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Ms. Cheevious in Hollywood

My Zany Years Spent Working in Tinsel Town

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MsCheevious

For those times when losing doesn’t suck

September 6, 2013 by MsCheevious

I’ve learned that the most brilliant ideas and life’s funniest moments happen when you least expect it.

Also, I do not need alcohol to wax brilliant… or funny.

Imagine that.

That said, it’s officially NFL Season; the time of year when M.C. Nugget pays good money to join an NFL football pool. I’m not at all against this. In fact, I’m totally FOR winning. It’s the losing part that bites.

So, when Nuggie and I went out to our neighborhood bar for some football action, we had every intention to enjoy the slaughter of the Denver Broncos by the Baltimore Ravens (the reigning Superbowl champions), even though the game was played in Denver. Our intentions were due to the fact that Nuggie did not “pick” the Broncos who were favored by seven points. It would have been OKAY if the Ravens lost… they just couldn’t allow the Broncos to win by more than seven.

BUT WAIT!

 

Mystery Science Theatre

 

There is a point to this that has nothing to do with football.  If you aren’t a football fan, it’s okay. I’ll break it down for you. The Ravens lost. Like the WORST loss any team can almost EVER, in a gajillion years, lose by. This didn’t bode well for our NFL watching experience. It certainly didn’t stroke our spiritual egos either, since we sent every kind of positive intention and telepathic mojo out to the Ravens to stop dropping the ball, to crush the Broncos who had the ball, and to actually SCORE points.

As a result Nuggie, our friend Bogey and I were given to sheer utter silliness. We joked, made faces, even reenacted the especially funny parts more than once. This aided in turning the evening into an overall pleasant experience… a miracle, people, trust me.

But then I had the brilliant idea: Remember Mystery Science Theatre 3000? We’ll do that for football and call it The REAL NFL BS. All we need is a camera crew so people can see and hear everything first hand and experience the brilliance. Funny how a camera crew always seems to be required when we’re at a bar. Huh… At least we can’t blame the alcohol this time.

But you see? Losing doesn’t always suck.

 

 

Filed Under: Daily Mischief Tagged With: Bogey, Broncos, Camera Crew, M.C. Nugget, Ms. Cheevious, Mystery Science Theatre 3000, NFL, pool, Ravens, Season Opener

This calls for a tiny weapon

September 4, 2013 by MsCheevious

Yesterday I mentioned how I often call M.C. Nugget “the boss of me,” and it’s quite true. It is his official title.

And with every boss title, comes the title for their subordinates.

In rapper lingo, that’d be BITCHES.

I’m not Nuggie’s bitch, although I’m not opposed to offering bitch services when it’s absolutely necessary. I’m a team player, for goddsakes. Plus, as Ashton Kutcher so aptly put it, “No job is too low.”

We were discussing this over cocktails at happy hour, and yes, it was the very same happy hour where we came up with the brilliant idea of what happens when God goes high-tech. It wasn’t pretty. But we are whacky with a chance of insanity. ALWAYS.

On this night, the conversation went something like this:

If I’m the boss, then I guess that makes you my assistant.

Sure, I’ll be your assistant.

I swatted a mosquito away, and cringed from a big black fly trying to buzz up my nose, with my arms flailing.

You can’t be my assistant if you’re constantly shooing bugs away!  We’ll have to get you an assistant.

I thought he redeemed himself, understanding my value enough to “grant” me my own assistant.

But your assistant will only handle bugs. She’ll be a bug handler. 

Yes!  I NEED a bug assistant!

Your bug assistant will kill all the bugs before they get to you, so you can tend to my needs.

Well… (thinking about this)…wouldn’t we have to give the assistant a tiny bug gun, then? I mean, if she’s going to kill the bugs, and we don’t want bug spray, or pesticides… I’m thinking a tiny bug gun would LOOK cool too. Then we could have her dress like a spy or something and call her The Exterminator.  Then when you and I are trying to – ahem – work, if the bugs start to BUG me, we’ll say “Bring in the Exterminator.” 

 

tiny_bug_gun

Bug assistant with a tiny bug gun. It’s on the list.

 

Image courtesy: http://emtoast.com/?p=873

Filed Under: Daily Mischief

Summer song fit for a classic James Bond

September 4, 2013 by MsCheevious

Every year M.C. Nugget chooses a song that becomes his “Summer Song.” It can be any song that happens to strike his fancy. This summer Nuggie and I treated ourselves to a jazz series at Hollywood Bowl, and among others, we were pleasantly surprised and thoroughly enjoyed the incredible and quintessential performance of Sergio Mendes. Here he is from that very concert performing “The Girl from Ipanema” by Brazilian composer Antonio Carlos Jobim.

