Ms. Cheevious in Hollywood

My Zany Years Spent Working in Tinsel Town

Single Moms

Delinquent Ms. Cheevious

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Not only am I delinquent in getting my post to you, (I am SORRY!), but it’s not going to be very funny today.  Again, I am sorry.

I am knee deep in moving men, cable guys (first, the Time Warner Cable guy, now the Direct TV guy, since we discovered the cable wiring in our building is archaic), handy men, flooring guys and college kids (my helpers).  Oh my GOD!  I just realized! If that isn’t a dream come true for some of you, I don’t know what is!

I’m finally here in Los Angeles.  I have much to tell you – I’ve not forgotten that I promised to dish on Random Esquire.  I also have a little ditty to tell you about my upcoming appearance on Entertainment Tonight!  I told the story to a good friend and client who said, “You’ve already opened up a world of opportunities, and you’ve only been there a day!”  I guess he was right, but I gotta’ tell ya’ – it’s not for any of my own pursuits, and won’t benefit them either.  It was a favor to a friend (more on that later).  Plus, it’s exhausting! I am in the middle of my move where I should be focused, and my friend pulls me away to do this.  Well – I am off.  

Please forgive me for the cliff-hanger, though it lacks the sizzle it so rightly deserves!  I’ll dish for you next week – and it’ll be GOOD.

xoxo, 

Ms. Cheevious

 

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Blog content copyright 2008, LISA JEY DAVIS a.k.a. Ms. Cheevious

Girlfriends Gone Wild

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Please tell me: What is this fascination with girls being stupid, getting drunk (or not) and showing their tah-tahs, booties and other body parts on camera?  WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL GUYS (or girls)?

I tell ya’, I speak from experience when I say that getting a girl to be slightly voyeuristic is no major Coup d’etat!  Especially if she’s just a tiny bit adventurous!   So, what is it that makes people – or should I say Americans – frenzied over this supposedly “major” feat when a gal bares all?

Whatever happened to the allure of the mysterious woman?  The sexiness of anticipation? Isn’t it true that once a girl crosses that threshold – the “I’m willing to flash the camera” threshold –  there is nothing left to the imagination?  Not only that, once she does it, is there anything left for the girl in question to explore, once her life and body is displayed across the eternity of the Internet?!

I think (and I stress the “I,” because this IS my blog after all, and what I think matters – HA!) that maintaining one’s dignity, razor sharp intelligence, edgy sense of humor and natural beauty while still managing to dance on the side of “naughty” once in a while – THAT’S the essence of TRUE WILD and SEXINESS.  You know what I mean?  Oh sure, there are some guys out there that LOVE to see  non-stripper, girl-next-door types take it all off with reckless abandon, and craziness. And, I even admit that acting out with reckless abandon now and then is extremely liberating.  HA!  I love it!  But, while I think it is fun and exciting at times, I know that maintaining control and a little mystery keeps men (or women?) that we really want to attract guessing or somewhat intrigued, and wanting more. What do you think?

Listen people:  My girlfriends are proof positive that there are plenty of ways to go wild without flapping or bouncing their boobies in front of a camera lens!  It takes some creativity.  Hell, it takes some intelligence, but we are all pretty bright here, right?  I know you must be, since you are here, reading this.  heh heh. 

I remember it well:  The time my girlfriend Sheila and I found ourselves smack dab in the middle of a bachelor party.  We’d just walked into the hottest night spot (at the time) in LA, and as we rounded the bend to the bar, were confronted by a group of young, hot guys.  I won’t go into any details here because my girlfriend may get upset for sharing too much, but lets just say that ONE of us ended up going back to the hotel room booked by the bachelor party and making out with a very young little boy – of, say, about 21 years old.  We were 37.  It was so much fun, and really great to be seen as hot by those guys, I have to admit!  How much fun is that? 

Hey.  I liked the attention. I know she did too.  So sue us.  We got a little wild, we had fun, and we have great stories to tell as a result!

We were actually kinda bummed out for those young boys who were celebrating their friend’s upcoming marriage at such a young age.  ‘Go to college!’ I found myself thinking, ‘Get a real job and a real life before you get married!’  Ah well, I am a mom too.  I just can’t help myself.  They were just soooo young, ya know?

