Just another day at the beach.
Originally posted on Lisa Jey’s Instagram as a series.
#DailyNugget
Skeeters from Hell
#TheFunny #DailyMischief
Shortly after running the Piper home security system giveaway contest (which ended on Mother’s Day), M.C. Nugget flew me out to Ft. Lauderdale to visit him on the set of a show he was shooting (called Graceland, on USA Network). It was a quick trip, sandwiched betwixt and between a vigorous pilates teaching schedule, and immediately following my gigantic hoopla of a book release party (more on that in my next post)…Mother’s Day notwithstanding..
I admit, I landed at Ft. Lauderdale airport frazzled, worn out, dazed, and in much need of a GIANT VACATION, which is why I failed to post the winner of the Piper contest…until now (see bottom of this post to see if you won).
Also, I wasn’t prepared for the thick, dripping heat and humidity. Someone said to me, “It’s summer here!” Like I’m supposed to know what that means. Come ON.
I mean, yeah. I knew it would be hot and humid.. But I didn’t really know it would be hot and humid. Know what I mean?
I loved it though. Every minute. The balmy air felt so great on my skin as we lounged by the pool on the first day, sipping cocktails.
I curled up with my kindle and continue reading a friend’s book I’d started on the plane — a true guilty pleasure by Diane Rapp called Murder Caribbean Style, a mystery/romance with totally fun, and most-likely utterly implausible situations that I immediately believed and gobbled up, because… PFFF it took place on a CRUISE SHIP, and in the CARIBBEAN.
I blew off my work… and… relaxed. Ahhh, it was wonderful.
THEN, the next day, we lathered ourselves up with insect repellant to prepare for being on-location in the Everglades. We caught the cast shuttle to the set, and stepped out into Mack’s Fish Camp. I felt pretty spiffy, myself… as if I’d stepped off the pages of my friend’s book to visit a cool, “off-the-beaten-path” place, with alligators they know and love swimming around hoping for a chance meeting with a stranger’s foot.
I made sure none of my body parts had a chance meeting with the alligators (click to tweet that). But I was completely taken off-guard by the mambo insect-repellant-resistant mosquitos that sucked my blood, pelting me with welts.
It really….. can I say this? Are you ready for this?
It SUCKED.
The next day, Nuggie and I planned to get a workout in at the hotel fitness center, but stopped to lay by the pool for a bit first. The sun was warm and cozy once again, and it felt so good to sit on the edge of the pool dangling our feet in the cool water.
The gym was a stone’s throw from where we sat on the pool’s edge. As the the warm sun grew brighter and hotter, I looked to my right and just over Nuggie’s shoulder was the door to the bar. Five more feet away was the door to the gym.
I weighed the possibilities. Bar? Gym?
I asked Nuggie about a cocktail. We deliberated about it. My welts were hurting. It was hot.
It turned out we didn’t really want to work out anyway. Plus the gym was so much further away.
That was the beginning of my last day in Florida. If anyone asks why I didn’t work out and got sauced and a bit sun kissed by the pool, tell them the Skeeters from Hell made me do it.
Dammit.
(Tell everyone on Twitter how the mosquitos sucked here)
Register to receive these posts once a week by email and get my eBook “Ahhhhh…Haaaaaa Moments with Ms. Cheevious” for FREE as a result (a $3.99 value). Registration is on the right side bar of every blog post on MsCheevious.com, or on our Facebook page. You can read about and purchase all of my books on my book page. See you next time.
Blog content copyright 2015, LISA JEY DAVIS a.k.a. Ms.Cheevious.
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PIPER GIVEAWAY!!!
Here is a screenshot of all those who left comments to win the PIPER Home Security System. If a name is listed more than once, it’s because they commented here and on the blog. Not a SINGLE single parent commented to my knowledge, so sadly, as much as I’d hoped they would comment, there are none who received three entries.
AND THE WINNER SELECTED BY RANDOM.ORG IS: PAMELA MORSE!
Techno Babe Moments – Mother’s Day: A Piper Giveaway
CLICK HERE TO LEAVE A REPLY & BE AUTO-ENTERED INTO THE CONTEST
There’s an interesting phenomena that happens when M.C. Nugget leaves town for any period of time. I’m told by those who spend time with us that the overarching impressions are both of how much fun we have together, and of our extreme individuality. We love each other and we crack each other up, to the point of tears. I’ve almost spit my cocktail across the table in some very fancy restaurants on more than one occasion… but we each have our own taste and personalities. This, you guys, is what they say is healthy.
