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A Woman’s Needs

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Hellooooo all my fabulous friends out there in Ms. Cheevious-land! 

A good friend sent the following list of women’s needs to me, and I agree with just about every single thing on this list – well, poem.  It’s written by Maya Angelou, an accomplished writer, a woman with a doctorate degree (cool), who’s traveled and lived all over the world. She is quite an amazing single mom (at least at one time in her life she was).  So – I’ve included her little admonishment to women here, and in RED is my commentary.  Is that sacrilegious? Tough.  You need to hear what I have to say. HA!

If you are new here – well, FINALLY!  You’ve come to your senses!  ha ha.  JUST KIDDING! (kinda)

We have fun here, and this weekly (or sometimes bi-weekly, or whenever my travels and computer problems allow for it) blog is an extension of my book Ms. Cheevious in Hollywood – Confessions of a Hot Mamma, (need I say “AWARD WINNING”?) which is unpublished at this point – but I’m working on it.  You can read about it here. But welcome to the Ms. Cheevious blog, and a whole new world!  Enjoy!

So on to the poem, and my wise – ehem – wise-ass commentary:

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE … 
enough money within her control to move out 
and rent a place of her own, 
even if she never wants to or needs to… 

HELLOOOO… these days she better have enough in her coffers to BUY a place of her own for cash, and then be able to RENT it back to the bastard – um, guy – that was holding her back!  HA! (Not YOU, honey!!)

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..

something perfect to wear if the employer, 
or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour… 

For the boss – how about a giant COFFEE MUG or just come dressed as a pen for taking notes on all of his wise words.  If he is at all lecherous, just see the notes below for dates, because let’s face it – that’s what he really wants.  
For dates – will a bustier or a tu-tu do?  Come on!  Since when do we know when someone is REALLY the date of our dreams?  Aren’t they ALL?  And in that case, wouldn’t we need like seven different outfits?  One for every night? 

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .. 
a youth she’s content to leave behind…. 

Hmmm.  I’ve had a pretty good youth – but that’s all relative.  I’m still young aren’t I?  If you are twenty, repeat after me: “yes ma’am”.  But at this very young age of mine, I don’t know whether to agree, or completely rise up in protest, take off all my clothes and run down the beach nekked.  Heck, you only live once, right? HA

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE … 
a past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to 
retelling it in her old age…. 

‘Nuff said. (smile)

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….. 
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra… … a “Rabbit” (heh heh), and what’s this about LACE?  I hate it.  Itchy.  Nope.  Not doin’ it.  Hot lingerie? Yes.  But a good set of wine or martini glasses (or both), and always something healthy to eat (like carrots or cucumbers) in the fridge – now THAT’S practical.
 
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …. 
one friend who always makes her laugh… and one who lets her cry… 

Check! 

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …. 
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family… 

how about a 50 inch flat screen plasma tv? 
 
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE … 
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, 
and a recipe for a meal, 
that will make her guests feel honored… 

Wait – covered that above… and I just memorize all my good recipes …  yummmmmm… So I guess a woman should have a good memory for good recipes? So what we’re sayin’ here is women need to be super human.  Right?
 
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE … 
a feeling of control over her destiny… 

Well – DUHHHH

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW… 
how to fall in love without losing herself.. 

AMEN SISTER
 
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW… 
how to quit a job, 
break up with a lover, 
and confront a friend without; 
ruining the friendship… 

Ooh. Tough call. Sometimes you want to ruin the friendship…. NOT.   What kind of craziness is this???  OF COURSE ya need to know how to do those things – but let’s be REAL.  Who really DOES know how?  That’s why you read my BLOG people!  🙂

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
when to try harder… and WHEN TO WALK AWAY… 

got that one DOWN.  Don’t we all, you hot lovely women out there?

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
that she can’t change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents.. 

Ohhhh, but I can try can’t I? My mom needs to wise up and just ADMIT I am her favorite!  HA!

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
that her childhood may not have been perfect…but it’s over… 
whaaahhh?? over?  What are you tryin’ to tell me here?