Then there was the time I was in New York visiting one of my best friends, who I can’t name here, because she could lose her job.  Let’s just say that she works for one of the most fair and balanced news outlets in the country.  HA!  Anyhow, it had been a rough week for my girlfriend, so we went out one night, and met up with a few of my other girl friends.  We started out drinking martinis at Koi on the upper west side.  By the time our last girlfriend met us there, we’d closed the place down, been asked to move tables a few times to accommodate the next wave of clients, and were painting each other with temporary body tattoos.  Yep.  You read that right.  Body Tattoos. How cool is that?  Sexy too, I might add.

Then there was that one night featuring moi and my friend Kat.  My girlfriend Kat loves to cook.  She’s incredible too.  She and I got together one night to cook at my place.  We’d had vodka martinis all night, smoked cigarettes even, and then decided to start posing together for the camera.  I don’t even smoke, just to give you an idea of the inhibitions that were thrown out the window that night.  The result? Some pretty messed up girls making fools of themselves without ever taking their clothes off in front of the camera (or did we?? HA!  Just had to make you guess!) or getting behind any wheel of any car.  Imagine that.

Some of the memories I have from a few wild days and nights are shown below in my gallery.  You can click on any image to see it larger.  Let me know what you think!  I even stepped outside the box, when it comes to “WILD.”

 

The fact of the matter is that I am so sick of females being stupid, and rising to the lowest standard.  Do you think it’s because they want to be accepted?  Or do they want to be perceived as being hip and cool?  I’m confused.  I know some pretty incredibly cool people.  I know celebrities and very wealthy people and, even though Paris and Britany make fools of themselves, these people I know are SMARTER than that, and their happiness, success and allure is a testament to that. 

Somehow someone started thinking it was cool to be uninhibited at ALL times.  I’m all for being uninhibited.  My friends will tell you I am one of the more daring girls they know.  It’s all about context, and knowing when it is not okay.  So many people out there make US – WE WOMEN – seem less valuable and less cherish-able or less worthy of adoration by giving every single part of themselves away.  YOU – my lovely, incredible, bright shining light of a person – are the only one who can insure that people see just how radiant you truly are.

So here’s to BEING WILD at times.  Here’s to being CRAZY and FUN and SEXY.  Go for it!  Just remember that you are BEAUTIFUL on the inside, and ought to display that for all to see.  Here’s to you!  Go WILD, why don’tcha!

xxxooo

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Blog content copyright 2008, LISA JEY DAVIS a.k.a. Ms. Cheevious

 

Hot or Not THIS

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Okay.  I just hate those lists. You know them – the Hot or Not, Who’s Who, Most Likely to Succeed, or whatever-you-can-think-of lists?  In my opinion, they’re shallow, inhumane approaches to valuating people, based on lame sets of criteria, impossible to understand, follow or measure.  Don’t you think?  Well at least we all talk about how shallow and unscrupulous these types of lists are…  just as we read them, cast our votes, make our own judgements, and tune in to our favorite tv show or results episode to see if we were “right.”  I admit it.  I’m guilty as charged.  Though, I can’t say I’ve ever actually visited or voted at one of those Hot or Not websites. I am one of the most opinionated people I know, however.  Just ask anyone who watches television with me.  It doesn’t go without comments out-loud, like “Yeah, right.  Like anybody would really do that!” or “BAD hair day!” or any other wisecrack you can think of.  And I have tuned in to see and voted for the next American Idol on more than one occasion.

I’m sure there are pure, more serious-minded creatures out there who don’t even waste a glance at silly little trivialities such as these. But we’re not here for them, now are we?

But this last week, this whole thing came to mind, because my boyfriend has a gal-pal who’s a chef.  He’s trying to get her to open a hip-cool night time spot in Moab.  He said, “You know, she should have really hot waitresses like they do at Cantina in Aspen.  Her place should have that.  It should be a cool, hip place to go.”  This only came about because his gal-pal asked if he would help out by waiting tables, to which he whooped a resounding “NO.”  The problem is, I couldn’t picture one single “hot” waitress at the Cantina in Aspen.  Not that they are ugly.  They each have their own attractive factor.  So, it actually made me proud of my boyfriend.  He saw their hotness beyond what the media says is “hot.”

So, in the spirit of true shallow, degenerate, perverted, yet fun-spirited behavior, I’ve compiled a very unique HOT OR NOT list.  This one contains just a few women that strike me as – well, something – one way or the other.  I think they are “hot or not” ha ha.  But this is a REAL WOMAN’S LIST.  I’ve got a good mix of sexy, beautiful, smart, powerful, you name it.

