Guilt Can be Good

Okay, so this morning I woke up at 4:15 am to ride with my boyfriend to Denver for a doctor’s appointment.  He’s had this “pain” in his neck (believe me, it is not I that am the pain in the neck.. his pain has lasted for over five years), and finally, after the two years I’ve dated him, he’s finally found someone who can help.  He does this combination of acupuncture and this craneal sacreal massage sorta-thingy…  Anyhow, I went partially out of guilt.

Ever wonder why in the hell we repeatedly open the door when guilt comes knocking?  I know the answer!!

Want to hear it?

Really?

Well, it’s because we LIKE IT.  We are friendly with guilt.  We’ve developed quite the comfortable relationship with her.  Yep – guilt is not “metro-sexual.” Guilt is a “she.”  Aren’t all environmental and societal traumas relegated to the female gender?

Nevertheless, I digress.  I was talking about waking up at a GOD-AWFUL hour this morning.  I wanted to go with my boyfriend.  It was my suggestion, because in the two and a half years we’ve been dating I’ve been very supportive, and been there for him at appointments and such.  I’ve done internet searches into the night helping him discover a clue to his mystery illness.

But beginning last spring, we began to hit a few bumps on our path toward relational bliss.  We underwent a few periods of separation.  They weren’t break-ups.  They were periods of time where he would stay with his family in Arizona while he visited the Mayo Clinic, or when I traveled extensively shopping my book to agents in NY, or another time when I drove out to California in search of myself.

Anyhoo…  I am leaving town again this Thursday for eight days.  I’ll be at a 5 star, 5 diamond resort in Santa Barbara, California, and without my man!  (It’s a work thing).  So… when I realized my hunka-hunka-burnin’ love was gonna’ be here in Aspen paradise, and not in beachy, Southern California paradise with me, I felt sad.  I remembered the times a couple of summers ago, when we took road trips to go hiking, or we’d pack up whatever food we had at the last minute and jump in the van to go camping – just for a night.  He is the only man who could ever show this city girl how to enjoy the mountains – bugs and all!  (okay – not the bugs… ewww).  Ahhh, but those were the days.  It’s not that we’ve lost any sort of enthusiasm.  We’ve had our regular share of relationship challenges, but it’s actually very easy to be with Tom.  I love him.  I actually LIKE him!  He makes me laugh so hard, I want to pee sometimes.  AND we WORK together.  We both own our own businesses, which go hand-in-hand together, and we BOTH work from our condo.  It’s amazing we get along as well as we do… but we do.  It’s just that business has been so good in the last year or so, we’ve had very little down time.  When we first met, I was on a break from working for a while, and we played all summer long.  Ahhhh…  I remember it well…

Anyhoo (did I say already that?), I felt sad, and sadness turned into guilt over not spending enough time with my wonderful, special, adorable man.  So, when my zen chimes were piercing my ear drums at 4:15 this morning, I got up with a smile!

I’m still smiling, and it’s 9:37 pm.  It’s a tired ole smile, I must admit.  But if you look past the haggard, frizzy, curly hair, you can still make out the slightest upward curve of the lip, and the twinkle in one eye.  (no I’m not a one-eyed girl…)

I’m so glad I went.  It was well worth it, and spoke volumes to my man.  I suppose in this case, guilt was a good thing (or gal?). See?  She can get a little too comfortable hanging out at times!