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
what she would and wouldn’t do for love or more…

now that’s interesting.  I’m pretty much a “do anything” kinda gal… ha ha

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to live alone… even if she doesn’t like it…

i like it, i like it!  but i may not want it forever… may need someone to pick me up off the floor if i ever fall and hurt my hip!

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. .
whom she can trust,
whom she can’t,
and why she shouldn’t take it personally… 

… NEWS FLASH – it IS personal!  Someone breaks trust, it is a complete afront to ME – personally.  That’s how I learn NOT to trust them again! MMM-KAY?

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
where to go…
be it to her best friend’s kitchen table… 
or a charming inn in the woods…
when her soul needs soothing… 

… can you say DAY SPA?  Cucumber facial, mud bath, and a glass of champagne… ahhhhh.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
what she can and can’t accomplish in a day…
a month…and a year…

NOTHING my pretties.  I can do it ALL.

Well – that’s it for ya!  I am off to a weekend in Palm Springs with my man, M.C. Nugget.  Ain’t life grand, people?  Have a wonderfully exotic and excruciatingly fabulous weekend boys and girls!

Tune in next week, when I tell you exactly Why Denis Leary Sucks!

Love you people!  Mmmmmmmppppphhhhuuuhhhhhh!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

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Blog content copyright 2009, LISA JEY DAVIS a.k.a. Ms. Cheevious 

Goose Hunting on the Farm

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Well okay – it was Beverly Farms, MA to be exact, and we  weren’t really “hunting” for any sort of “Goose” animal, per se (by “we” I mean M.C. Nugget’s family friend Kitty and I).  I’ll explain in a sec.

But first – if you are new here – WELCOME ABOARD the Ms. Cheevious Express – heh heh. Once you board, you will never get off (no pun intended)! 

This blog serves up a weekly yummy Hollywood dish:  the inside scoop on what real – life hollywood actors, producers, entertainment sorts and the people they hang with do on a daily basis.  I just happen to find myself involved (sometimes accidentally) much of the time.  Are you old enough to remember the Lucy Show, or young enough to have seen it on Nick at Night? Well, think the Lucy Show for 2009, and add a few RockStar beverages in there, and you get the idea.

Plus, my relationship with my boyfriend, M.C. Nugget (an actor who many of you have seen – you just don’t know it, because hey, someone’s identity has to be protected on this zany blog) has only helped to fuel my already juicy life!  But I do protect the identity of the people in my life and in this blog. 

HOWEVER, if you are famous and carrying on in public, and if I see you, or happen to have some interaction, then guess what?  You don’t get an alias or protected identity here.  Your real name will be used, because hey – otherwise, why would people read this blasted thing?  Now, on to the story. 

As you know, from the story of my trip back east in “Manhattan Transfer,” I accompanied my man Nuggie back to NYC and then to his home town of Manchester, Massachusetts to spend the Fourth of  July with his family.  We did, and as you know, it was a blast.

What you don’t know is that on the Fourth, Nuggie’s mom, Spicy Nugget (I call her Sporty Spice though, for her total dedication to staying athletic and in shape, even in her 70’s) had a little party for her brood, and for their best-friend family, the Catson’s.  She made lasagna, and there was so much food, we all ate and just rolled around the patio, then rolled back inside for cocktails, or cake or whatever else our heart desired, then rolled back outside for family pictures and good times.  Fun fun. 

Then it was time to trek over to Beverly Farms to watch fireworks on West Beach. 

When we got there, however, Kitty Catson (Kit Cat, of course) and I realized we were thirsty, and we hadn’t thought (like all the other revelers there) to bring a cooler of refreshments. 

Now, if you know me, and if you have read my blog long enough, you can guess what happened.  I saw this as an opportunity to meet new people and – BONUS – get a glass of wine or something in the process. That’s how it works in LA LA land, anyway – at least in my little, tiny world. There were TONS of people having their little parties on their little balconies that lined up the little street along the beach.  I thought at least ONE of them had to have some extra wine or something, right? At the very minimum, they would offer me a Diet Coke or something, certainly!

