I have a friend who took her two sons on a first-ever “just them” vacation recently. She says she learned two things: 1) She loves her kids deeply and loves being a mother (her sons are officially both adults now), but 2) One of them is not nice to her (as a matter of fact, he is borderline verbally abusive and downright disrespectful). When I heard this, I was a little shocked because really, the guy is a pretty cool dude. But apparently, he simply will not accept his mom for who she is and he is pretty damn insistent that unless she change some pretty significant things about who she is, they’ll never get along …
Suffice it to say, she’s not loving spending time with him. She even said “I just don’t like him.”
Know this: She was extremely upset and hurt over this. It really broke her up… because, well… how could a mother not like her own son? It made her feel embarrassed and ashamed. But in the end, she was pretty much “done.”
Does this make her a bad parent? I think not. We are not required to “like” everyone on this planet — even if it turns out to be one of our own offspring. It is sad to think it’s possible that after we pour so much love, blood, sweat and tears into someone, it is even remotely possible they could turn out to be a person we don’t want to invite to the next event. But you know, at some point we still have only ourselves to take to the grave … and we must stay true to *that* person.
Gone should be the days of squelching our true selves, sweeping our loves, interests and wishes under the carpet, or changing and adjusting goals or desires because someone else thinks we should (or they simply can’t handle the healthy choices we’ve made for ourselves). Rest assured, we are not talking about the need to abstain from alcohol or drugs around someone who struggles with substance abuse, or anything similar to that. This was a personality trait that one of her lovely boys would like to miraculously disappear. And it is a trait, (or a way about her, I suppose), that I happen to personally admire in this lady.
When all is said and done, I always come back to this:
CHOOSE TO SURROUND YOURSELF WITH PEOPLE WHO WANT TO BE AROUND YOU, AND WHO WILL WORK AS HARD AS YOU DO AT ACCEPTING OTHERS FOR WHO THEY ARE.
What are your thoughts on this?
I’ll see you next time my lovelies with something fun, fantastic and fully flirtatious!
Love you people!!!! Mmmmppphhhuuuhhh!!!
xoxo,
Ms. Cheevious
aka Lisa Jey Davis
Editor in [Mis]Chief
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Image credit: http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/human-rights/images/33280878/title/human-acceptance-photo
This was originally posted on the Lisa Jey Davis website blog Tiny Little Posts
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MsCheevious
Ms. Cheevious is the alter-ego of Lisa Jey Davis (former publicist, and television talent manager, current award-winning writer & author, & health and fitness pro). Though Ms. Cheevious has become known for humor via the blog and social media, offering a lighter and brighter look at life… the blog was originally a precursor to Lisa Jey's long overdue book "Ms. Cheevious in Hollywood" which offers a fabulous, funny peek into what really goes on behind the scenes in Hollywood… a Hollywood with Lisa Jey and her funny “serendipities” in it. Think Lucille Ball meets Chelsea Handler meets the girl next door (with a little chocolate and vodka). It depicts with hilarity the innocent mistakes Lisa Jey made when launched back into the big, bad single jungle, as an unassuming single-mother in the City of Angels. It’s also about the beautiful, interesting life she led while her loving, incredible sons kept her grounded and sane amid fantastic events, new friends, parties and field trips. It also shows the turmoil and heartbreak that comes with dating and single mom life. All blog content © 2015 Ms. Cheevious aka Lisa Jey Davis
I couldn’t agree with you more Ms. Cheevious. I love all my family – kidlet included – but I don’t necessarily like all of them. I would defend them from harm in any way I could, but it doesn’t always mean I approve of their decisions. Blood is blood as the saying goes.
I hope your friend can find a way to have peace with her decisions and accept herself, even if her son can’t.
You rock Margaret. Thank you for stopping in and taking the time to comment. Yeah – I think she’s good with her decision. Have a fabulous weekend, and thanks again!
Right on target Ms.Cheevious! Well said….
Awe Nuggie… you always know what to say! XO
I want to verbally beat the sh*t out of a her offspring. I know who you are writing about and she deserves so much respect and loyally from her boys. I’m sorry things are at a point that she has to express it like this. But VERY BRAVE!
Hey Bogey! So great to see you here! It’s been too long! Love ya!! Say hey to “Bacall” for me, would you! And thank you for the comment! I will make sure my dear friend gets this! xxx
I was talking with a friend recently and commented, at our age we are no longer responsible for the actions of our adult children or our elderly parents. I think when we can separte our feelings of responsiblity it makes it easier to accept not liking them.
thanks @onishaellis:disqus! I agree!~
I am sorry for your friend’s challenge. Parent-child relationships are at best blissful and rewarding, but at times challenging and heartbreaking as well. I do hope she and her son find some resolve at some point, but you are correct — it is not “bad” to not like your adult child. They behave in ways they choose, and we can no longer “parent” them and punish them for their poor choices. The only thing left to do sometimes is to leave it alone… and yes, sometimes that means not inviting them to the next event. Bless your friend’s heart…
Thank you @luannrobinsonhull:disqus – yeah it sucked for sure!
Oh, I can relate to this. There are times I look at my kids and they’ll do something or say something that I think is just so rude and disrespectful. There are times I feel personally slighted by what they say and can’t imagine why those words would come from their mouths – and is that a reflection on ME? Fact is, it isn’t. I nicely explain how what they’re saying is hurtful and obnoxious and hope that next time they’ll use their brains before they speak. So, yes, I can imagine not wanting to spend time with your offspring when they act like this. Who wants to be around anyone that makes you feel bad? I have this line I use. “I love you very much, but at the moment, I really don’t like what you said and I’m going to go into another room and let you think about that.” Great post – and brave of you – many people won’t address this.
Mmmphhuuhhh @elysesalpeter:disqus … you are one tough cookie mamma!!! xo
It is very difficult. My older daughter is getting married next week and I’m of the opinion that it’s a bad move all the way around. Wrong guy, wrong time, etc. I’m finding it harder and harder to spend time or have conversations with her. I feel terrible because of it and I’d really like to be excited to walk her down the aisle, but in reality, I’m dreading it. 🙁
Oh Alan – this is not easy. We all understand… this is for sure. As you know… you must be the parent who basically shows support as the parent of the child you love… doing something to honor their excitement and love… that is all. But it’s never easy when you have such a strong feeling! I am so sorry! My heart goes out to you… but somehow I think you will do what is right, and all will come out well in the end for it.
We can not choose our family; we can only choose how we interact with them…if at all. Lately, my life has forced me evaluate my family relations in the exact same terms as your friend. I love and respect a certain family member but I do not like them nor is being around them regularly healthy for me. I feel for your friend and count your friend lucky to have the love, support, and understanding of someone like you 🙂