Ms. Cheevious in Hollywood

My Zany Years Spent Working in Tinsel Town

MsCheevious

When Nuggie was my Cartman coach

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WHEN NUGGIE WAS MY CARTMAN COACH

 

#DailyMischief

 

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Do you guys watch Southpark? I love that show. It’s inane and it makes me laugh (on alternate days, it also makes me want to throw up, but meh… it’s a give and take). The other night I tried and failed miserably to impersonate Cartman (one of the show’s characters). As a matter of fact, I think it was the same night I told you guys about, when Nuggie and I were at happy hour and I thought I should try to put those Bassett Hounds on sets of long legs to see what kind of dogs they would resemble if they weren’t so short and waddle-y.

My impersonation of Cartman was so bad, even I was embarrassed. That’s huge.

M.C. Nugget gave me a pitiful look and laughed in my general direction. Then he graciously tried to teach me how to do a proper “Cartman.”

So there we were… Nuggie and I, strolling down Main Street in Santa Monica, while I tried to say “Paiiiiih” (that’s “pie” in Cartmanese).

I would love to have been a stranger walking behind us to hear our goofball, whacked out exchange that went something like this:

Paaaaiih

“Do THAT but with a higher pitched voice.”

Paaaaiih

“No, like this: Paaaaiih…”

Paaaaiih

“More nasal.”

Paaaaiih

“That’s it!”

This, THIS ladies and gentlemen is why Nuggie attended college, and studied acting and dramatic arts in London… so he could help me perfect my Cartman.

And boy is he GOOD.

You see? College is so important.

south park heaven

 

 

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Photo credit:
Joelstuff V4 / Foter / Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)

 

 

Release the hounds

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RELEASE THE HOUNDS

 

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File this one under pure mischief and sheer utter silliness, you guys.

The other day Nuggie and I were out sampling the mixology at the Canal Club in Venice Beach (our new cool spot for happy hour), when a guy walked by our window with his Bassett Hound. I think Bassett Hounds may be an endangered species. Seriously. When was the last time you saw one?

As the guy walked by, I looked out the window and marveled. These dogs are actually pretty big dogs if you think about it. Their bodies are pretty large for those short, little legs.

SIDE NOTE: I was also sipping on the best Ginger Martini I’ve ever tasted (though it was really my first) and it packed a punch, so you won’t be surprised what happened next.

I said, “I wonder what Bassett Hounds would look like if they had longer legs?”

As often happens, M.C. Nugget was confused. “What do you mean? Like, what kind of animal?”

“No, I mean, what kind of dog would they look like? Do you think a Labrador?”

“Maybe,” he said. Then he stopped himself short and teased, “What? Are you getting out the lab coat again so you can find out? BRING IN THE LAB COAT!”

“I just might!” I defended. “Think about it! These dogs are very large for those little legs!”

We laughed and I continued:

“I couldn’t very well say ‘Release the Hounds’ with regular Bassett Hounds. They’d only mosey over and waddle to their prey.” (you can tweet that)

Release the Hounds

But hmm… longer legs…

I can’t wait to get my lab coat on and conduct the experiment.

If only I had a lab…or a coat.

TRUST ME: NO ANIMALS WERE, OR WILL EVER BE HARMED BY MS. CHEEVIOUS.

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Photo credit: megawump1 / Foter / Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.0 Generic (CC BY-NC-ND 2.0)

Future you is so mean

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FUTURE YOU IS SO MEAN

 

#DailyMischief

 

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Have you ever heard a guy cry out in pure exasperation “Chicks!”?

They do that – especially when we girls aren’t around. It’s because we females stupefy, dumbfound, confound, and baffle men (you can tweet that).

The only reason I know this is because M.C. Nugget and I say it ourselves about other chicks all the time. You can’t blame us (or – er – them – or – er – men).  Women come up with some of the quirkiest, zaniest things, most of the time for no good reason at all.

Nuggie doesn’t ever say it about me, though. The guy’s got it pretty good. He’s had hardly any chicky situations to deal with from me. I’ve probably got more testosterone than the average woman, which sort of makes me not quite understand “chicky” behavior either. Nuggie and I see eye to eye on this issue. This is where we are compadres.

But today was different.

It was as if the Big Guy upstairs needed a laugh and the heavens opened up so He could thwack me on the head with His magic wand (full of female juju). (That or it could have a little to do with another thing that’s going on in my body chemistry right now… I’ve alluded to this phenomena otherwise known as hormones (or lack thereof) in too many posts to count, but my most recent funny (or slightly scary) rant can be found here).

Nuggie and I were pleasantly going about our day. He was in the living room surrounded by and opening his mail, I was in the kitchen (about four strides away) making my lunch. It was a pleasant ordinary day until Nuggie said what I heard as either a slightly frustrated, or it could have been a somewhat satisfied sigh and “Paid the bills!”