On a side note: this list also came about while reading USA Today this week, and observing some of the wicked-harsh comments made about Cindy McCain’s looks.  I raised an eyebrow at the comments some in the media have made, which sounded so childish and petty.  I am not even necessarily a McCain supporter, but veer more toward someone who did not or could not, in my opinion, make this list. But I provided a link to the article where McCain is listed below.  I just thought it was unfair, so she made the list.  I thought it’d also be interesting to see what the REAL pundits say.

But YOU decide!  Remember, “HOT” can come from many places:  brains, power, balls or moxxy, the hip-factor, or just plain sexy/beautiful.

DO THIS:

Copy and paste my list (complete list without photos at the bottom) into your reply and rank them with “1” being the highest.  If I get a lot of replies, then next week, I’ll post your HOT OR NOT list.  If not, I’ll just post them based on what I like!  BUT JUST TO BE CLEAR:  I don’t have these in any specific order.  But, here they are, with photos.  Remember, the list alone is at the bottom for you to cut and paste.

 
1. Cindy McCain.

Meryl as the Devil 
2. Meryl Streep.

 

 
3. Michelle Pfeiffer.

 
4. Ali McGraw

 
5. Angelina Jolie

Famed female politician in Nigeria. 

6. Margaret Ekpo – Nigerian Politician

 
7. Paris Hilton

 
8. Audrey Hepburn

 
9. Jessica Alba

 

10.  My Mother – Nereide Frances Padalino Sherwood – A mother of 11 children, a Cancer, Stroke, COPD and more-than-one-car-accident survivor, as well as HOT MOM.  I guess you can assume where she may rank on my list!  But REMEMBER: She is EVERY MOTHER.

Here’s your list to copy/paste and arrange in your HOT or NOT order.  #1 is THE HOTTEST:

Cindy McCain
Meryl Streep
Michelle Pfeiffer
Ali McGraw
Angelina Jolie
Margaret Ekpo
Paris Hilton
Audrey Hepburn
Jessica Alba
Nereide Frances Padalino Sherwood

 

As for me:  I’m Always Hot Baby!  heh heh.  I’ve just been settling into the relaxing, fun, adventurous life in Moab for a short spell before I move to my new place in LA.  I’ll let you know the progress on those last three pounds when I’ve completed my move and can make heads or tales of what/when/why I’m eating!  ha ha!

Have a fantastic week!  And don’t forget this:  YOU ARE HOT.

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The Indelible Foibles of Drinking & Dialing (or Texting)

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“This i-phone!” my girlfriend Danielle shrugged, exasperated. 

“What’s the deal?” our friend Debra and I asked over breakfast.

“Last night I was texting back and forth with different people, and for some reason, when you hit ‘reply’ on a text message, sometimes it brings up the last person on your phone list, rather than the person you actually meant to reply to. So last night I was texting back and forth with Craig [sometime boyfriend] – and of course I did have a few glasses of champagne throughout the evening – and he was sending me texts like ‘where are you?’ or ‘what are you doing?’, so at one point I thoughtI was texting him and I said, “I’m on the corner by The Lounge. I’ll be the girl with the hot tits.””

Debra and I chuckled at that statement alone!  Then we heard the real punch line.  “So this morning, I was going through my old texts, and what I thought was a text to Craig, went to the taxi driver from earlier in the evening!” 

We roared with laughter.  The thought of that guy racing to her corner (since we are talking about small-town Aspen here), looking for someone who was hot-to-trot for him was just priceless. 

If you are new to this blog, welcome!  Come on in.  It’s fun here.  Would you care for a drink?  ha ha

Seriously, we’ve all had our share of experiences I’m sure (unless of course you do not indulge or over-indulge in the occasional alcoholic beverage), where we’ve said or done something embarrassing as a result of having too much fun.

cocktails.jpg

And be warned:  These sorted scenarios don’t only play out on the evening in question, but can carry over to the morning after, while we recover from the night before.

I’m sure this is why my friend Danielle thought for certain that the i-phone was her problem.  She continued, “So, this morning I had a text from Ellie, who was asking where I went last night, and I thoughtI was texting her back, when I said, “I met up with Craig and we had wild monkey sex until three in the morning.”  Hey – what can I say? Some of my best friends are base individuals – given to animal instincts and behaviors at times!

