Ms. Cheevious in Hollywood

My Zany Years Spent Working in Tinsel Town

Parenting

It’s not all about sex (but it really is stranger than fiction)

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IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT SEX (BUT IT REALLY IS STRANGER THAN FICTION)

 

#DailyMischief #Memoir #Parenting

 

I was talking to my oldest son “Joel” the other day about the one thing every single person alive hates to discuss (if it’s at all uncomfortable), yet not one of us escapes:  THE PAST.

 

KNOW THIS: If you delve into “the past” with your adult kids, you’re headed for trouble.

 

(you can tweet that here)

The conversation came up because Joel has been a little less than enthusiastic about my upcoming memoir “Ms. Cheevious In Hollywood: My Zany Years Spent Working in Television in Tinsel Town.” This stems from a time a few years ago when one of his friends stayed at my apartment. Though I’ve been living with M.C. Nugget for several years now, I maintain my apartment as an office of sorts.

I swear, if I’d known his friend was going to start leafing through my book’s promotional materials and old book proposals that were on the shelves, I would have set up a candle hexagon around my shelves, done some serious incantations and put a Doberman Pinscher on guard. YOU GUYS! His friend perused my stuff!!! MY STUFF!!!

But once his buddy saw the stuff the damage was done. An old title for the book that I kicked around for a couple of years, and under which I won the award for Best Unpublished Manuscript at New York Book Festival in 2007, was “MILF This! Confessions of a Hot Mamma.” It was also “Adventures of a Hot Mamma” at one point, but you get the gist. I came up with this bright idea because I am a marketing maven, and knew the title would elicit a huge response. Hey, it’s still a great title, but that title was also encouraged by a former editor who read a couple of chapters, saw that I was shocked to hear about MILF’s, and assumed the book was going to be all about my sexual adventures and would only get juicier.

Cover4a

Cover2b

MILF THIS! OLD SAMPLE COVER

Above are a few sample covers (part of said “stuff” that was rifled through) included in book proposal that went to agents and publishers (they were never intended to be actual covers, because I do not own and did not do the artwork).

Then I wrote the rest of the book.

Suffice it to say a title change was in order.

But that was IT. Joel’s friend jabbed, teased and never let him live it down. I happen to know this friend never bothered to actually READ the material. If he had, the entire room (including said friend) would have deflated when he realized I had nothing scandalous to confess, and no steamy sex stories he could share on My Space.

THAT’S WHY THE BOOK DIDN’T SELL AS NAMED TO PUBLISHERS OR AGENTS. THE STORY DIDN’T MATCH THE TITLE.

It took several conversations before Joel finally understood that MS. CHEEVIOUS (the new book title and, well- ME) was and is not about sex; the book never had been, truly, and it was (and is) more about the emancipation of a single mom who got her sexy back and went after her career dreams after a nasty divorce; Ms. Cheevious is about empowering women (especially single moms) to set goals and make their dreams a reality despite the odds, while learning to let loose and ENJOY EVERY MOMENT (and the celebrity factor didn’t hurt, either)..

After all of that… after the sleepless nights and worry over his mom the floozy, Joel finally came around and said he thought he “got it” now… the whole Ms. Cheevious concept.

Fast forward to present day, and the fact that I am a GREAT mom.

Let’s focus on that for a while, shall we?

I always do what I can to facilitate peace and harmony in my son’s lives.. I can’t control it, and I must be who I am, naturally! But I will do what I can to help them discover peace and true joy if given the opportunity, and if I am able, of course.

So as the day fast approaches that Ms. Cheevious THE BOOK is published, I decided to allow Joel to read those sections of the book pertaining to and involving him. He asked to read them when I mentioned a story from the past that made it into the book. Somewhat freaked out he said, “I’d better see anything in this book that has anything to do with me. This IS non-fiction you know, so it matters.”