But when Nuggie goes out of town, you’d think we’d never been out of each other’s sight. He gets all clingy and cuddly and cutesy and stuff.
Ew.
It’s a problem.
I need my space (do I really need to say “insert sarcasm” here?).
Fast forward to now (this morning he flew off to Florida to do his acting thing, and I’m here on my own, sniff sniff). It’s close to Mother’s Day, and the folks at Piper approached me to take a look at their product. They think their little device (which they allow you to name… I named ours Peeper) makes life simpler and less worrisome for moms. I agree. And I think it’s especially cool for SINGLE MOMS, because Piper allows them to keep tabs on what’s happening at home (whether the kids are chasing each other with kitchen knives or sitting quietly like little darlings, studying), right from their cell phones. This is why I’m super excited the Piper People (had to do that) graciously sent me a second unit to give away to one of YOU lucky people! (Only in the US this time… Sorry!)
CAN YOU SAY “FREAKIN’ AWESOME GIVEAWAY”!!?
My first thought for Nuggie and I, and our use for Piper was… PFFF! Now Nuggie doesn’t need to be so dang clingy… .
With Piper, M.C. Nugget can get a piece of me from 3,000 miles away.
And yeah… there’s always that vice versa thing.
It wasn’t until we installed it, and I was using it on my phone, we realized that his phone wouldn’t also connect to the device. At least not in the few seconds we tried to do that.
But here is the run down on Piper:
- It’s a home security and home safety device that you connect to with your smart phone via the Piper Mobile app.
- It has three security modes: Stay Mode, Away Mode and Vacation Mode.
- It has a panic button so you can get help right away.
- It has a live viewing button, so you can see what’s happening in its viewer’s range at any time.
- For each mode, you have settings to choose from, in the event motion, a loud sound, or a change in temperature is detected: They are:
- Record a Video
- Notify Me
- Notify Trusted Circle
- Sound Siren
- You only have to add batteries to the unit and you’re ready to go. It’s a very simple and easy set up.
- Possible uses: Checking on your slightly grown kids, spying on your lover (did I just say that??? NOOOO…), observing a new babysitter in action, monitoring your house while away… so, so many uses!
- And, it works like a charm!
I tested Piper while Nuggie was here in town, and it was eery just how much sound and visual it picked up. I also tested it this morning on myself. It was sheer, utter, silliness, and mayhem. With Nuggie gone there is no one to pull in the reigns, you guys. I’m sorry! But you can see the absurdity (and get another entry to win the unit) by watching (and commenting on) the video here.
Here is how to WIN:
You get one entry into the random drawing for commenting here on the blog, and you get one entry for commenting on the video here. Winner will be chosen on Mother’s Day and announced soon after that here on the blog. YOU CAN WIN THIS FOR SOMEONE YOU LOVE. Just say so in the comment and have their address handy because, if you win, the unit will ship directly to them.
An EXTRA ENTRY for Single Moms:
If you are a single mom, just say so in either of your comments, and you’ll get an additional entry. Sorry folks! Single moms can use this little guy for free more than most! (If you are trying to win this for a single mom you know and love, you must state that in your comment and her first name. The unit will be shipped to that person, so be ready with their address, in case you win!)
Here are some more photos… You know… what comes in the box, as well as some screen shots from the app, itself.
Good luck everyone! And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! Winner will be chosen on or after 11:59 PM on Sunday, May 10, 2015!
Don’t forget to see the corresponding video review HERE (you get another entry for commenting there)!
CLICK HERE TO LEAVE A COMMENT & BE ENTERED TO WIN!
This time it will stick
#TheFunny
Some could argue that my blog isn’t really for mommies because my kids are grown and my stories aren’t about my kids or being a mom, much.
M.C. Nugget and I were eating dinner the other night (my homemade chicken, vegetable and green chile soup, sans noodles or any starch), when he plopped something into my bowl. A piece of zucchini. Then PLOP… another one…
What? You’re not enjoying the zucchini? I thought you liked zucchini?
Yeah…. not that much, and not that mushy, he teased.