As we absorbed her comments, she delivered this little doozy: “Well, I just looked, and that text went to Craig.”  she said, mortified.

“Oh no!” we said, laughingly.  Then I offered, “That’s so weird!  There must be some faulty programming on those things. You should check for updates or something online.  I bet it’s a known problem!” 

In reality, it’s more likely the alcohol in her system to blame, rather than a renegade text mechanism in her i-phone.  I’m sure Danielle, now that her system is clear, knows this to be true.

So, though I have dealt with the consequences of drinking and dialing, the whole texting thing is a new one to me.  I mean, I’ve sent some indecipherable texts after a few cocktails.  I’ve even texted the wrong person, but generally the messages were harmless, and left my unintended targets scratching their heads, and later writing it off to my – well, blondness.

It begs the question, however, how does one, if inebriated, make the  level-headed “call” to step away from the cell phone?  I am asking this question as a student – someone who does not have the answers, I swear.  If I did, my friend, I promise I’d rattle off some list of do’s and don’ts!

I suppose the very same mechanism that kicks in, making some insist, by god, that they can drive, even though they’ve only had three? four? five? drinks, may be to blame here. 

What is it about this legal drug and its affect on us?  And why do some people have more command over their faculties than others?  I have some friends that get just plain stupid when they drink. I don’t even want to be around them.  Then there are others that seem perfectly normal.  Or could it be that I’ve had as much to drink as they have on those occasions?

I can offer this sage advice, from years of doing the RIGHT thing:  If you don’t want to do anything stupid, determine that ahead of time, and be responsible.  If you find yourself guzzling the wine, perhaps you are actually thirsty.  Try a glass of water.  It’s actually refreshing.  And, as a wise man once said “Know thyself.”  Don’t be an idiot and think you can pound down the drinks without even developing a slight stagger or stutter.  Everyone does to a certain extent.  If you are going out to drink, learn from other people’s mistakes if you can and take precautions.  As a single mother, I learned long ago that you do NOT go out and drive if going out for a night of drinking. There are precious people I am responsible for, and it is just wrong. Don’t even BRING your car if you stand a chance of drinking over the course of an evening.  A hundred dollars in cab fare is far better price to pay than dealing with the myriad of other possible outcomes, which I won’t even go into here (the very least of these being a DUI).

So – enough about drinking, dialing and texting.  I know you are all sitting, waiting with bated breath to hear about my results for the week.  In case you’ve not been here, I’ve been on this challenge to get back to a healthy eating lifestyle.  I’ve been known for being an incredibly disciplined eater for most of my post-divorce, adult life.  That is, until a few years ago.  It got to the point this past January, where I put some of my favorite clothes on and they looked awful.  There were bulges where it use to be solid and lean, and I just didn’t feel as good as I’m accustomed to.  So, I got rigid.  Then I got lax (last week I actually gained half a pound).  Anyhow, I am back on track, and still determined.  You don’t get rid of bad habits overnight.  This I know. I’ve decided that until I reach my goal, I will not belabor the message in these posts.  I will simply state my goal, current weight and weight lost/gained. 

Sound good? Works for me!  Except, of course, for this week.  PSYCHE!  I am in Albuquerque, New Mexico to spend time with my mother who recently had a stroke.  I’ve been packing, condo hunting, moving, running a business and much much more ever since this whole thing started.  I’ve been traveling so much (just this month) that my whole system (physical and logistical) is off, and I decided not to go there.  I will weigh in on this (no pun intended) next week!  Know this:  Changing habits that you aren’t fond of (in yourself) takes determination, stamina and time.  You have to be IN it for real.  I am.  Bring it on, baby!  I’ve lost 8 of 11 lbs, and I am going to WIN. hee hee[digg=http://digg.com/food_drink/The_Indelible_Foibles_of_Drinking_Driving_or_texting]

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Yo Yo Me

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Up.

Down.

Up.

Down.

I’m nauseous already.  Sorry. 

But I’m being real here!  And at the same time, I’m waxing metaphoric.

The Realness? My battle to lose 11 pounds has now spanned over two months, and though I’ve managed to dodge the bullet, if you will, when it comes to gaining weight on weigh-in days, I’ve not managed to reach my goal yet.  All in good time ladies and gentlemen.  All in good time.