Though this song may not be Nuggie’s summer song it reminds me of classic James Bond movies. If James had a summer song, this might be it.

 

Filed Under: Daily Nugget Tagged With: Antonio Carlos Jobim, Girl from Ipanema, hollywood bowl, James Bond, jazz, Sergio Mendes, Summer music, Summer song

Here’s what we’ll call ourselves

September 4, 2013 by MsCheevious

Hey, do you remember the time I told you how my rote memory was going, and I almost went to the bathroom while my sexy undies were still on? Lord knows you should. It was only yesterday. Hey, I don’t blame you if you don’t remember. You should know it’s a personal rule for me to always answer no first and correct myself later when asked these types of questions. It’s safer.

You wouldn’t be out of line to question what this has to do with the smokin’ hot image of Victoria & David Beckham here. You’re extremely clever. But I’ll give you my reason very soon. I promise.

Where were we?  My rote memory was shot…

But I have to apologize before continuing because I withheld an important piece of information from you when I relayed that story. So there was that thing… the almost tinkling in a perfectly lovely pair of undies thing. And then there was this: A little while later I showed up A DAY EARLY to my prospective literary agent’s backyard barbecue.

The list of things which ruffle my feathers may elude you, because I don’t always share what really gets my goat (crosses fingers behind back). But watch me schlep my primped, made up, dressed up and fussed over bohiney into the “city” (because more than a mile east of the beach is the city) for an affair that requires I wear anything other than my pajamas or my workout clothes, A DAY EARLY, and suddenly I’m doing a BIG REVEAL:

FEATHERS SUFFICIENTLY RUFFLED.

Even worse is the fact that I couldn’t proclaim as I’d always envisioned in moments like this “Heads Will Roll.” These proclamations are no good to ones self. And my head rolling around is not on the other list. You know, the bucket list. So, that was out.

Nuggie and I looked fabulous too, all summery and coiffed, bearing one of my famously beautiful salads.

Fab Salad

When my agent’s husband answered the door with, “You’re a day early,” I thought he had a very dry sense of humor.

I was wrong.

So, we laughed and joked, and I amazed myself with just how GREAT I am at throwing out statements to make everyone else feel better in an awkward moment. I rattled off with turrets-like finesse something like “Thank GOD we had the wrong day. We weren’t going to be able to stay long because of three other parties we have to go to!”

I’d like to stop here to remind you of an important thing:  When I die, if you come to my funeral, you can now stand up and say “She was an incredibly talented liar, but she used her talents for good.”

My agent (and I call her that, because you know, mind over matter) was very kind and said we looked so fabulous, and even asked us to wear the same thing the next day.

When we showed up in pretty much the same clothes the next day, we were having a ball meeting an entirely different group of people…

But then it happened.

Not one or two, but three separate people asked basically the same question about Nuggie and I.

It went something like this:

Are you two married?

Oh no, we’re not…

Ahhh… Are you together? How long have you been together?

Five years… We live together.

So, what are you to each other?

  – OR – What do you call yourselves?

We’re dating

 – OR – We’re boyfriend and girlfriend

To which came a reply something like this: 

Dahhhhling, if you live together you are no longer “dating” are you?

   – OR – Boyfriend and girlfriend is for children, isn’t it?  

 

So the polite versions of Nuggie and I (as opposed to the fun-loving, sarcastic, tipsy versions we prefer in these instances) obliged our new friends with talk of terminology:  life-partners, domestic partners, the “ers” of the day.

I feel like we missed an opportunity.

We were at this party for the SECOND time and we couldn’t come back with something clever.

Next time, I’m going to open up the vaults and tell them what I should have said all along:  “We’re LOVE SLAVES….

CO-love slaves.”

(THIS IS WHERE I tell you the reason for using the sexy photo of Victoria and David Beckham above)

And that’s not too far from the truth. Ask Nuggie how often I call him “the boss of me.” He accepts the position with pride.

 

 

 

Filed Under: Daily Mischief Tagged With: Agent, backyard barbecue, Boyfriend, co-love slaves, couples, Dating, girlfriend, literary, literary agent, love slaves, party, salad

Got balls?

September 4, 2013 by MsCheevious

Canon balls anyone?

We wanted to get a shot of this baby going off, but apparently that’s a no-no at the USS Constitution. OY.

 

#DailyNugget

Filed Under: Daily Nugget Tagged With: #DailyNugget, Boston, Canon Ball, Daily Nugget, Lisa Jey Davis, Ms. Cheevious, Patriotism, Ship, USS Constitution

He’s a bitter man

September 2, 2013 by MsCheevious

Yep – at this bar, they have a guy for that… BITTERS.

 

Filed Under: Daily Nugget

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