well… He must have closure.

So without further ado.. here is the answer that will solve all the problems of the universe:

The farmer takes the chicken over first, leaving the fox and bag of corn behind.

He goes back and gets the fox.

When he returns to the far bank, he leaves the fox, but puts the chicken back in the boat and takes it with him.

Back at his first bank, he puts the chicken on the bank, and the corn in the boat and takes that to the other side.

He then returns to the first bank, grabs the chicken, sails back to his final destination (the other side) and voila! All three are on the other side safely.

Yep. That’s super-human feats of efficiency for ya’ folks. FOUR damn round trips.

When M.C. gave me this earth-shattering answer, I looked at him in disbelief.

“FOUR trips? Are you kidding me?” I said.

“Look,” I half-slurred, “Here’s how I’m going to tell this riddle.”

In my riddle, I would not be a farmer. I’d be me… Ms. Cheevious. The chicken would have a magic ability to lay golden eggs (but of course) for just one week (Otherwise, why would I get rid of it at all?). I would then sell the chicken for a lifetime supply of vodka (I’d had two cocktails when I came up with this. What can I tell you, other than I am a light weight?). I would trade the fox for a beautiful faux fur (because, one can never be too glamorous… but we must also be kind to our furry friends),

and I would trade the corn for a party size platter of Chocolate Lasagna (yes, this is a real thing).

Then I would get to the other side in only THREE trips, and host the best damn party EVER.

By the end I would still have my lifetime supply of vodka and my glamorous fur. Problem solved. What was the problem again?

This is why any responsible person would say “happy hour is over, lady.” But my dears, there is a moral to the story. With a little ingenuity, chocolate and vodka can solve just about anything! If you’re extra brilliant, you’ll solve the world’s problems more efficiently, and in style.

Am I right?

Don’t answer that.

I have to take a nap now.

Love you people!!!! Mmmmppphhhuuuhhh!!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

aka Lisa Jey Davis

Editor in [Mis]Chief

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