Ms. Cheevious in Hollywood

My Zany Years Spent Working in Tinsel Town

MsCheevious

Don’t underestimate my need

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DON’T UNDERESTIMATE MY NEED

 

#DailyMischief

 

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Today I realized I may not be getting enough estrogen.

That’s a hormone. A very important female hormone.

I’ll spare you the story again, because you’ve probably heard me piss and moan about it many times over, but basically my body doesn’t make female hormones anymore. Damn body. So, I have to take whatever combo my doc comes up with, and we tweak as we go to make sure I’m a happy girl.

I realized I’m probably due for a “tweak” this morning after two things happened that caused my hair to stand on end, poking passers by with poison, and my voice became increasingly shrieky and annoyingly whiny any time M.C. Nugget tried to engage in conversation.

I’m not immune to the fact that these things almost always start with me.

I collect stressful situations like the Kardashians collect shopping bags full of shoes at Bergdorf Goodman.

It’s a gift.

I collected two such stressful situations just this morning, and the worst part was I KNEW they were coming. I was just ill-prepared. That’s another thing I’ve noticed about my low hormone levels. I’m less prepared. Like ALL THE DAMN TIME.

Here’s a little insight into me: I’m normally OVER prepared in most situations. I could be a friggin’ BOY SCOUT if only I had a penis (we’d be talking about different hormones then, but I’m game).

When it finally occurred to me that a) Life is just – pffff – stupid… who made this shit up anyway…  b) every damn website has gone to hell and doesn’t work like it’s supposed to, c) my apartment is messy and my face products are in three different places around the city… and d) dammit why am I so forgetful and unorganized all of the sudden, and that e) yes it’s true, they really did end the season of The Following with the serial killer still alive (why? because they’re FREAKIN’ IDIOTS). When I realized ALL OF THAT, I decided to make the call.

I called my doctor to inform her that the most recent incarnation of estrogen/progesterone tinctures she’d cooked up were not doing the trick. When I also told her that I may drive over to her home, slice her tires and carry away her first born child, she understood that perhaps I needed more.

MORE ESTROGEN PEOPLE.

STAT.

And do not – I repeat – DO NOT underestimate my need.

Day 83- 365 I had to photography a CupCake Bake off it was a great day loads of fun
Nina Matthews Photography / Foter / Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)

And if that means I need a cupcake, okay then.

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Botox Cream Alert: It’s all about the skin

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When I reached out to Dr. Garo Kassabian about allowing me to try their Amino Lift Peptide Complex (aka BOTOX CREAM, PEOPLE!!!), and then offer their products for one lucky winner here on the blog, I had no idea of the treat in store for me (and for one of you).

I’ve teased this contest and promised it for quite some time, but I thought there was NO better time than May, which also happens to be

Skin Cancer and Melanoma Awareness Month.

 

SIDE NOTE: I also happen to be at higher risk for the dreaded disease because of my BRCA genetic mutation for breast & ovarian cancer (yes, we mutants are at higher risk for skin, stomach, pancreatic, and prostate (the guys of course) cancers as well as breast & ovarian).

THIS MEANS THE ISSUE IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME.

I met with Merlin Rubin, Dr. Kassabian’s in-house aesthetician, who gave me an unbelievably wonderful facial. Then after talking with me about my biggest skin issues and concerns, Merlin (who is extremely knowledgeable about skin, genetics, hormones and so much more) sent me home with a fantastic set of products and detailed instructions as to how to apply them.

LiftMD Aesthetics YUMMY skin care line

By my own estimation I’m thinking the kit they put together for me would have cost me about 800.00. But you know what? It’s worth every penny, and the stuff lasts. I’m just now running out of only a few of the products (I need more botox cream people!! That sh*t WORKS) and I started this in February.

It’s MAY people.

I’m a pretty healthy person by most standards, but somehow taking extremely good care of my skin didn’t really occur to me from a health standpoint until recently. Oh sure, I’ve tried to use only the best products whenever possible, but that was only because I have sensitive skin and I wanted to fight off more wrinkles. But I simply never thought of selecting products for my skin’s HEALTH!

It wasn’t until I learned our skin absorbs everything in its environment (chemicals, toxins, nutrients) and needs our help in the battles it does for us in the world everyday, that I realized what a serious matter skin care really is.

I took my products home with information on a specific routine for in the morning and a slightly varied routine for in the evenings before bed (and on some nights the routine changed).

I was given cleansing, moisturizing and anti-aging treatments to utilize in conjunction with my own sunscreen (because I already had a very good product).

And now… please be kind, but here are my BEFORE & AFTER IMAGES. Now understand, miracles do not happen overnight, nor does repair, but I was quite pleased with the results and mostly by the way my skin FELT using these wonderful products!

Before February 2014 After - March 2014

NEED I SPELL OUT THE DIFFERENCES FOR YOU? 

