I’ve got better things to do
Remember the time I told you that my version of a perfect world would call for the immediate and total annihilation and extinction of every living bug and creepy crawly insect in our universe? Well, my ongoing battle with the bug and insect kingdom has been covered here ad nauseum, infinitum. So hows about another topic?
I’ve since changed my entire position on my increased tensions with the bug world. It’s not that the bugs and I actually like each other or get along now, GOD no. And no, we did not elicit help from our Congressional leaders in an effort to cool the tensions. Hell no. Our Congressional leaders are far too busy with more important matters like shutting down our government and stuff.
No, I still loathe the little beasts. But I did realize that if we don’t do something about the bees that are dying in droves on planet earth, we may witness an apocalyptic-like scenario never before seen. Besides, those creepy crawlers and flying pests have made it absolutely clear they’ll follow me to the ends of the earth. The little pests are constantly doing things to annoy me while everyone keeps saying how they’re doing so much GOOD (like pollinating and eating trash and other things). I always protested (to put it mildly), because someone had to cry foul.
But in an effort to preserve the human race (because… save the bees), I’ve decided to let bygones be bygones. And you guys… this is no small task! We’re talking years of tension! I can clearly recall numerous times I’ve been doing my thing, walking down the block (for example), only to have a bee buzz its way up my nose or into my ear (have I said this before?). I’ve knocked children, tricycles, trees, and the occasional senior citizen down while running, screaming, arms flailing around trying to escape or SMASH the pests to smithereens.
But I have decided that in every new similar situation that arises, I will try to access (from deep within my memory banks) the instructions my dear mother fed me repeatedly while growing up. Instructions for how to deal with bullies:
“Ignore them.”
Do you understand how hard that is for someone like me? Listen. Every single time some freaking idiot kid did something horrific like take my Troll doll and smear it through dog poop in the yard, and my mom said “Just ignore them,” I was the kid who decked the psycho, and then followed her advice….
But I now realize change must come.
I believe with deep resolution that my dear mom’s approach is the best possible option, since my kingdom and the kingdom of the little beasts must dwell together.
So I’d like to seize this moment while tensions are high and everyone is frantically searching for a solution, to let you know just how I plan to be the bigger – um – person.
While the bugs may continue to run around looking for ways to bite me or nip at my delectable skin, I’ll be waxing my very best Meh – and – And you are??? While I’m doing THIS:
SUCK IT bugs. I mean….
Can’t we all just get along? Because, LORD knows I’ve got better things to do.
Allegory intended.