He obviously doesn’t read the Ms. Cheevious blog very often to know my reality is peppered with sarcasm and lilted for “the funny” but yeah. Let’s go with that. NON-FICTION. (here’s that to tweet too)

I let him know that my book has a very clear disclaimer stating it is a memoir and not an auto-biography. It states that others’ recollections of the same events will most certainly differ from my own recollections. But no, he still wanted to torture – I mean – reward himself with a first look.

So I sent it over.

That was weeks ago.

I’m still waiting.

Ahhh….this is what moms do, I suppose. But hopefully he’ll be okay when he realizes my real-world story isn’t all about sex (but it really is stranger than fiction).

#MomFactor: Do NOT talk about the past, if you can AT ALL avoid it. AND…. Be careful what you agree to when attempting to be a good mother.

Coming Soon: Ms. Cheevious in Hollywood by Lisa Jey Davis #Memoir

Acceptance is Key

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I have a friend who took her two sons on a first-ever “just them” vacation recently. She says she learned two things: 1) She loves her kids deeply and loves being a mother (her sons are officially both adults now), but 2) One of them is not nice to her (as a matter of fact, he is borderline verbally abusive and downright disrespectful). When I heard this, I was a little shocked because really, the guy is a pretty cool dude. But apparently, he simply will not accept his mom for who she is and he is pretty damn insistent that unless she change some pretty significant things about who she is, they’ll never get along …

Suffice it to say, she’s not loving spending time with him. She even said “I just don’t like him.”

Know this: She was extremely upset and hurt over this. It really broke her up… because, well… how could a mother not like her own son? It made her feel embarrassed and ashamed. But in the end, she was pretty much “done.”

Does this make her a bad parent? I think not. We are not required to “like” everyone on this planet — even if it turns out to be one of our own offspring. It is sad to think it’s possible that after we pour so much love, blood, sweat and tears into someone, it is even remotely possible they could turn out to be a person we don’t want to invite to the next event. But you know, at some point we still have only ourselves to take to the grave … and we must stay true to *that* person.

Gone should be the days of squelching our true selves, sweeping our loves, interests and wishes under the carpet, or changing and adjusting goals or desires because someone else thinks we should (or they simply can’t handle the healthy choices we’ve made for ourselves). Rest assured, we are not talking about the need to abstain from alcohol or drugs around someone who struggles with substance abuse, or anything similar to that. This was a personality trait that one of her lovely boys would like to miraculously disappear. And it is a trait, (or a way about her, I suppose), that I happen to personally admire in this lady.

When all is said and done, I always come back to this:

CHOOSE TO SURROUND YOURSELF WITH PEOPLE WHO WANT TO BE AROUND YOU, AND WHO WILL WORK AS HARD AS YOU DO AT ACCEPTING OTHERS FOR WHO THEY ARE.

 

What are your thoughts on this?
I’ll see you next time my lovelies with something fun, fantastic and fully flirtatious!

 

Love you people!!!! Mmmmppphhhuuuhhh!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

aka Lisa Jey Davis

Editor in [Mis]Chief

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Image credit: http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/human-rights/images/33280878/title/human-acceptance-photo

This was originally posted on the Lisa Jey Davis website blog Tiny Little Posts

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Getting over your ovaries by Lisa Jey Davis ebooksm And coming soon ‘Getting Over Your Ovaries. How to Make ‘The Change of Life’ Your Bitch’! ***DANCING DORKISHLY AROUND THE ROOM***
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Now That We Snuck By the Apocalypse

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Since the world did not end and we snuck by the Apocalypse on December 21, 2012… AND since planet earth is now safe (yeah right) and sound (yeah right), I’ve got a brilliant idea: Let’s all go back to grieving the loss of Pluto.

Photo credit: http://www.isrealli.org/international-team-discovers-seven-new-planets-outside-our-solar-system/planets/

No?

