By now most anyone who follows my blog, reads my articles or watches my videos all over cyberspace knows that I have the BRCA2 genetic mutation for Breast and Ovarian Cancer. As a result of discovering this, I opted back in late 2011 and early 2012 to have all of the lovely procedures necessary to alleviate most of my risk (think Angelina Jolie… No. I mean it. Picture her, because I’m pretty sure I didn’t pull of the glamorous/beautiful thing during those months. I had the puffy/pale thing DOWN though.). You can read any of the articles I’ve written on the subject by clicking here, here, or here. You can also see coverage and interviews about said procedures on national television and other places by perusing my personal website with most of those links here. In light of my decision, I’ve written a Dear John letter to my ovaries. For anyone who’s ever had ovaries or known anyone with them (and particularly if anyone has witnessed the effects of Ovarian cancer, or lived through it), you should be able to relate to this.
Dear Ovaries:
We’ve been together a long, long time. You’ve been a significant part of my life – well – forever, and lived with me through everything – the good, the bad and the ugly. Despite all of that, our relationship has seen its share of ups and downs, to say the least.
Ovaries… I never got over how after our initial thirteen years of peaceful bliss together, things suddenly changed. You got all… gushy and stuff. Was it a mid-life crisis? I guess I’ll never know… but I felt like you became so “high maintenance” then. And it never let up. In fact, every single month for about a week or so, like clockwork, something happened and you required unbelievable amounts of extra attention. Everything became all about “you.” It was bleeding our relationship dry. From that point on, things between us became – well – strained.
I gained a deeper understanding of our relationship, when I had given birth to my two boys. Somehow, I thought we were destined for better times. I must admit, I made the same mistake that many do, when I thought having the kids would make it all better. On the contrary, the kids needed my attention as well, and I wanted to give everything to them. But your high maintenance shenanigans never let up, and frankly, I didn’t need all the extra effort, energy and work. Sometimes it affected me so much I had to be medicated, ovaries. It wasn’t pretty.
And so, my dear ovaries, you must understand that when I met Brca Gene (Braca for short), I was intrigued. He said everything I needed to hear, and he made things so clear for me. I’d already witnessed my sister’s relationship with her ovaries end horribly. In fact she didn’t make it out alive. I didn’t want that to happen to us, my love. So I saw this as an opportunity… a way to set us both free! Finally you and I both had a chance to be free from the constant neediness… free from the possibility of your getting ill, going insane and turning on me… and free to go on and live our lives… apart (well… that part isn’t probably the best scenario for you, and for that I am sorry).
It hasn’t been an easy decision, ovaries. Honestly, I’ve thought long and hard about this… but after all we’ve been through, and what I now know about you from Braca… well, I’m going to have to say goodbye. It’s been fun, but now it’s over, ovaries.
Sayonara, Adios, Don’t let the door hit you on the ass – uh – tube…
I’m off to live my life with Braca. Don’t think for a minute that I’m naive about this new relationship. I know it will have its own set of challenges, but I’m going in with my eyes wide open and a hopeful outlook for a long life together.
With love and appreciation for all you’ve done in my life…
Me
Enjoy your week everyone!
Love you people!!!!
Mmmmppphhhuuuhhh!!!
xoxo,
Ms. Cheevious aka Lisa Jey Davis
Editor in [Mis]Chief
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MsCheevious
Ms. Cheevious is the alter-ego of Lisa Jey Davis (former publicist, and television talent manager, current award-winning writer & author, & health and fitness pro). Though Ms. Cheevious has become known for humor via the blog and social media, offering a lighter and brighter look at life… the blog was originally a precursor to Lisa Jey's long overdue book "Ms. Cheevious in Hollywood" which offers a fabulous, funny peek into what really goes on behind the scenes in Hollywood… a Hollywood with Lisa Jey and her funny “serendipities” in it. Think Lucille Ball meets Chelsea Handler meets the girl next door (with a little chocolate and vodka). It depicts with hilarity the innocent mistakes Lisa Jey made when launched back into the big, bad single jungle, as an unassuming single-mother in the City of Angels. It’s also about the beautiful, interesting life she led while her loving, incredible sons kept her grounded and sane amid fantastic events, new friends, parties and field trips. It also shows the turmoil and heartbreak that comes with dating and single mom life. All blog content © 2015 Ms. Cheevious aka Lisa Jey Davis
What an absolutely perfect, funny and actually, sweet, Dear John letter. I can relate to everything you said about your relationship with your ovaries – they have made our lives incredibly complicated. I’m happy you made the decision you did and you sound really stable about it. Really great article!