See??? I bring the skills I learned as a mom to EVERY.THING. Even dating and relationships.
IT NEVER STOPS.
The difference here is, Nuggie is grown up. He gets to be who he is and I don’t try to change him. That’s his job.
So I ate his zucchini, and I LIKED IT.
So much is happening for me both professionally and personally this year. All great things. But with new great things comes new, added pressures. With added pressures, comes the immediate need for me to get serious about fitness and health, and to slim back down to the lean, mean, well-oiled fighting machine I’ve been in the past.
It’s A HUGE YEAR FOR ME. And slimming down is the best way I can make this year the best year, ever. I keep replaying in my mind… if Jane Fonda can rock her latter years and stay lean and healthy, DAD-GUMMIT, so can I.
And even though my to-do list is fairly packed:
- Book Launch —- CHECK
- Book Signing —- CHECK
- Reach #1 Bestselling New Release on Amazon —- CHECK
- Win another award for the book —- CHECK
- Teach Pilates Classes all over the city, day and night —- CHECK
- Red Carpet, Celebrity Book Release Party in May —- WORKING ON NOW
- Giant Mother’s Day product review and give away – EEEEE! You guys will LOVE this one! —- Coming soon
- Huge jewelry-ish review and give away — OOOOO! You’ll love THIS one too! —- Coming soon
- Enormous, stupendous, landmark birthday for me —- in July
- Finish classical Pilates certification —- end of year
- Launch Single Mom Luv smart-phone app —- this year
- Write fun blogs here and health/fitness blogs everywhere else, including those I do for Livestrong.com —- CHECK
- Direct photo shoots for Livestrong.com —- CHECK
- Moderate a fitness/health/nutrition panel for Digital Hollywood with some of the biggest names in fitness —- CHECK
- Publish next book “Getting Over Your Ovaries: How To Make the Change of Life Your BITCH” —- sometime in the next twelve months, I hope.
- And guess what? M.C. Nugget keeps hinting he may actually ask me out for a THIRD date! EEEEEEEE!
THIS must go to the TOP of my TO DO LIST:
17. Healthy eating and lifestyle changes (which includes going very light on the cocktails) —- HAPPENING NOW
The next day, when Nuggie asked me if we could sit down to study French on the Rosetta Stone (which he got me for Christmas, since we are going to France this year too)… I’m sure he was thinking “Why not? What’s one more thing?”
But you guys!!! I need this healthy eating, lifestyle thing! Because I friggin’ love food. Scratch that. I LOVE having a good time. 99.9% of the time, “good times” involve really great, fattening, starchy, buttery food. Plus wine. Plus chocolate. And vodka. Often, cheese and proscuitto with water crackers.
Give me a few drinks and you KNOW I’m eating that pizza. Don’t try to stop me.
I know.
I KNOW!
Nuggie and I laughed about this, because I have this habit of going all DEEPUFF CHOPRA on myself for big events (where I de-puff with my trademark, Zen-like focus and drill-seargant discipline leading up to a big event), only to become Puff the Magic Girlfriend afterward.
In fairness to ME… I think I’m a Tiny Pufflestiltskin most of the time, but when an important life event nears, Deepuff Chopra takes over and slims down. Then, I just relax and allow things to go back to “normal” afterward.
THANK GOD, I haven’t ever let it get out of control (not since that time right before my divorce…that time I talked about in my book).
THANK GOD, Tiny Pufflestiltskin isn’t too horrible to look at.
But, you know? I’m not content to be “not too horrible to look at.”
“Not too horrible to look at” is not the tag line I’m going for (not that there is anything wrong with that).
I always aspire for more, and for feeling the BEST EVER.
So, SAYONARA, because I’ve decided to allow my zen-like, drill-sergeant ways to take the reigns FOR.EVER.
Signed,
Your former “Puff the Magic Girlfriend,” soon-to-be lean, limber and healthiest ever friend,
DEEPUFF CHOPRA
And THIS TIME… I MEAN IT.
THIS TIME IT’LL STICK.
#DailyMischief #Diet #Exercise #Fitness #Health #DeepakChopra #Zen
MOM FACTOR: Don’t let the kids always decide what you’re eating. YOU.ALWAYS.DECIDE. End of story.