Well, I’ll have you know, though I dragged my feet through drying concrete to do some things in the event the Mayan’s were right (Who knew? Apparently now someone found aNOTHER calendar, and yes, there is a new end of planet Earth in sight, but we’ll be long gone before that ending…), I worked diligently toward the following (and… SHEESH… oKAY. I’ll continue to do these things. Twist my arm.):

… I taught my two sons to respect women, and all humans… to be mindful of how their actions effect others, come hell or high water… or my wrath
… I made a few people laugh, (and laughed right along with them) which took me to a happy place many times
… I THINK I helped others see the importance of loving, truly living, and thinking outside of the box in all matters big and small (but showed them the small stuff is SO not worth sweating)
… I loved my family and did what I could to be a great mother, daughter, sister, aunt and more to everyone I’m connected to
… I lived a spiritual life, and realized there is more going on in this great universe then a chain of events caused by accident
… I traveled to a few of the beautiful and exotic places on my list
… I experienced some of the greatest times in work and play, and was given opportunities many only dream about

but most of all…


… I enjoyed every single moment of my life – Cinnabons or monkey bread (in a pinch), Jameson Irish Whiskey, Chocolate and Vodka (and since that list makes me feel way too sweet, I’ll throw in some enchiladas) all my cohorts

Of course, now that there IS no Apocalypse, my list seems a little morose, to say the least. It’s like I died or something. But I DIDN’T, which is cool, because it means I’ll just go on living my glorious life as usual. Gotta love that.

It’s been fun talking in what-ifs everyone! Now (munch munch… glug glug)… it’s down the hatch! Onward and upward toward the next millennia… BRING IT 2013!

Have a wonderful week. I can’t WAIT for the upcoming holidays. I’m like a kid in a candy store with Christmas. My plans are all set, and they’re gonna’ be grand, though they’ll be sans my two boys (sniff sniff). Be safe out there, and don’t let the crazies get the best of you. Spread a little sunshine, mixed with brash, balls out “funny,” and Enjoy Every Moment!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

Editor in (Mis) Chief

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All Blog content copyright 2012, LISA JEY DAVIS aka Ms. Cheevious

My Life in Real Time, A.B.E.

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This past week my life became divided into two eras (think, “2000 B.C.” or if you ascribe to the other label, “2000 BCE” and “2012 A.D.”).

I chose to be defined by my most recent surgeries, and the “eras” in my life were humorously labeled Before the Boobie Era (B.B.E.) and After the Boobie Era (A.B.E.). Today I’m going to share my life in real time, A.B.E.

The era titles are all part of a master plan, of course… a Ms. Cheevious, fun way of bringing attention to October and Breast Cancer Awareness Month (and in honor of my sister Mimi Larimore, who lost her battle with Ovarian Cancer – something that is typically related, genetically).

I actually wrote/talked about the creation of these two eras, and shared a special edition comical v-log about it this week on Singles Warehouse. It was a lighthearted glimpse into my life  and a couple of reasons the two eras came to be… (that post is here and you may need it after reading this one — OY: http://www.singleswarehouse.co.uk/2012/10/before-the-boobie-era-bbe/).

But shit just got really “real” for me tonight.  I can wax Ms. Cheevious (empowered, frivolous, free-spirited) all I want, but if someone brings the shit to me, well they’re gonna’ get Ms. Cheevious with a whole boat load of Lisa J. backing her up.

Just keep reading.

Every single one of us moves through our lives in our own space and time.  We know when we feel good, fulfilled…happy, and when we do not. We set our goals in life based on the memory of those feelings and the desire to be in that good, fulfilled… happy state for ourselves, our children, our lives.  I’m talking about our persons people.  We know when we like who we are, and when we don’t. We set goals for who we want to “be” (and all that entails).

We become focused on these goals… chipping slowly away at achieving them, unrelentingly.  And along that little path, the compulsion to continue the pursuit remains, even if out of balance, while the tendency to aggrandize and justify our sometimes too-fervent efforts (as altruistic and pure … for the good of ourselves, our children and our loved ones) rises up within us at every “thought” or every “someone” who would question our uber-focus toward our goals.. desires… even our efforts. Hopefully as we move along the path, we correct any present imbalance and move back to center, still focused on the prize.

