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My Zany Years Spent Working in Tinsel Town

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Weather

Taking charge in the car

August 21, 2013 by MsCheevious

I love how my son Graden’s mind works. He’s been brilliant and confident since birth.

We were driving through the desert near Paige Arizona when he was about two, and encountered an incredibly scary and dangerous thunder and lightening storm. You’d have to be acquainted with my ex… the person that he was oh, at least sixteen years ago, to understand why this became more of a “thing” than necessary. Let’s just say that driving fast or with unlimited access in any climate was prerequisite… and never questioned. He owned a four-by-four, gigantic mofo truck with a huge lift kit (the kind I needed a running start to get into), so he believed he was impervious to any climate or environment while driving.  Scale a vertical cliff in the truck? Yup. Drive 70 miles an hour in a monsoon, with zero visibility? You betch-ohhh ass, dad-gummit.

I tried to mask my fear for Graden’s sake, because the alternative was to go bat shit crazy in the car, and that wouldn’t do  anyone any good. I opted to keep my bat shit to myself. I wanted him to believe we were all very safe, and daddy knew what he was doing. NOT. But his peace was most important to me. I couldn’t do anything about the thunder and lightening show, and certainly couldn’t help that we appeared to be driving through the car wash from hell.

When the lightening and subsequent thunderous cracks in the sky drew ever so close, and deafened our ears, it was Graden who said something.

Graden: Mom?

Me:  Yeah honey?

Graden: Can you turn it off?

I knew instantly what he meant. Make the lightening and thunder stop. His dad and I exchanged knowing glances, his dad, finding this extremely amusing.

Me: Oh honey, no, I can’t turn it off.

Graden: Why?

Me: Because honey, only God can turn it off.

There was a pause for a minute, as Graden pondered this, no doubt envisioning a mean old God up in the sky looking down at us, on-off switch nearby, but was he doing anything? No. He was grinning with devious glee as he watched the little people down below cower in fear over his power.

Apparently Graden would have none of it.

Graden:  I’ll turn it off.

Me (sideways glancing at his dad): You will?

Graden: Yeah.

I laughed a bit, and was awed by this kid, sitting peacefully in his car seat, contemplating how he was going to take charge.

Me: Okay, honey. If you can turn it off, then you do that.

There was a long pause… while Graden thought about how and where to do this…

Graden: Where is it?

 

A little boy who's comfortable taking charge in the car

Ya gotta hand it to kids. They really do know what to say to make everything better.

Filed Under: Daily Mischief Tagged With: #dailymischief, daily mischief, driving in storms, god, kids, lightening, Road Trip, storms, thunder, toddlers, Weather, wisdom

Enough Whiny Snow Talk

February 10, 2013 by MsCheevious

I was inspired to write this post, because of all the snow talk… talk of the record-breaking blizzards and snow storms that hit the Northeast here in the U.S. over the past few days.

Do you recall last winter (remember, back in 2011 and 2012?), how people seemed astonished by how mild the weather was?  The entire country was convinced that there was truth to the global warming thing, because it seemed that none of the ski areas had good snow. Some never even opened. In the entire country.

That’s a huge landscape people.

People whined and complained about it. I always listen in disbelief when people talk about the winter being too warm. When I was a kid, I was out sunbathing in sixty degree weather. I lived for “warm.”  But complaining about a mild winter?  That’s risky.  I love how the blogger Dooce stated that she wanted to butt into those conversations with a can of mace:

“Because the Universe? It is always listening. And it’s like, oh? Really? You want snow? YOU JUST WAIT. Because this winter I’m going to pin you down and shove snow down your maw so hard you that are going to poop ice through Labor Day.

The Universe was so not kidding. In fact, the Universe is Tony Soprano.”

M.C. Nugget (my beau) and I were guilty of this very same whining and complaining last year ourselves. We weren’t thrilled with the mere pittance of snowfall received at Mammoth Ski Area, because it was the one and only place in years that either one of us had relented and actually bought and paid for a season pass.  So, in a sense, we had every right to complain. We had a vested interest, and the great Mountain did not deliver.

