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Marrie Lobel

I’m Your Bridge (Over Troubled Water) Baby

March 11, 2013 by Marrie Lobel

Guest Post By Marrie Lobel

Drama, trouble, pain, heartache, stress, disappointment, and fear; the seven dwarf bastards that swoop in like thieves in the night hijacking your smiles and turning calm seas into troubled waters. Recently, my home was invaded by several of these brazen bandits.

 

troubled couplt

 

Though I am directly involved in the commotion; the heaviest blows were levied on my man, Dr. A. After the initial shock of the chaos wore off, I observed Dr. A cope with his emotions. His mind was consumed and our home in disarray by the turmoil of events that were completely out of our control. This was the most beaten I had seen him. My knight in shining armor, my pillar of strength, my Superman had just been buried in a pile of kryptonite. I wanted to leap into action like Wonder Woman, slaying all his foes and healing him with my Amazonian powers; however, I stood frozen. I knew that the best way to be there for him was to stop, survey the damage, and take my next steps with care. I appreciated that he didn’t need to be rescued, what he needed was support in order to see his own way through. I couldn’t save him, stop the pain or even eliminate his enemies…only he could do that. I was there to hold the candle of hope in case his light grew dim. Dr. A didn’t need a super hero but rather a friend, much like a Sherpa who can help him through the perilous territory in case he began to lose his way. I am his partner, his equal, his comrade in life…not his savior. Dr. A was a man who in his own time of need, taught me a valuable lesson about how to support a loved one when they need it the most.

Shut Up & Listen

I let Dr. A vent his feelings without commenting on even the most irrational thoughts. I know him to be a reasonable, intelligent man but his pain consumed him and his raw emotions took over. He had the right to express himself freely, without fear of retribution or shame. I had to shut the hell up, swallow my 2 cents, and hear with compassion.  Dr. A deserved the freedom to slay his own anguish; with strong words and intense visions.

Not the time for ‘I told you so”

There were times he spoke word-for-word predictions I had shared in previous conversations; but what purpose would serving him cold humble pie on a silver platter prove? To what end? Slurping my ego back into my throat; I swallowed the desire to be right. Dr. A’s pain was not the goal of sharing my predictions initially; only an attempt to prepare him from possible end games. End games I prayed I had predicted incorrectly.

Offer advice…ONLY WHEN ASKED

The shameless dwarfs of heartache, stress, pain, and drama eventually loosened their grasp. Dr. A began to stand taller, speak more objectively and strategize on how to deal with the problem. I listened with an open heart and an open mind. I kept my 2 cents buried. It wasn’t until Dr. A invited me in and openly asked for advice that I coughed up my opinions. Keeping my mouth shut allowed me to hear ALL that Dr. A had to say. He shared his feelings, perspectives, and hopeful outcomes. With all of this information I was better prepared to help guide him; understanding better where he wanted to go!

Don’t fight his battle

More than anything I wanted to kick some ass. I wanted to fight all the wrong-doers who caused Dr. A unjustified misery with my mythical girl powers. Not that he couldn’t defeat them on his own…I was pissed; not just peeved but mad cow, full blown, bat-shit-cRaZy furious. I had to continually remind myself that my words and deeds could make a bad situation worse. I also had to keep in mind that Dr. A wanted to fight his own battle and didn’t need me poking my bitch stick at the hornets’ nest. He could take care of himself and my temper would need to be kept on ice.

Offer perspective

Distressing events have a way of making problems appear larger. There were moments shortly after the ambush where Dr. A’s hurt began to invade and corrupt his perception of otherwise unaffected aspects of his life. At first I listened but if his vision continued to be skewed, I helped to remove the goggles and gently pointed to the view as it was.

Understand the emotions come in waves

After a couple of weeks, Dr. A’s flash of anger and frustration were less frequent and intense. However, even though time has a way of healing all wounds; the scars remain. I understood that although life went on, our house began to settle, and Dr. A appeared back to his old self; the side-effects would be long lasting.  There were moments where I saw him lost in thought realizing that a wave of retrospection and twinge of hurt had risen to the surface. And that’s OK. I asked if he needed to talk and if he said ‘yes’ I listened…otherwise I dropped it.

Being there to support my man wasn’t always easy. The feelings of pain, anger, and frustration spilled on me like wine on a party dress but keeping my feelings, thoughts, and actions in check allowed me to support someone I care for in his most vulnerable moments. Despite the attack from the bold dwarf bastards, we survived the battle with a stronger relationship. We are better prepared for whatever storms await us as we sail through life. The seas won’t always be calm but at least Dr. A and I know that we will never have to navigate rough seas alone; providing guidance and loving support every step of the way.

This post was originally published on Marrie’s website Dirty In Public.

Special thanks to Marrie for allowing us to share one of my all time favorite of her articles here on Ms. Cheevious!  Please share this article on Facebook & Twitter, and comment on this to show how much you agree — if you have time, you Rock Star, you.

Tune in next time for a post dishing on a city in the Pacific Northwest and some “little celebs that could…”

Love you people!  Mmmmppphhhuuuhhh!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

Editor in [Mis]Chief

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ABOUT MARRIE LOBEL

Marrie is a Geekalicious NorCal Betty masquerading opinions about dating, sex & relationships as fact through dirty talk & wicked rants. You can read more on her personal blog, Dirty In Public and on Singles Warehouse where she is a #SWEXPERT contributor.