Thank you Elyse! {{{SMOOCHES}}}
Having two daughters, every month I question the design choices made when constructing plumbing in females. Males too for that matter. Whoever did it, was either drunk or in a terrible rush
Great post!
Thanks Alan. I appreciate… I’m sure your daughters would too!
xo
Ms. Cheevious, you have a knack for making something serious very funny. I commend you for your decision and bravery. Thanks for sharing your experience . You’ve probably helped more women faced with a similar decision more than you know.
Thanks Elise! XXOO
SHOOOT, I am glad mine are non-functioning now. Love this “Sayonara, Adios, Don’t let the door hit you on the ass – uh – tube…”
Perfectly stated!
hahaha thanks Judy!!! XOXOXO
You have my complete sympathy as reflected in the Y vs. X chromosome dichotomy. It’s called “Prostate Cancer.” One dies with it, usually not from it. They say if it kills you when you are 103 you’ve won! The certain fix is excision, a queasy idea anyway and especially with rampant nosocomial infection. An
alternative solution for advanced cases (mine) is to stay the cancer growth. This involves suppressing the causative growth hormone, to wit, testosterone. In its absence prostrate cells of all kinds including the cancerous ones do not develop and the prostate gets smaller as cells die, To this end one receives an occasional (every 3 months) gluteus injection of luprolide whose effect on the body (via the pituitary) is similar to surgical removal of the testicles which otherwise produce testosterone. If one is already old enough sex drive has already passed on and the only noticeable side effect* is having hot flashes. Thought you’d like to know. Keep up your good health, you have admirable guts to respond so well to knowledge.
*Other side effect is tendency for accelerated osteoporosis for which one gets a compensating shot. Overall a chemical variation on being bionic.
Eaeme
P.S. I did something wrong and this ‘Not Too Serious’ label got into Disqus and I can’t get rid of it.
wow eaeme… healthy life to you as well… sorry to hear about this… but you – being very serious (and not the Not Too Serious” moniker) are obviously on top of it!!!
Hey Eaeme: Just wanted to let you know there is a new treatment to replace knew or other joint replacement surgery. It’s out of NY however… I can’t recall the freaking name of it, though. Non-invasive… the ad seemed intriguing, and was in the Hemisphere’s magazine while I flew on United this week… You may want to investigate… Then again, M.C. Nugget’s mom had knee replacement surgery and is better than before!
She was 76 when she had it this year.
Thanks for the tip.
So far the knee isn’t bothering me whatsoever with the problem that sent me to the Orthopedist in the first place: real pain especially going down stairs. He gave me a series of three shots in the knee over a couple months- probably some kind of cortisone. However my last ski run this spring (coming out of shade into near slush with an abrupt stop) led to a fall in which I cracked the medial side of the ‘bad’ knee on the top edge of the other ski. Figured it was just a bruise but now some 10 weeks later some postures (like lying on my side with the knees touching) make it vaguely tender. I have been considering Sarah’s sessions of half hour cycle plus half hour Megaformer. I would guess that with the cycle leg exercise they wouldn’t do lunges but rather go just for the core and upper body. That would meet my doctor’s suggestion that I use my bicycle for cardio and would also be good for related core work. Right now I’m only riding my bike for short runs and not much of that.
In short I don’t feel the need for knee replacement, at least not yet. The idea of a non-invasive remedy is interesting. I’ll poke around with Google to see if I can find something related to what you spotted. Our orthopedist referring to my wife’s problem (too little cartilage between two bones in a healed broken ankle) once mentioned a procedure involving placing stem cells in the joint. I presume thats intended to regenerate cartilage. He hasn’t mentioned it since.
Eaeme
just tell Sarah you can’t do lunges and will need some alternatives to do if they do any… then you can do all of the classes. I was in two car accidents in 1 week (rear ended both times) earlier this year, and couldn’t do many of the exercises, so I just did alternates when needed… If you let them know, they’ll accommodate you!