Everyone – I repeat – EVERY ONE of the Nuggets and Catsons doubted my ability to make friends and get any sort of libations or even regular beverages out of them.  I decided they might be onto something, being natives of the east coast and all.  So I asked Nuggie for cash.  I figured money talks, and I could offer to buy a glass of wine, if necessary. Then I set out on my little adventure.

I have to tell you people – believe it or not, I got discouraged at first!  Yep.  I visited THREE HOUSES.  I received wicked, holier-than-thou or at the very least “I’m from Radcliffe and graduated from Harvard, dahhhling.  And who are you?” looks, from the plump, frumpy women leaning over the balconies, sloshing their over-filled wine glasses in my face.  I could see that their men were bored out of their minds and wanted to say “YES, YES, somebody please give this girl some WINE!”  if only to have a good story to tell, but they dared not.  So, I went back to my group with my tail between my legs. 

It was then that Kitty Cat and I became friends for life.  She said, “Follow me.  We’ll find us something to drink.”  And so I did. 

We too went to a couple of different houses, and received some strange looks from people.  She was walking up to them and saying, “Hey there!  Can we buy a glass of wine from you?” When I had this BRILLIANT idea!  I decided we needed to be damsels in distress! So I said, “Hey, don’t offer to buy so quick.  Let me handle this!” 

So, we walked up to our (now) good friend Max’s house and looked up at this little group of stylish women talking to him.  “Pardon me,” I said demurely, “I wonder if you could help us.  We completely forgot to bring our cooler with us, and we would be so grateful if we might be able to get a glass of water or something else to drink from you folks?”  Immediately, Max said, “I’ll be right down.” 

He greeted us at the front door of his lovely home and walked us straight into the kitchen and his bar.  “So, what made the two of you come over here?” he asked, and I proceeded to tell him the story. 

We all laughed, and I asked, “Well, what made you say yes?” and he said, “I just had to give a drink to someone so gutsy as to ask for it!” And that was it!

Kit Cat and I walked triumphantly back to our group with two giant red cups filled with Grey Goose Vodka and Soda — enough to share with everyone. 

Now THAT put a little spark into our fourth, for sure! 

I am off this evening to the Hollywood Bowl with Nuggie who was invited by Venice Magazine!  Then, tomorrow is our ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY of meeting each other!  Can you believe it!  Craziness, eh?

Have a fabulous weekend everyone!  And don’t try to hunt the Goose.  It will find YOU!

Love you people!  Mmmmmmmphhhhhuuuuhhhhh!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

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Blog content copyright 2009, LISA JEY DAVIS a.k.a. Ms. Cheevious 

The Day Player – Tripping the Light Fantastic

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Okay – so M.C. Nugget and I  (just between you and me, he wishes he were still FWC)  were JUST talking about the prospect of producing Ms. Cheevious as a scripted television show.  You’ve all seen the silly one or two minute clips we’ve thrown together with our pocket digital camera, right?  This wouldn’t be like that.  We dream big over here at Yummy Chicken Productions.

If you are new here, welcome!  We have a TON of fun in here, dishing on the latest blunders, fantastic achievements, celebrity events, and zany-in-general things I find myself involved in.  There is all manner of name dropping, sexual innuendo, or what-have-you, and it’s a place where people come to let their hair down, and live vicariously – through – ehem – ME.

So, back to the idea of a SHOW about  – well – ehem – ME:  Of course the potential for internet was always a part of the mix, and an obvious option, but neither one of us were aware of any one online show or series that particularly excited us.  Plus, M.C. is use to doing things the traditional way.  You know, putting together a pitch, kissing ass and hoping someone sees the beauty, coolness, edginess, raciness and/or incredible potential in your little project — which apparently doesn’t always work — BASTARDS.

It was then (last Sunday) that our trusty bartender-(from the World Cafe in Santa Monica)-turned friend Miranda Allgood told us all about what she and her partner, Helenna Santos have been working on (I always use aliases to protect the identity of my peeps in Ms. Cheevious-land, but their names are real here, people. They want you to know about their fantastic project – and so do I).