Though this path of focus and sometime achievement often provides us obstacles of either our own design, or of those we meet on the path… seldom do our movements provide a crystal clear glimpse of their affect on our loved ones.

It’s no matter if determination is our sword (as it is mine) and humor and frivolity our shield (that’s mine too).  Nothing dooms the work of the sword so fast, at least in my case, as the verbal declaration of my own son of his embarrassment at the thought of being known as the son of Ms. Cheevious. His life’s dread is for his friends to connect him to “her.”

Yes. Here the happy-go-lucky “I” was, and moving through my life, chipping away at my goals, enjoying every moment… when my adult son, who is part and parcel to the journey (one of the very reasons behind the compulsion to achieve goals, to relentlessly chip away at them for the good of “him”… of “them”), made it clear he does not want to be associated in any way with the Ms. Cheevious side of me. Something about guys and the way they think, and the fact his mom is attractive, single and in her forties, or some such story… that is all he could offer to explain. He obviously knows nothing of Ms. Cheevious…

I could spend my entire life or certainly the rest of this article analyzing this. I could die trying to make sense of why on earth a website moniker, even a persona that is rooted in LIVING LIFE POSITIVELY, having FUN, the PURSUIT OF DREAMS, the PURSUIT OF AUTHENTICITY and THE EMPOWERMENT OF WOMEN would embarrass anyone.  I could also chalk it up to insecurity… or ignorance.  That he simply doesn’t know what it’s all about, who I am or who Ms. Cheevious is. That he’s basing it purely on what he “thinks” the name means, which is ridiculous.

But I won’t do that. I’d be making his same mistake.  I don’t know the depths of his reasoning. And he has his own journey. He has to choose his own sword and shield, and if they inhibit his ability to “allow” all around him to “be” who they want to be, including me… well… I cannot help him. I can only be….well, me.

I am pretty damn good at analyzing my own shit, especially if I go deep, but I don’t ever get very far attempting to analyze anyone else’s, so I’ll spare you.  All I can do is respond, assimilate, absorb and continue.  I love both of my sons. I love all of my loved ones.  I accept them for whomever they choose to be… even if who they choose to be doesn’t allow for me, as I choose to be.

And so, it is in the here and now, in real time, that I’ll spell it out for you. This is where the shit gets real:

Dammit all, but life is not what we expect.  It doesn’t come to us in the pretty package we love, that is easy to handle and comfortable for us to “live” in.  Life comes to us with a bunch of loose tools, nuts, bolts and moving parts (some with a will of their own), and we attempt to put it all together without an instruction manual.

The fact is, I am Lisa J. Davis.  I am Ms. Cheevious. Ms. Cheevious is everything I truly am and I am everything she could ever hope to be… Fun-loving, free-spirited, thoughtful, energetic, intelligent, fearless, fierce, loving, kind, giving and MOTIVATED beyond belief.  All of these traits (and so many more) are the essence of me… and the essence of Ms. Cheevious, and what I hope for any Ms. Cheevious woman.

So, if my son (or any loved one) has deep-rooted beliefs or misunderstandings of what it means to “be” Ms. Cheevious or me, and chooses to take on a fear of association without really knowing what it means… well, that, my lovely boys and girls is truly and quite simply their choice.

That’s it? That’s where the shit gets real?

Why… yes! And that is a friggin’ EPIPHANY people!  That choice is what makes those loved ones who “they” are. And I choose to allow them to “be.” To sit with that.  I may ache for a bit over their choice, knowing there is so much more that could set them free if they only tried to see beyond their paradigm…  that there is so much more we could share and love and live together, if they only could see… I can hurt for the rejection.  But I also love them without attachment. I love my son for everything that he is, for the life he is building with his tools, nuts, bolts, willful moving parts… and with no instruction manual. I love seeing what’s coming out of his life. It thrills me, warms my heart, makes me laugh, cry and shine with pride. And I will continue to do so.