The Metaphor?   It’s all in the week I’m having!  Or month.  Or season?  It’s been so crazy – in a fantastic way.  My business (going from running full board to gangbusters in just about three months) is ever growing – something I’ve intended for quite some time.  My writing career has gone from non-existent to something to speak of – which didn’t happen really until I finally took the advice of the astrologist at the Ebony Magazine / Essence Awards After Party held at Merlin’s in the Universal City Walk back in 2002, who said “You are a writer. You should write. Now.”  – okay, so it’s not a totally reliable source, but hey, it got me writing. (I just got an email from a hot mommy’s website asking me to do a column – won’t say much more until it’s official, but that’s AWESOME).  It’s almost more than I could have imagined. Well, almost.

Heather Headley at 2002 Essence Awards

So, why does the picture above suddenly appear in my blog?  Well, that is Heather Headley.  You should look her up.  She is actually a FANTASTIC vocalist. She is somewhat of a Diva (at least it seemed that way to me), but she is the reason I was even AT the Ebony Magazine party that year.  I was dating her manager, but that is a whole OTHER story. HA!

In case you are new here – welcome!  I’ve been on this lonnnnnng, drawn out quest to shed a few pounds and get back to a healthy eating lifestyle, and I’ve taken my peeps along with me on the roller coaster ride.  I’ve had some challenges, but all in all, it’s been pretty simple I think. Once you put your mind to something, I am convinced you can achieve anything.  Yep.  Anything. 

So, on to the reasons for some of my YO YO – isms:

I’m buying a condo in Los Angeles.

Or am I? No, yes I am.  Well, I am trying to.  DO YOU SEE what I mean?  Yes. No. Yes. Buy Right Now. Don’t Buy Right Now. Hurry. Wait.  It’s dizzying! I had two condos in mind that I liked, after my last trip out to LA. The one I was leaning toward sold. Sounds simple enough, right?  Buy the other one, right?  No, it’s not so simple.  The let-down on the first condo – it was soooo cool – coupled with some things my worry-wart Realtor said about the shaky market and when I should strategically make my offer on a property, made me rethink everything. 

So.  Here’s the lowdown on my dizziness:   I’m in Aspen.  I’m going to Moab in a few days.  Then I go to Grand Junction, Colorado with my boyfriend to celebrate his birthday – woo hoo – Grand Junction (don’t ask – it was my idea, and I’m sticking to it). Then I’m flying to Albuquerque to spend time with my mom.  I need to be with her.  I’ll be there a few days, then I fly back out to LA to hunt some condos down.  Then I go back to Albuquerque to spend more time with mom.  Then I’ll be back in Moab.  Then we (my boyfriend and I) go to Aspen to pack up that condo.  Then we are moving all of my belongings to GOD ONLY KNOWS WHERE.

Stop. Start. Stop. 

Travel. Stay.

Shave. Grow. 

Sneeze.  Don’t. 

I just threw that last one in to shake things up a bit, and see if you were reading.  Don’t you hate when you need to sneeze, and suddenly it’s just GONE?

Well, anyway – here are my health quest results for this week.  I have to say that considering the following:

Easter (fantastic brunch at the St. Regis Hotel in Aspen)
PMS (can you say “monthly bloat?”)
My friend Tanya came to visit for a couple of nights to PAR-TAY in Aspen
My twelve year old son came to Aspen to snowboard and take a vacay, which meant eating out and movies and popcorn.

Considering all that, I did not do so bad!

Start Date:  Thursday January 31, 2007
Height: 5′ 5″
Goal: 125 lbs
Beginning weight:  136 lbs
Weight after week 1:  132.5 lbs (02.07.08)
Weight after week 2: 130 lbs (02.14.08)
Weight after week 3: 130 lbs (02.21.08)
Weight after week 4: unknown – no scale! yippee! (02.28.08)
Weight after week 5:  128 lbs (03.06.08)
Weight after week 6:  127.5 lbs (03.13.08)
Weight after week 7:   127.5 lbs (03.20.08)
Weight after week 8:   128 lbs (03.27.08)
Net Loss / Gain this week:  + .5 lbs 
IT’S A GAIN – OKAY I USE TO HATE THE MOAB SCALE.  NOW I KINDA LIKE IT.
TOTAL Net Loss:   8.0 lbs 

Time to buckle down and get back on track.  No more Mister Nice Guy.  For those of you who read this and think ‘Wow, it just seems so hard,’ don’t.  It’s not that hard.  I just underwent a brief stage of the “Cutsies,” as a wise Weight-Watchers counselor once told me.  We get a few pounds off, and we start to think, ‘Hey! I’m lookin’ pretty good.  Now I can eat whatever I want!’  But the really successful people – of course I AM one of those – stick with it, and don’t get discouraged, realizing it’s all part of the journey.  You’re Up.  You’re Down.  Physically, Mentally, Spiritually.  Don’t give up, or you won’t experience the bliss of success.   

