This week’s post is going to be a little different. I am going to be extremely raw and open, refraining from berating, belittling or bedazzling anything or anyone I speak of. Sound impossible for a fun-loving Ms. Cheeviouslike me? Well, just you wait and see!
If you are new here, welcome! I am so glad you stopped by! Normally these posts are filled with funny musings on life, love and relationships. Not today. Read on.
I’ve been living in Los Angeles since May 13th of this year. I moved here, because I am a city girl, and it feels like home to me. When I was gone, I missed my home. It was a declaration of independence of sorts, as well. I guess I felt I was losing myself and my independence to a place that didn’t feel like home, and I had to put a stop to it – and fast.
Now that I have been here, love it as I may, I am conflicted and sad, and unsure. I feel as though in moving, I may have torn away some of the threads that make up pieces of who I am. As if, even though I’ve woven a beautiful quilt made up of several layers and shapes, somehow, some of the very fabric that was a part of me was destroyed in the process.
I am a rational girl. I know, in my mind, that this is simply not true. I’ve not torn or destroyed anything. I am happy, healthy – a world of opportunities open to me now that I am home. And, isn’t it true that everything happens for a reason? There are no regrets, only lessons, right? Didn’t a wise woman once say that? (Well, Jennifer Aniston did – oops – sorry that slipped – hee hee). Mark Twain did say this, “There is no failure, there are no accidents, and there are no mistakes. They are all learning experiences and stepping-stones.”
The thing that makes this whole amalgamation of feelings so difficult is that I cannot come up with an answer. I don’t have a simple excuse for why this is happening. You know how sometimes you can say, “Listen girl. You screwed up! Admit it!” and the friend in question can admit it and take the appropriate steps to rectify the situation. Not so, in the here and now. I can’t say that I screwed up – only that I have a deep sense of loss along with the good. I’ve not divined yet whether or not the gains outweigh the losses. And if they do not, I have no idea just what my plan or next step would be.
You know, since we are talking about these things – Independence and such – and it IS Independence Day weekend – let’s hear how our Forefathers imagined what independence was:
We hold these truths to be sacred & undeniable; that all men are created equal & independant, that from that equal creation they derive rights inherent & inalienable, among which are the preservation of life, & liberty, & the pursuit of happiness.
The fact of the matter is that Independence, personal identity, life, liberty, etc. etc, though incredibly important- can trample so many other important things in life, if we are not careful. We must be extremely vigilant to guard those things (loyalty, friendship, respect, and many others) with the same diligence and dogma, if we are to be truly happy, at peace and free.
I am feeling very introspective today, can you tell? HA HA! Perhaps it is because my birthday is coming next week. Yep. I don’t mind. I love my life, at any age. I see it as being just one step closer to earning the respect of all those young whipper-snappers in the world today! I am a Cancer – a water sign. Good for living near the water, for sure. As a matter of fact, all three of my signs (sun, rising and moon) are water signs.
As I work through my own personal tidal wave of emotions, I will keep each of you in my thoughts. I’ll leave you with a song for the weekend. It’s a beautiful song, and some of you know it:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s993u4qAyiw]
Have an incredibly peaceful and happy Independence Day.
Love you people! Mmmmmmphhhhuuhhhhh!
xoxo,
Ms. Cheevious
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Blog content copyright 2008, LISA JEY DAVIS a.k.a. Ms. Cheevious
MsCheevious
Ms. Cheevious is the alter-ego of Lisa Jey Davis (former publicist, and television talent manager, current award-winning writer & author, & health and fitness pro). Though Ms. Cheevious has become known for humor via the blog and social media, offering a lighter and brighter look at life… the blog was originally a precursor to Lisa Jey's long overdue book "Ms. Cheevious in Hollywood" which offers a fabulous, funny peek into what really goes on behind the scenes in Hollywood… a Hollywood with Lisa Jey and her funny “serendipities” in it. Think Lucille Ball meets Chelsea Handler meets the girl next door (with a little chocolate and vodka). It depicts with hilarity the innocent mistakes Lisa Jey made when launched back into the big, bad single jungle, as an unassuming single-mother in the City of Angels. It’s also about the beautiful, interesting life she led while her loving, incredible sons kept her grounded and sane amid fantastic events, new friends, parties and field trips. It also shows the turmoil and heartbreak that comes with dating and single mom life. All blog content © 2015 Ms. Cheevious aka Lisa Jey Davis
Hmmm . . . interesting . . . Is it that you feel torn? or is it that you have not truly come to realize what it is that makes you happy. Is L.A. and the fun & nostalgia associated with it what you craved? Is it really home? What do you love? Why do you love it? What does it bring you?