I admit the before image is just a little less sharp, so it was probably much worse than it really appears, but even still you can see a difference! Notice how after a month of using LiftMD Aesthetics’ products my skin’s tone is more even, my eyelids are more “lifted” and less thick. I’m ecstatic about these products!

HERE IS HOW TO WIN YOUR OWN PERSONALIZED SKIN CARE KIT VALUED AT UP TO $1000.00*

 

Watch the video below and follow the instructions. Good Luck!

**If you cannot see the video above, click the following link: http://youtu.be/lr4o6P0QyZA

Good Luck! The winner will be chosen and informed on May 15, 2014!

*the total value of the prize is not guaranteed, since products are customized to the winner’s skin type and condition, and some skin types may not be in need of intense help like mine was!

Oh it’s burnin’ alright

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OH IT’S BURNIN’ ALRIGHT

 

#DailyMischief

 

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I interrupt my regularly scheduled blog post to pose the question: “what the HELL happened to my funny?”

It seems that sometime around February my funny sort of deflated and went the way of that mockingbird that use to keep me awake at night doing his best impressions of car alarms and cell phone vibrators.

Before you click the back button on your browser or roll your eyes like a college kid with too many cool gadgets to be bothered, please just unplug your earbuds and divert your attention away from your internet TV streaming system and let me explain something.

Perhaps you’ve not noticed while managing all those amazing things you’re creating for your life, but I’ve not been writing much here lately. And really, that’s what I want for you. I want you to be too busy to notice a tiny little thing like me not writing hilarious, fun posts that brighten your day.

I’ve been creating my own amazingness over here too, and boy is it distracting. Believe me, I was on my fifth cup of coffee the other day when it finally hit me that it’s been a long ass time since I’ve written A SINGLE POST just for the fun of it, or because I actually wanted to. There have been announcement posts, and okay, maybe a little funny now and then, but it’s been nothing compared to what my conveyor-belt comedic blog post factory was putting out prior to February.

You GUYS, it really has been since February that I’ve actually felt one iota of an itsy bitsy hint of funny in my life,

It’s almost MAY… isn’t it?

I’m not sad or depressed or anything like that just because I seem to have misplaced my funny. No, my life isn’t measured in extremes.

Ever.

 

Okay it is, but still… I’m actually doing GREAT.

I’ve just been working my little ASS off.

Aside from rising before dawn to shape the tushes of the masses in my Pilates Plus classes, trying to make this world a healthier, sexier place, I feel like I’m attached at the hip to my other boyfriend – the 27″ big screen – working on some exciting business projects.

What kind of projects, you ask? 

Well, I’m creating a mobile app to inspire gorgeous, single mommies and one to help women in Orchids! Oh, and there is that bright idea I got to launch “The Orchids Plan,” a subscription based service to deliver motivation, inspiration, recipes, diets and exercises to women over 40 or actually in Orchids (I changed “menopause” to orchids a while back).

With all of these exciting projects in process people, I’ve been frazzled from burning the candle at both ends, and it’s understandable that my brain has simply been too crammed full of TO DO LISTS to think in terms of funny.

That said, I’d like to leave you with this little anecdote:

Growing up my siblings and I used the term HUCKA MUCKA. It was our way of saying enormous, gigantic… maybe even ginormous.

We’d say, for example “I don’t want a little piece of cake, mom! I want a hucka mucka piece of cake!”

You get the picture.

I’ve said Hucka Mucka now and then around M.C. Nugget, and he’s well-versed in (and a little terrorized by) my English language nuances.

So, the other day when M.C. Nugget and I were walking on Main Street in Santa Monica and we walked by a store that had the Elvis song, Hunka Hunka Burnin’ Love blasting through its doors, I started to hum. For some reason, Nuggie felt compelled to ask What are you humming?

I replied, “Hucka Mucka Burnin’ Love”

I was completely serious. YOU GUYS, I wasn’t even trying to be funny.

Nuggie looked at me with a little fear in his eyes. When I caught on to my mistake (it sometimes takes a while), I laughed and said, “OMG! I can’t believe I just said Hucka Mucka burn in’ love!” He nervously laughed, and we went on about our day.

Then it occurred to me: My FUNNY ISN’T GONE. It’s on vacation.

It’s somewhere having fun with people on a beach singing HUCKA MUCKA BURNIN’ LOVE.

Elvis Festival 2012 Collingwood

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Image Credit:
Jeff S. PhotoArt / Foter / Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.0 Generic (CC BY-NC-ND 2.0)

 

This is gonna hurt

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THIS IS GONNA HURT

 

#DailyNugget

 

Nuggie Does Pilates

 

I went to my girl’s Fit-Palooza event to benefit FORCE: Facing Our Risk of Cancer Empowered because that’s the kinda guy I am. I show up.

They raised more than planned, which was great.

But this THING Ms. Cheevious teaches? This (insert sarcastic voice) pilates she teaches? I work out five days a week, but this? This is PAIN.