So! I’m excited about the coming months and years ahead for me (and my lovely man), even though I’ve now added even more travel to my future, and it will be hectic and crazy at times.  Can you believe my man actually agreed to go on this wild ride with me? He doesn’t even like Los Angeles! He must really love me.  By the way – let’s wish him a Happy Birthday.  Happy Birthday to him! He’s an April Fool’s baby.  What does that tell ya? That he is a fool for love? Well, that works for me. He IS a love! Mmmmphhhhuuuuhhh!

Now Let’s Talk About You:  I actually don’t mind it so much when life gets hectic and crazed. How about you?  How do you handle things when your world gets tossled up a bit?  We’d all love to hear how you glide through life with chaos in your wings.  How you do so with charm, grace and sophistication.  Oh, and be sure to let us know if you are 40+ years or older, and haven’t a wrinkle to show for it.  (ha ha)

Also, do you think I am being too easy on myself? Should I have LOST weight this week?  It was “all so easy” in the beginning.  Do you think I should just buckle down, go postal on my body and LOSE THE LAST STINKIN’ THREE POUNDS ALREADY?  Please feel free to leave me a nice, friendly reply.  (ha ha)

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When Is Saying No Not Okay?

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It’s the wee hours of the morning, and I am wide awake.  Perhaps it’s that “decaf” coffee I’ve been drinking, which in retrospect, contained some flavored, caffeinated grounds as well?

Anyhow, my boyfriend underwent surgery early this week.  It was a surgery he put much hope in, as he’s been dealing with an illness for quite some time (since before I knew him), that since I’ve known him has gotten progressively worse (Yeah, I know.  The inferences are endless here, so spare me!).  He suffers with what the doctors believe is Eagle Syndrome.

He went in feeling and hoping that THIS surgery was going to be the answer. It may have been.  But he’s very stubborn.  I tried to explain to him that surgery is still trauma to the body, and that he would have to slow down afterward for at least a few days, no matter how good he felt, to allow his body to heal.

But noooo.  He went on an intense hike the day after his surgery.  He went on another one the following day.  Today he stayed in because he felt extremely sick.  Now he is feeling HORRIBLE. So bad, in fact, that he declined my taking him out to dinner to celebrate our Easter Holiday together (an early dinner as I will be out of town).   He went to bed hours ago, because he felt so sick.

Here’s the clincher.  I’ve been planning to leave tomorrow – or is it today?  I’ve been planning to leave on Friday the 21st, to head back to Aspen and get ready for my twelve year old son to come for the week.  Before going to bed, my boyfriend said, in a worried voice, “I don’t know what I’m going to do if I continue to feel this way, babe.”

Immediately, I’m embarrassed to admit that my heart sank.  Not because my boyfriend is being unreasonable, and not because he has even created this dilemma.  This conflict is my own.  I spent my entire married life (obviously, prior to this) revolving everything around my ex, his life, career, health and mental issues.  I sacrificed what I wanted to do ALL the time.  It’s a sensitive subject.

But I couldn’t help but feel like the right thing to do would be to cancel my plans and stay and take care of my man, until it was absolutely necessary to leave for Aspen.  I’d made plans to meet a girlfriend in Aspen, prior to my son’s arrival, but this only made me feel more guilty – like I shouldn’t have made those plans.

I am normally one to trust my instincts, but in this case I am just not sure what to do.  Am I being selfish?  Should I stay and take care of my boyfriend, or should I stick to my plan and trust that he can take care of himself?   Is it okay to say “no” to my instincts in this case? Or is saying “no” NOT okay in this instance? Would that communicate poor priorities to my love?  My boyfriend and I have worked hard to individuate and live healthy “individual” lives, while sharing everything with each other.  This is a tough one!  Give me some advice here people – because I am definitely struggling!