Register to receive these posts once a week by email and get my eBook “Ahhhhh…Haaaaaa Moments with Ms. Cheevious” for FREE as a result (a $3.99 value). Registration is on the right side bar of every blog post on MsCheevious.com, or on our Facebook page. You can read about and purchase all of my books on my book page. See you next time.
Blog content copyright 2015, LISA JEY DAVIS a.k.a. Ms.Cheevious.
A patch-and-a-half habit
So… without getting overly personal (yeah right), I’m going to tell you something only a few people on the planet know about me.
Okay, it’s somewhat personal.
I wear a medical patch that strategically releases essential medication through my skin into my blood stream on a daily basis. This patch makes the existence of “somewhat normal Lisa” possible. Without this patch, “Bitchy, homicidal Lisa” swallows up somewhat normal Lisa and mutates into a giant, sledgehammer wielding psychopathic, yellow-eyed monster, destroying everything in her path.
(I admit, when tasked with drawing a super scary, psychopathic killer female, I ended up with some kind of sexy she-devil. One could argue seduction by sledgehammer is a little freaky, though.)
The patch is supposed to dole out HORMONES, AS-NEEDED people. It keeps the evil beast sequestered into the dark recesses of the mind, and hidden deep beneath the surface, where there is only sunshine, butterflies, bubble gum and twinkle lights… If the patch doesn’t do its job, LOOK OUT. No one wants to be around Bitchy, Homicidal Lisa.
I think we can all agree the patch is a friend to us all.
Then, recently the pharmacy changed the patch I use (my insurance quit covering the usual one and I was back to the TORTILLA sized generic one I thought I’d rid myself of months ago).
It wasn’t until I’d been wearing the new patch for about a day that I noticed something was off.
It started when general (fairly usual) computer glitches interrupted my work flow. It’s a bit foggy now, but I believe I was trying to sync something from my smart phone to the Big Screen, when I yanked the chord from my phone and flung my poor Samsung across the room.
Then I went out into the world.
When I returned home, I was shaky, sweaty, weak in the knees with heart palpitations, presumably returning home from my first kill. I told M.C. Nugget that perhaps something was wrong with my patch.
“Really?” he said, backing slowly away.
“Yep! flailing my arms around wildly as I spoke, “I hurled expletives that I never say on the road today!”
I said all of this with eyebrows raised. Do you KNOW how insane that looks, you guys?
“And… I actually entertained the idea of running over a little old man in a hat when he ran across Venice Boulevard, willy nilly. THERE WAS NO CROSS WALK NUGGIE! He just zipped across, hoping we would all see him and no one would hit him.”
I paused.
I was about to go on, when Nuggie asked “So you think it’s the new patch? What do you think is wrong?”
“It’s generic! GENERIC! It’s probably made of cardboard or something.”
“So….” he began, “You can’t cut off another half of one, and put it on too, can you?”
Leave it to Nuggie to make me laugh in a moment of utter TERROR.
But I actually thought about it for a second. “I HARDLY HAVE ROOM ON MY ASS FOR ONE PATCH!” I laughed. “Can you imagine?”
[REMEMBER THIS FROM WHEN I USE TO WEAR THE SAME PATCH:
It’s big enough to make a burrito]
Then, thinking about it a little more I said, “But you’re probably right. I wish I had enough patches to wear a patch and a half!”
Then he did it.
M.C. Nugget ended with this, and dammit, I wish I could take the credit. He laughed and said, in his best Ms. Cheevious, bitchy girl impersonation: “I have a patch-and-a-half habit DAMMIT! I NEED THEM! Give me more patches! “
A patch-and-a-half habit. We’re talking a SERIOUS addiction here.
Register to receive these posts once a week by email and get my eBook “Ahhhhh…Haaaaaa Moments with Ms. Cheevious” for FREE as a result (a $3.99 value). Registration is on the right side bar of every blog post on MsCheevious.com, or on our Facebook page. See you next time.
Blog content copyright 2015, LISA JEY DAVIS a.k.a. Ms.Cheevious.
Hooked on a feeling
HOOKED ON A FEELING
#DailyMischief
When I first got divorced, I wasn’t even thinking about dating, per se. I was off in La-La Land (Los Angeles for you newbies in the class… get with the program) trying to stop flopping around as a single person, when the first interesting guy came along. He turned out to be a guy who’d cheated on girlfriends on multiple occasions, but that didn’t stop me, no. I WAS HOOKED. It wasn’t necessarily HIM I was hooked on. We weren’t in a relationship for goddsakes.