But I gotta tell you something. Here in Southern California, it was only a few short weeks ago we were shocked and awed by our 85 degree summer-like weather. We’d just gotten a few weeks past the news of the East coast Hurricane Sandy horrors, and still, things here grew warmer and balmier.

People were talking about it, and loving life here on the sunny left coast. I overheard someone saying how they remembered Januaries here as always experiencing a bit of a heat wave.  I don’t have a recollection of it being the case every year, but eh? What did I care? It was warm and yummy out. That was good enough for me. I nodded and smiled.

20070111santamonica

Then over the course of the next few weeks our warm balmy weather started to turn cloudy, foggy, rainy.  What was happening? I tried to ignore it. I thought surely it was a freak of nature and our warm balmy breezes would soon return. No. We had some ups and downs.  It would get warm, and then it was like the universe was having a wicked, amusement with us, wringing it’s hands “Mwahahaha…” It was warm, then cold. Sunny, then foggy. Warm again for a few days last week, and our hopes were kindled. We breathed out in relief.

But then it happened. No sooner did the weather forecasters warn of dangerous blizzards, record-breaking temperatures and snow falls on the East coast, that we here in Santa Monica started to feel the chill in the air again too. The wind and rain and chill grew more intense.

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As I put on my Uggs, and pull my puffy coat back out of the crevice in the closet reserved for forgotten winter gear to run a quick errand, I’m a little miffed.  NO. I’m EXTREMELY MIFFED. I’m kinda tired of hearing about your snow problems. First it’s “There isn’t enough snow! wah wah wah”… then it’s “OH NO… THERE IS TOO MUCH SNOW.” Which is it people?

Someone took my SUNSHINE, for goddsakes. That is just wrong. And I think the East coast is to blame.  The record breaking cold temperatures, snowfall and dangerous blizzards probably caused some kind of planetary shift in weather patterns… so it’s bye bye warm and sunny, hello gooey, dewy, drizzly, foggy schmutzy weather.

So, there shall be no more whining about your sad snow. There has been quite enough whiny snow talk.  Boo hoo hoo… you’re too cold?  Well so am I.  So stop your whining, UNKAY?  I want my Indian Summer back!  If you’d like to appease me or set my mind at ease, you could send me some Irish Whiskey or something to warm me up.  That might help.

Now I think I better go out for a walk on the cool, brisk beach.

Love you people!!!! Mmmmmpppphhhuuuhhhh!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

aka Lisa Jey Davis

Editor in [Mis] Chief

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Filed Under: Living Life, Sheer Utter Silliness, Uncategorized Tagged With: blizzards, global warming, Hurricane Sandy, Mammoth Mountain, Mammoth Ski Area, Santa Monica, Ski Area, Ski Resorts, Snow, snow storms, tony soprano, Weather, Winter

The Weather Does Not Comply

October 28, 2012 by MsCheevious

I engaged in a twitter conversation the other day about the horrors “Frankenstorm” was expected to inflict on New York. A friend was saying, “I am really hoping you won’t come to New York, storm… but I think you won’t listen.”

Yes. People tweet these things, myself included.  It is sickness… these conversations we have with inanimate objects in a forum where said objects could never answer, even if capable. Okay, that’s debatable. As soon as the keystrokes left my fingers to complete that thought, I realized that acts of nature are in and of themselves, responses. I suppose if the power goes out as a result of the storm, it will be Frankenstorm’s way of saying, “Hello? Did you challenge me? Did you say something to me, the great and powerful Frankenstorm?”

Lil’ ole me wrote something which, now that I know the storm is happening, even as you read this (most likely), now seems quite capricious. It said something like  “I prefer to stay more positive and let my intentions be known… “you will *not* come close. You will turn back…”  I meant well, and I do believe my friend either got it, or was pissed off,  as she promptly deleted her original tweet, which as a result, deleted my reply.

The fact is, the weather does not comply. All the purposeful thinking, intentions and positive thoughts in the world will not make Mother Nature listen. We can pray, meditate, beg, and if the storm moves, we thank God (or whomever we spoke to about this dilemma). If it doesn’t, we move along quietly, wondering what we did wrong.