 

MORE WAYS TO FIND MARRIE

Website: www.DirtyInPublic.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/DirtyInPublic @DirtyInPublic

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DirtyInPublic

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All Blog content copyright 2012, LISA JEY DAVIS aka Ms. Cheevious

 

Filed Under: Marrie Lobel, Relationships, Uncategorized Tagged With: Dirty in Public, Knight in Shining Armor, kryptonite, Marrie Lobel, raw emotions, Relationship Struggles, Supporting My Partner in Times of Trouble, thieves in the night, troubled waters, wonder woman

Why I’m Glad I’m a Woman… and You Should be Too

July 1, 2012 by Marrie Lobel

Ms. Cheevious Note: This week, I’m thrilled to welcome Marrie Lobel as one of our guest-contributors.  Her blog, Dirty in Public, happens to be one of my personal favorites. Her provocative, articulate posts range from true-life stories and the lessons learned, to tips for how to behave (or not) in “special” situations. She’s our Bomb-a-licious contributor (she is, after all, The BOMB). Here, she’s graced us with her take on all the wonderful things that make women, well, fabulously female.

You all know what to do: Read, enjoy, “Share” (hit the share button and post it everywhere) and Tweet to your heart’s content about this little piece. Let’s show her some love.

xoxo

Ms. Cheevious
, Editor in (Mis) Chief

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Why I’m Glad I’m a Woman… and you should be too

I’m so glad I’m a woman. By saying this I am not bashing all you fabulous men. I’m fairly confident I could write an equally flattering post on how wonderful it is to be a man; however I’m not one. With all the drama, back-stabbing, cackling, and gossiping associated with the female of our species there are still some pretty marvelous things about being a chick. Rather than dwelling on all the negatives, I thought it would be fun to take note and celebrate all the glorious reasons why I’m glad to be a woman…and why other women should be too.

I Have Boobs: They’re fabulous, fun, and breathtaking. I can prop them up or dress them down but no matter what, they’re always a lovely accessory. Size doesn’t even particular matter…men are just pleased as punch to have the opportunity to be face-to-face with these mystical feminine lumps.

I Can Procreate: I admit that having children can be a pain in the…well…neck; however, I’m still in awe at the experience of having grown a child inside of me. It’s common but no less incredible. The bond I felt while nurturing my daughter has to be one of the most extraordinary experience I have had or ever will have. I know some women feel it to be a curse but for me it’s the best part of being a woman; labor and all.

I Get to Be Emotional: I am free to cry and have insecurities. I get to experience and enjoy my moods unabashedly. I get to indulge my weakness and celebrate my strengths in full glory for all to see. Women are known as emotional creatures…and that’s fine by me!

I Get to Wear Make-Up: Nature isn’t always kind, that’s why I thank my maker and Lancome for make-up! Got a blemish? No, worries, I have concealer. Looking pale? Bronzer to the rescue. Putting my best face forward and dolling myself up makes me feel confident on the inside because I know I look good on the outside. As superficial as it may sound, sometimes it’s the little things like pretty lipgloss that can get you through the day with a smile on your face.

I Don’t Have a Penis: Elaine from Seinfeld said it best, “I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things.” TRUE DAT! Shrinkage, spontaneous erections, and constant shifting…my god, it’s a virtual circus in their pants at all times. No wonder men are known for thinking with their unit, so much of men’s metal energy is devoted to his penis’ well-being their mind might as well stay there!

I Get to Have a Job I Enjoy: Yeah, I know, women make less for the same jobs and her odds of promotion depend on how well connected her male counterparts may be. But hey, let’s face it; women are happier with their career choices and experience less pressure to uphold the family name or bring in the big bucks as many men feel. Women also have more job security {women have weathered the recession better than men} and keep their positions longer. For me enjoying what I do is more important than how much money is in the bank. Because I’m a woman, I’m free to pursue my interests independent of expectations.

I Have Feminine Charm: Just as the size of your boobs doesn’t really matter for most, neither does your dress size. Women have a power all their own; if a woman feels sexy and owns her sexuality her body shape is of little importance. I love that through the power of desire, I can bring the strongest man to his knees if I put my mind to it {for good reason}. I love owning my sexuality and empowered by the energy of my sensuality. Women may be the fairer sex, but that doesn’t mean we are all Snow White!

I Have Female Intuition: Personal experience has taught me that I have an instinctive understanding about life, love, and the dynamics of personal relationships. I tend to be the glue that holds my family together and the rock that supports in times of great need or sorrow. Like many women, I can hear what is not being said and understand why. Women are shrewd family negotiators and insightful mediators to friends. Women are intuitive about the complexities of personal situations and respond, well, tactfully.

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ABOUT MARRIE LOBEL

Marrie is a Geekalicious NorCal Betty masquerading opinions about dating, sex & relationships as fact through dirty talk & wicked rants. You can read more on her personal blog, Dirty In Public and on Singles Warehouse where she is an #SWEXPERT contributor.

MORE WAYS TO FIND MARRIE

Website: www.DirtyInPublic.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/DirtyInPublic @DirtyInPublic

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DirtyInPublic

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Don’t Be Shy! Leave A Reply!

Register to receive blog posts via email on the Ms. Cheevious Home page. Be sure to confirm when you receive your verification email!

FOLLOW MS. CHEEVIOUS IN ALL OF THESE GREAT PLACES:

FB Like Tumblr
Twitter     FB      Videos  Tumblr

You can also follow my man M.C. Nugget on Twitter, and NOW on his Facebook Page!

All Blog content copyright 2012, LISA JEY DAVIS aka Ms. Cheevious

Filed Under: Guest Post, Hot Moms, Marrie Lobel, MILF, Motherhood, Single Moms, Single Women, Uncategorized, Womens Issues Tagged With: Boobs, Dirty in Public, Emotional, Feminine Charm, Geekalicious, Make-Up, Marrie Lobel, Single Women, womens issues

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