But this is my life, my friends, in real time. I am Ms. Cheevious, and I always will be.

Before the Boobie Era, After the Boobie Era, come rain, shine, sickness, surgery, health, love, loss … I am very happy in my own skin. I am glad for my life, for who I am, and I look forward to the next adventure.

Bring it… because I am sticking around…


Image Credit: http://www.thinknice.com/cute-inspirational-pinup-quotes/

Now go out there and be just who you are, come hell or high water.

“Believe in Yourself & all that you are. Know there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle.” – Christian D. Larson Quote

Love you people!!!! Mmmpphhhuuuhhh!!!!

xoxo,

Lisa Jey Davis

aka Ms. Cheevious

Editor in [Mis] Chief

Before You Go:

Please post on Facebook or tweet the below statement, in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month:

SAVE.YOUR.LIFE. If relatives suffered Ovarian or Breast cancer, GET THE GENETIC SCREENING. #BRCA #BreastCancerAwareness @MsCheevious

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Other articles you may enjoy from Ms. Cheevious:

Before the Boobie Era (BBE) (On Singles Warehouse)

Lack of attention to her boyfriend spurs Lisa Jey’s creation of a new era! (Read More)

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Why I’m Glad I’m a Woman – And You Should Be Too

 

I’m fairly confident I could write an equally flattering post on how wonderful it is to be a man; however I’m not one. It’s great to be a chick. (READ MORE)

 

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All Blog content copyright 2012, LISA JEY DAVIS aka Ms. Cheevious

Lessons Learned While Conquering the World: #2 How To Deliver Kids That Don’t Suck

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I sat down at the end of week-one of my glorious vacation to Manchester By the Sea, MA, just 30 miles North of Boston (visiting the family of M.C. Nugget), to write this quick article.

After promising to encourage you to BE the person you would want your kids to be (or something along those lines – as a follow up to “Lessons Learned While Conquering the World: #1 Overcommitting is a Bitch“), I serendipitously read a post on Huffington Post Parents – an interview with psychologist Madeline Levine, author of the book everyone is buzzing about, “Teach Your Children Well: Parenting for Authentic Success.” Funny.  It must be in the ether out there – this concern about raising good, smart, well-adjusted kids.

I know what I promised, but I’ve decided to shorten the point.  How about “How to deliver kids to this world that don’t suck?”

You singles without kids — Don’t run away too quickly.  Because turning out a generation that won’t enter movie theaters with an arsenal of weapons intending to kill everyone in its path (or at best, steal, lie and cheat…) is apparently a job for the entire community, because it ain’t happening through their parents. And accomplishing something TRULY radical, like maybe raising responsible, smart, successful, well-adjusted kids… and hell, how about kids who end up as fun-to-be-around adults for a change?  That’s even more on us.  Yep, US.  That means you and me.

Why us?  Because most parents are failing miserably, far and wide. They aren’t even trying to be parents.  They’re trying to be best friends to their kids.  What’s worse is they aren’t even succeeding at that.  At best, they are the most unpopular friend in their kids’ circle of friends. They’re the one that gets picked on and hazed by their spoiled kids and his or her spoiled friends.

Oops. Now I’ve gone and offended a whole slew of people. Probably most people. Because, as I said – most parents today suck at parenting.

Now, before you get all twisted inside and write me hate mail, or provide me a laundry list of all of the things you do right for your kids – let me qualify this by saying, you are probably the exception.  And I mean that.  Which means that your kids are the exception as well. So, in your case, this article is merely going to serve as robust ammunition for you, when a rock is thrown through your front window by someone else’s lousy kids, who were all the while laughing, not at all afraid of repercussion from you… (I swear, it’s the stuff psycho-thiller flicks are made of. Where the “good” parent blows a gasket, punishing and torturing all the horrible kids to a cheering theatre audience). Then you can bring up how these other parents are failing their kids, themselves and society as a whole.