Calm down now. We did nothing wrong. Weather is weather people.

It’s going to blow its wind, rain its rain, shine its sun and snow its snow whenever and however it chooses. There is not a whole lot we can do about it.

Wait.

Scratch that.

We can most definitely have a teensy, tiny affect on weather by continuing the high-speed ozone layer demolition course we’ve been on for decades (maybe even a century now). That will most definitely affect whether we have heat in summer and cold in winter.

But will weather change, divert, move away from us in respect to what we want?

Let me say it once more, this time with feeling:  The Weather — Does Not — Comply.

And we should know this by now.  Why doesn’t everyone on this planet know this?

It’s hot as hell here in Santa Monica. I’m talking late 80’s and 90’s during the day. To top it off the Santa Ana winds are in full force, wreaking havoc on everyone’s allergies.  Later in the evening it turns cool and damp, which of course rings in a furious flu season.  We know this type of weather is fairly normal here, particularly in Summer. But not this late in the Fall.

Listen. I know. I can hear it now: Awe, poor you! You’ve got balmy sunshine and warm breezes! Oh boo hoo hoo!

I realize how ridiculous this entire article is, but realize I’ve just had surgery. As part of the FAT HARVESTING from my legs and the FAT GRAFTING done to my BOOBS, just after they CUT THEM UP, TRIMMED SOME SKIN AWAY and RE-SHAPED them… well, I am required to wear, what I like to refer to as my own personal pair of Spanx.  It’s not a pair of spanx, unfortunately, and it’s not very comfortable to wear, especially if it’s hot.  So cut me some slack, yo.

I’m no idiot. I realize how ridiculous my description of my personal “hell” is, while New Yorkers and millions on the northeastern seaboard are battening down the hatches, stocking up on emergency supplies and running around panic-stricken over Frankenstorm.

But still. I’m hot. And the weather will not listen! And here is a little poem I wrote to illustrate it for you:

THE WEATHER DOES NOT COMPLY

The weather does not comply.
No matter how hard we try.
It will not do as I say.
It will not do as you say.
It will not in the East. It will not in the West.
It simply won’t comply, not even at your best.
It will not in the North, and neither in the South.
It will not hear a word that comes out of your mouth.
Not in the Fall or in the Spring.
It won’t comply for anything.
It will not change its course.
Not from a car, or on a horse.
Comply it will not do.
Not even just for you.
Not when it’s hot or far too cold
Not when you’re young or when you’re old.
No matter how hard you try
The weather does not comply.

Before You Go – Enter Our BIG Breast Cancer Awareness GIVEAWAY! You have until Wednesday, 10/31.

Win a Hard Rock Cafe Gift Bag FULL of great GOODIES (it’s free and you’ll help spread the word for Breast Cancer Awareness. If you’re a GUY – you can enter too. M.C. Nugget entered to win for his mom. Now GET TO IT!

Gotta love Dr. Suess, Sam I am and Green Eggs and Ham!  Have a fantastic weather-filled week!

Love you people!!!! Mmmpphhhuuuhhh!!!!

xoxo,

Lisa Jey Davis

aka Ms. Cheevious

Editor in [Mis] Chief

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Other articles you may enjoy from Ms. Cheevious related to Breast Cancer Awareness (or Boobs in general):

Before the Boobie Era (BBE) (On Singles Warehouse)

Lack of attention to her boyfriend spurs Lisa Jey’s creation of a new era! (Read More)

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Why I’m Glad I’m a Woman – And You Should Be Too

I’m fairly confident I could write an equally flattering post on how wonderful it is to be a man; however I’m not one. It’s great to be a chick. (READ MORE)

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All Blog content copyright 2012, LISA JEY DAVIS aka Ms. Cheevious

Filed Under: Living Life, Sheer Utter Silliness, Uncategorized Tagged With: Dr. Suess, Frankenstorm, Green Eggs and Ham, Sam I Am, Weather, Weather does not comply

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