I replied “How was it?” (because aren’t all bills painful? I wanted to be sure he was okay) and the rest went like this:

Nuggie: I don’t know.

Me: Huh?

Nuggie (slightly frustrated): I haven’t finished yet.

Me: What do you mean? What’d you say?

Nuggie (thoroughly confused now) and more loudly: I SAID I’M “PAYING THE BILLS!”

Me: OMG! I just heard “Paid the bills!”  *Laughing*

That’s scary!  If we’re THIS bad now, we’re in trouble! It’s gonna’ be like “EHHH? Sonny boy? What’s that? Pay for some thrills?” 

We both chuckled about that for a minute.

The fact that THIS is where our conversations go during the day while we’re supposed to be working has me a little more than concerned, but it didn’t end there.

As I thought about our future conversation and compared it to what just happened (with Nuggie getting slightly peeved) and I imagined the same thing with a crotchety Nuggie, I got my feelings hurt.

Yes… I, Ms. Cheevious, the one with far more testosterone than the average female who is unable to understand “chicky” nonsense, took our future conversation to the only possible conclusion – that of old geezer Nuggie grumbling and growling at me because CONFOUND IT, YOU SHOULD TURN UP YOUR HEARING AID!

old man grumbling ...

…and I GOT MY FEELINGS HURT.

 

I finally said out loud, “Honey! Future you is SO mean!!!“

 

You heard it here first. I went chicky. Just this once.

 

All together now:

“CHICKS!”

 

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Photo Credit:

Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike License  | Dietmar Temps / Flickr

 

Diaper changing could be the end of us all

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DIAPER CHANGING COULD BE THE END OF US ALL

 

#DailyMischief

 

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Last week sometime M.C. Nugget and I were out with a friend who was visiting from out of town, having a drink.

We talked about our upcoming plans —  to visit my niece and her three kids for the two-year old’s Princess birthday party.

Our friend (a female) and I laughed out loud at the notion of Nuggie surrounded by screaming, squealing kids. He doesn’t really DO kids. He doesn’t do two-year old princess birthday parties, either. He never has, and until this past weekend he never planned to.

Somehow, probably after a glass or two of wine, the conversation meandered around the subject of what Nuggie would do if left on his own with said kids. Then our fantastic friend asked the question that started the zany spiral: YOU’VE BEEN PUKED ON BY A KID BEFORE, HAVEN’T YOU?

That would be a NO.

What? You’ve never been spit up on, even when holding your niece when she was a baby?

NO.

Nuggie informed us that although he has a niece who is the golden and beloved grandchild in the MCNUGGET family tree, he’d never in all of his life even changed a diaper.

Wait what? NEVER?

We couldn’t believe it, but Nuggie insisted it was not all that unusual. He was sure most of his adult friends had never done the deed either.

So I decided to check.

Below is a series of texts. First from me, to Nuggie’s best friend, Bogey. Let me set the stage for you: Nuggie and his buddy are both at least 50. Did I just say that out loud? Yes. But we’re all friends here, and 50 is the new 30. Did I also mention they are both actors? You’ll understand when you read it.

FROM ME TO OUR FRIEND BOGEY:

 Texting about Men and diaper changing (1)

 

AND NOW THE CONVERSATION

BETWEEN NUGGIE & BOGEY

ALL OF THE BELOW ARE TAKEN FROM NUGGIE’S CELL:

Texting about Men and diaper changing (2)

Texting about Men and diaper changing (3)

 

Texting about Men and diaper changing (4)

 

Diaper changing could be the end of us all. But I can feel it in the air ladies and gentlemen. A “change” is definitely coming.

 

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photo credit:
sunsurfr / Foter / Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic (CC BY-NC-SA 2.0)

It’s gonna get a whole lot tighter

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IT’S GONNA GET A WHOLE LOT TIGHTER

 

#ContestWInners

 

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We’re talking SKIN (and the importance of taking care of it) all this month in honor of #SkinCancerAwareness month; and for one very lucky person, it’s gonna get a WHOLE LOT tighter. Her skin, that is.

Congratulations to SUZANNE (you know who you are) who won the free e-consultation with Merlin Rubin at Lift MD Aesthetics along with skin care products designed for her skin and with her goals in mind!

Here’s how the rundown came out with all the entrants. As you can see, the odds were pretty good, especially considering not too many  entered both here and on youtube (earning them two entries). I’m glad our winner Suzanne went the extra mile!

 

Skin Care Products Contest Winners 5/15/14

A whopping thanks to all of you who entered. It was a great contest! Hopefully you’re more aware of the harm our skin can suffer from the sun’s ultraviolet rays! If you want to get more crucial tips for preventing or learn how to #SPOTSkinCancer read the posts I wrote on LiveStrong.com here and on my somewhat normal blog here.

And to you, the winner, Suzanne? Your skin’s gonna love you. Not only that, it’s gonna get a whole lot tighter.

 

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