I was hooked on the feeling, baby! He just happened to be the first person who came along, was a willing participant, and put the bounce back into my step (or the spark into my -um- spark plug?)….
I often confused that tingly feeling with feeling special or being treated special. And heck, that tingly feeling is pretty FREAKING special. Can you blame me?
By the time I rose up from the ashes of those post-divorce “sparks” and realized it hadn’t been a lover whispering sweet nothings, but my hormones trying to scream at me…well… I’d met far too many losers.
But really, ladies, ADMIT IT. You do this too. You make the mistake of falling for the same bad guy over and over again, because not only does it feel good when we get a little action, but… well…here’s a hint: THE BAD GUYS WORK HARD TO WOO US. (Plus, most women love the challenge of taming the wild beast more than we like to admit. TRUE STORY).
And for our part, we’re putty in their hands. They’re the carpet baggers and we are handing them our prized possessions, because dammit that tingly feeling feels GOOD! You could hook me up to an i.v. NOW. I wouldn’t say no.
So when the folks at DatingMetrics.com showed me a study with statistics around this phenomenon, I knew I needed to explore further. Granted… these are people writing blog posts like “Talking to Girls Like 007” and “Picking Up Women in the Wild: 9 Lessons from the Animal Kingdom” but I was intrigued, nonetheless.
So, I conducted a scientific evaluation of my own and am hand-delivering my findings to you, here and now.
Read on, learn, and NEVER, EVER fall for a loser again (and by loser, I do not mean a hot, gorgeous, edgy guy… those guys aren’t bad, right?):
Who ARE you people at Dating Metrics, and WHY did you do this study?
Think of us as mad scientists who measure the do’s and don’ts of dating in a secret laboratory. We did this study to wrap up the bad boy vs. nice guy debate once and for all because there’s been a lot of talk recently that nice guys are the 21st century choice and we wanted to cry BULL SH*T!
There’s been a lot of talk that nice guys are the choice for the 21st century, and we wanted to cry BULL SH*T!
But to shout from the rooftops we needed proof…so we found it in the TV characters that get women addicted to shows like The Vampire Diaries, Mad Men and True Blood.
After rounding up 53 of the “sexiest TV character” lists ONLY written by women and counting 444 votes we slam dunk proved it: 86% of women’s favorite TV characters are – you guessed it – bad to the bone. Bad boys aren’t just winning…they’re cleaning up.
86% of women’s favorite TV characters are bad to the bone. Bad boys aren’t just winning… they’re cleaning up.
What was the most shocking thing you found?
Get this: 40% of women’s votes didn’t just go to any old bad boy. They went to cold blooded MURDERERS like Dexter Morgan, Damon Salvatore and Jesse Pinkman.
Most shocking: 40% of women’s votes went to cold-blooded MURDERERS.
This quote from a Dexter fan kinda says it all: “I’m starting to get alarmed about how many murderers I would justify getting with, but Dexter only kills other killers so it’s like he’s not even a killer at all. He’s basically Batman. Beautiful, ginger Batman.”
Sure, this was all about fantasy boyfriends (serial killers wouldn’t be ideal in real life), but despite this data being very tongue in cheek, it speaks VOLUMES about the type of man that makes women…you know…go WILD.
Tell me, oh gurus…why do you think we women DO THIS STUFF?
Women do it because oh…it feels so GOOOOOD! Bad boys allow women to unleash their most primal, sexual urges. They deliver a roller coaster ride of passion, danger, adventure and animalistic lust. Here’s a quote from a Don Draper fan that sums this up perfectly:
“Don Draper is sex. Don Draper is beauty. Don Draper is the kind of guy who will leave you at the side of the road, and have angry sex with you while making Kraft dinner.”
==============
Like I said people…. Hooked on a feeling.
I mean, feelings are good, but come on. Get over it. Take a trip to the sex toy shop if you must, or find a better feeling. You deserve it!
Oh – and here’s a nifty infographic you can pin, post, tweet, pluck, whatevs…. Check it out (and don’t forget to comment on this post):
