This is no secret muthahhh fuhgahhhs

The fact that I’ve been fighting off a bout of some muthahhh fuhgahhhn dizziness is no secret. The cat is out of the bag.

Fighting is a good word for it. I’m about ready to unleash the flying monkeys on that badass muhthaaah fuhggahhn dizziness. Why? Because dammit, I will not stop doing what I love or need to do because parts of my body do not want to cooperate from time to time. I’m over that shit.

So today, wobbly as I was, I went and kicked some ass at my regular workout (a video of what I do is here). I am also a certified trainer in this hell-but-love-the-results workout.

 

I did it despite the vertigo for two reasons: 1) because this is what we must do, if we do not want to become FAT, wobbly Jabba-the-Huts; and 2) This weekend is my high school reunion, and I want to ROCK IT.

But while I was working my ass off (no pun intended, but it’s relevant), I was telling the instructor (who knows about all of my surgeries from the last couple of years) how not only have I been struggling with this damned vertigo, but I was in two car accidents within a span of a week, which caused some severe whiplash.  She responded with an appropriately astonished “Oh my GOD!” So, I replied, “Yeah! It’s as if something out there wants to “get” me! I tell ya!”

Then she did it.  The thing I hate to hear from people who think they know why you got sick, or you had to have surgery, or take out a loan, or go bankrupt, or whatever… She said that “law-of-attraction” speak… something like “Not if you “Secret” that thing away…”

I quickly laid it out for her and said, “Oh… don’t you worry. I’ve got that thing down. I’m all for it.”

But really?

That just annoys me, because I could whoop her ass in the law of attraction department, like I invented it.  Seriously. I was telling myself and my thoughts what was what way the f*ck before the book or movie “The Secret” was even a spark in someone’s mind. I have lept and SEEN the friggin net appear before my eyes, so when she tried to “correct” my line of thinking… oooh… she was just lucky I was otherwise detained and trying to maintain balance on the machine of pain and death.

I hadn’t even told her about the horrendous fall I took during the Ms. Cheevious in Hollywood book cover photo shoot (I spared her the shock and awe), which only compounds my theory that there are forces we know not of at work sometimes, and we have to be on top of our game. Perhaps that would have shut her up.

Suffice it to say – I’ve got this shit people.  And when you’ve got it (the Secret plan… the Law of Attraction… the Visualizing and Creating stuff), and all your bills are paid, and you have actually manifested the shit out of every detail in your life, and never had a cold or gotten sick – well then, maybe you are in a place to “correct” my thinking.

I’d better go take some hormones before someone besides me gets hurt.