In a good way.

PFFFF!!!

 

If I were a drag queen

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IF I WERE A DRAG QUEEN

 

#DailyMischief

 

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I was talking to a friend Aaron the other day, reminiscing about some good times (times when we rocked this world working on music specials and award shows for MTV, and people gave us free stuff just because they thought we were cool). Oh wait. That still happens. Neither one of us works for MTV anymore, but you can’t erase our knack for fooling people into thinking we’re “cool.” I’m sure Aaron gets cool things like free address stickers and stuff mailed to him too, because he’s doing uber cool fashion shows for Tech-Week these days. And me? Well, YOU KNOW me.

But hey, over the years our priorities have shifted. Swear.to.god. Free address stickers and boxes of chocolates are just as cool as singing karaoke with celebrities or having access to box suites at the Kentucky Derby, the Super Bowl or other fun events.

Seriously though, he really is one of the coolest guys I know. Aaron is the guy who hired me on my first real-life television gig and regardless of the laughter and silliness, he is still one of the most highly respected men in the business. He’s legendary. He and I always joke that we should have a radio show because our hilarious telephone banter would be an immediate hit. I’m sure we’re just drunk with our own merriment, but it feels good to muse about.

The other day was no exception. Aaron was telling me one of the many funny stories from his days as a CBS paige when he was first starting out. I’ve heard most of these stories at one time or another, but I can’t be responsible to remember these things, and he has a knack for reeling me in with a new twist. Here’s how it went:

“Lisa, I worked on the lot next to where the show Solid Gold was shot. Remember Solid Gold?”

 

Oh my god. Yes! Too funny.

 

“I’ll never forget when the solid gold dancers would come filing out of their studio door.

 

LISA, they had a choreographer who had the best name for a drag queen. Her name was almost as good as Ms. Cheevious.”

HOLD UP.

WHAT?

 

Ms. Cheevious is NOT a drag queen name, Aaron!!!!!

 

“No, but think about it! It would be perfect.”

 

(pause)

 

Dammit, you’re right!

 

“But you know what her name was? Have I told you this before?”

 

Probably, but I can’t remember.

 

(pause)

(pause)

 

“You ready?” 

 

(pause)

 

“ANITA MANN.”

 

(pause)
“Say that out loud, Lisa.”

 

*laughs*

 

From CBS paige to drag queen names.

Ms. Cheevious’ name being enviable to drag queens.

These are the topics of life, people. These are the twists and turns in a conversation only possible between people like Aaron and I.

This is what I love about my life. People like Aaron.

But let me clarify this, ladies and gentlemen. If I were a drag queen…well… ANITA MANN.

I would want that to be my name.

Gay Pride March ~ Piccadilly, London

 

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photo credit:
Robert Croma / Foter / Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic (CC BY-NC-SA 2.0)

They didn’t know who it was

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THEY DIDN’T KNOW WHO IT WAS

 

#DailyMischief

 

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Last weekend Nuggie and I went down to an area of the South Bay of Los Angeles called Rancho Palos Verdes. We attended a birthday party at the Trump National Golf Club. Most Trump “properties” are covered in glass and steal and tower over people ominously, as if to say “I dare you.” His golf club here sprawls instead of towers, and instead of saying, “I dare you,” it says, “Don’t even THINK you’re good enough.”

We immediately felt at home when upon mere mention of the party we were led through the fancy dining rooms to the outside patio. Before you think “Oooh.. cool! They had an outside patio!” let me clear this up for you. There was no one else out there, because they seat no one there. No one except us (unless you’re spending a gazillion dollars on a wedding, and you need extra space, they’ll happily put more tables out there for the guest rejects). The patio was like a long porch to a big estate. Okay… veranda. (below photo from their website)

Trump National Golf Club

Don’t get me wrong. It was incredibly beautiful. But it was so friggin cold, it felt like the place where the family puts the kiddie table during parties, or if you’re in my family, at Thanksgiving. It was miserable until I started ordering the wait staff around and got the space heaters turned on.

Never to be stifled, at one point Nuggie and I (and our friend Jenna, who also happens to be an MOS – Ms. Cheevious on the Street – contributor), decided to walk to the far end of the veranda, where Nuggie immediately noticed the phenomenal acoustics.

We broke into an a cappella version of a song we’ve been working on for a while, “Tonight You Belong To Me.” You know the song, don’t you? Steve Martin sings it on the beach with Bernadette Peters in The Jerk. You can watch a video of Zoe Deschanel (New Girl) playing ukelele and singing it with someone here.

One day Nuggie and I will do it for you here. We’re brilliant. Trust me.

Heads turned as we walked back, but they really didn’t know who it was singing at the end of the veranda.

We like it like that.

 

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Blog content copyright 2014, LISA JEY DAVIS a.k.a. Ms. Cheevious.