These are all questions and considerations I have been forced to look square in the face since being faced with cancer.
I hated Houston, I thought. Or was it because this is where the cancer was revealed? Would I really want to go back to Albuqerque? But I have craved a simpler, less hectic, less stressful life. Maybe I’ll buy a little house on the prairie – HA!
I can totally relate. Hang in there. All things do eventually come together. God watches over us, protects us and guides us.
I love you bunches and oodles!
Hi Mave! Thank you so much for caring so much! Yes – I feel as though LA is home. I have good friends that are like family to me, I love the environment, am envigorated here, and absolutely adore the climate and the beach. What does it bring me? Energy – good energy. Peace. I can absolutely validate, however, that I definitely feel torn! But don’t so many of us – on a regular basis? Aren’t we all faced with tough decisions, or second guesses? Life is compiled of choices, and I try not to get caught up in whether I made the right choice – because I believe there are no accidents or mistakes – as I said! Thank you so much for you comments! xoxo
Amen to what Maven says, All things do eventually come together. God watches over us, protects us and guides us.
Wow, Lisa, seems a bunch of us are going through what I like to refer to as a “rough” spot right now. I can totally relate to what you have written this time.
The song you left us with – how did I know it was going to be this???? It was on my myspace page for the beginning of this week!
I hope you have a GREAT 4th of July despite all that is going on and more importantly a GREAT Birthday – I saw it on my calendar this morning, actually. Most of all, this birthday marks yet another amazing year for you and I hope it is more amazing than any other thus far!
You deserve it!
Loves & Many Hugs
Thanks so much Steph! It never ceases to amaze me what a diverse group of readers there are here! I can talk about deep, raw emotions, and appeal to so many. Then the next week I can talk about the frivoloties of life, and strike a chord there as well! I know most expect these to be funny – but it’s all very good! I am encouraged by your thoughtfulness, and trust me – I will enjoy every moment this weekend – for whatever it brings me! xoxo
Hey birthday girl….
From one birthday girl to another, I do know what you are going through. It seems the older I get, the more I go deep into myself to see what I have accomplished in the past year, and what I hope for the next. The years go by so very fast, and I am feel so blessed. I don’t always feel that way mind you, so I have to make myself see again.
It’s funny though, how easily we can get derailed and introspective about life. I too am quite the heavy thinker, especially at times like birthdays, anniversaries, even kids birthdays,…etc.
You know, I have found that if I can focus on all the blessings in my life I have a different attitude on everything…I know, Pollyanna syndrome, but what a great movie LOL. Just watched it with my grand daughter and I can still remember the one quote in the movie that impacted me alot…”If you look for the evil in mankind, you will surely find it.” – Abraham Lincoln.
All this to say…focus on all the wonderful blessings God has given you, and placed around you and you will see how wonderfully blessed you are. I know when I do this, everything comes into place and perspective.
SO QUIT LOOKING FOR THE BAD AND SEE ALL THE GOOD!!! That’s an order! :X
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to a wonderful, talented, gorgeous, smart sista!!!
Love you,
blueyess
Blueyess – you DO need your own blog! Ha ha!
Thank you for pointing out what so easily escaped me – how wonderful my life truly is and how blessed I am – all the GOOD. xoxo
Wow, yes, you’re feeling very introspective. Are you sleeping okay or do these thoughts keep you up at night?
Hey R! Long time! How’s it going? I don’t have any trouble sleeping – that’s for sure! No… I think it’s just something I have to think through – you know??
It’s been too long! I must catch up on your life, gorgeous. Glad you aren’t having trouble sleeping. Things here are good. I’ll shoot you an e-mail this week; I want to catch up with you!
-R.
Yes – we must catch up! Can’t wait to see that email! 🙂
i’ve felt like that everywhere I’ve moved, expect when i moved to long beach. place made me feel more at home than any city in my entire life, WAY more than where I’m from as well, totally kills it.
That is so cool Fever! So rare to find a place you love like that. You have to hold on to that, for sure!