Also, I am not talking about mentally challenged kids or parents, or all of the rare instances and situations that are the exception to what I’m saying.  You know who I’m writing about here. You all know parents who suck. They can’t control their kids, they don’t do anything to teach their kids right from wrong, and sometimes they even justify their kids’ wrong-doing, because they want their kids to “discover” what’s right or wrong “for them.” Whatever the hell that means. God forbid they establish and hold them to any “rules.” As if anything in life ever required anyone to follow “rules!”

So much for writing a quick article.  Let me speed things along here.

Hang onto your hats, because earth-shattering points are not easily made in short, succinct posts. But I’m pretty good. I’ll make it happen. Pay attention. This is going to be quick. I’m going to ROCK YOUR WORLD with just TWO things sucky parents can do to insure that their little darling Suzy won’t end up in the state women’s correctional institution.

Though my kids are still growing, and the jury is still out on how they’ll turn out, I’ve learned some things along the way, while conquering this great world of ours. Trust me.  I battle these things every day with my own kids, their own role models and step-parents, and I evaluate my own actions constantly to be sure I’m not a sucky parent as well.

Here they are:

1. MAN (OR WOMAN) UP

You are the boss. They are the underling. End of story. What you say goes. You are not perfect, you may not even be right, but you are the BOSS. You have earned your right to make mistakes, even if they don’t like it or it doesn’t sound “fair.” It is not a democracy.  You were not voted into this office. They have an issue with you being in office?  Tell them to talk to the great GENE POOL in the sky, because you didn’t ask for them to show up and stage a mutiny either.  Tough Toast kiddos.

This doesn’t mean you lousy parents can lay down martial law and go all NUTSO up in your kids’ faces.  I’m not talking abuse here. You have to figure out a balance, and be sure to temper yourself with what’s “RIGHT.” And you’ll need the next step to help you out.

2. DO WHAT YOU SAY (Otherwise known as DO UNTO OTHERS baby)

If you’ve ever been a lousy parent (at any moment of any day), you’ve probably said this all-to-familiar line (or heard it when your own parents were being lousy): Do as I say, NOT as I do.

Now how the HELL is THAT going to work? As asinine it sounds, lousy parents around the globe actually tell their kids to behave in ways they don’t even attempt to exemplify.  “Don’t lie”… (it’s not lying if I really must miss work), “Don’t cheat” (unless of course I could win ALOT of money), “Don’t steal” (it’s really just borrowing.. my sister never uses that),  the list goes on.

FAILURE-LOSER parents don’t brush their teeth every single day and night, don’t wash their hands before meals, and after every bathroom use, don’t take the grocery cart back to the rack in the parking lot, and don’t refrain from gossiping about other adults behind their backs, all the while telling their kids to do those very things.

Hey – we all screw those things up!  But sucky parents screw up and pretend they didn’t or make excuses for themselves, telling their kids to do the right thing without fail. You non-parents are no angels here either.  Hey, my son who’s under eighteen lives out of state with his dad.  I get it.  We are use to living single, child-free lives.  We expect kids to be sweet and respectful to everyone, then make exceptions and excuses for ourselves when we curse like sailors in traffic, or at the mall parking lot… or really, anytime it’s convenient (the excuses part, people… not the cussing part… although I do that whenever it’s convenient too).

The point is – If you do what you SAY, you’ll be a better person. PERIOD. The kids in your life will be better too.

If you screw up, admit it, address it, apologize, and move forward and make an effort to DO WHAT YOU SAY the next time.  Is it really that difficult?

I’m done. Go forth and change the kids of the world, already, would you?

Love you people!!!! Mmmmppphhhuuuuhhhh!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

Editor in (Mis) Chief

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All Blog content copyright 2012, LISA JEY DAVIS aka Ms. Cheevious