Nuggie and I were just a tad skeptical about the whole thing when Miranda invited us to the launch party for the premiere of their baby, The Day Player.

TDP promo pic

Promotional photo for The Day Player

I’m not sure what we expected, but it was probably somewhere along the lines of the quality of the M.C. Nugget reveal video – (damn teamsters)!  Instead, we were pleasantly surprised, inspired and thrilled, to say the least! 

I could spend numerous key strokes telling you about the little webisode, but I’d rather just send you there.  GO.  It will be worth every minute (and there are only four of them).  Nuggie always says, “The more you rave about something, the less people like it.” So just GO — it’s F-O-U-R  freakin’ minutes! Here’s the link: The Day Player (www.thedayplayer.com).  Plus, if you want to help this endeavor, which I HIGHLY SUGGEST, and you want the potential of being a type of “producer” of the upcoming web series, go here (or follow the link www.indiegogo.com/thedayplayer).  I did, and you’ll want to once you see it.

Tune in next week for more funny tales with tons of chicks, drinks, fire trucks & hot guys doing — for goddsakes people, it’s Ms. Cheevious!  Just tune in, would ya!?

And, whatever your plans, have a fabulously fantastic weekend my lovely men and women (after you watch The Day Player, that is)! 

Love you people!  Mmmmmmmmphhhhhuuuuhhhhhh!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

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Blog content copyright 2009, LISA JEY DAVIS a.k.a. Ms. Cheevious 

The Big Reveal

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Here it is folks!

You are FINALLY being treated to the real and true identity of my boyfriend!

Watch and learn!

If you can’t view the screen above, go here:
The Big Reveal

Tune in next week when I actually dish on my Boss (Springsteen) experience! 

Love you people! Mmmmmphhhuhhhh!

xoxo,
Ms. Cheevious

[digg=http://digg.com/celebrity/The_Big_Reveal_2]

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Enchanted Ms. Cheevious

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My peeps and I stopped by some cool places on Saturday night in Albuquerque, New Mexico (of all places). 

They call New Mexico the “Land of Enchantment.”  I have never been so sure what they meant by that –  and who are “they” anyway?  I grew up in New Mexico, and I never felt that enchanted.  From as early as I could articulate it, I insisted on living elsewhere.  I’m not trying to come down on the place, I swear.  I know, there are many merits to living in the high desert, I’m sure.  The skies are blue, the air is clean, the mountains and plains are breathtakingly beautiful at times, yada yada. 

I guess it just never grew on me.  At the age of ten, I begged my mom to let me move to Pontiac, Illinois to live with my grandmother.  For some reason I saw more chance of excitement in Small Town USA  then I hoped for in The Land of Entrapment (a name created by those of us who lived there our entire lives).  But my mom (of course) would have none of it. You were trapped there because you either wanted to be there, or because, well, for some reason you just couldn’t seem to get outta Dodge.

So, this past weekend, Fred the Wonder Chicken and I ventured out to the desert to pay a much needed visit to my beautiful mother, Nereide Frances Padalino (her real name).  She had a stroke last year, and is still in rehab, recovering.  I was a little sketchy on traveling back to town on my own, because, well – for one thing, the last few times I’ve gone, the accommodations were not all that comfortable (I couldn’t stay at my mom’s house, because other siblings had moved in to help out, and the places I ended up staying were either unfamiliarly uncomfortable or I froze to death – thanks Wackie – ha ha!). And for two, frankly, I’ve lost touch with most of the friends I knew growing up, or they moved away long ago, so there was rarely much to do on visits with my mom out of the social picture. The remaining sisters and brothers in town were all leading their own busy lives, and it just always seemed to be an exhausting prospect to have one – more – sibling come to visit, than it was an occasion to get out and do things.

This time was different.  FWC and I stayed with my girl Prissy and her dog Skimpy.  If you are new to my blogs, welcome!  I am so glad to have you!  But you should know that everyone here, aside from me, has an alias, even “Prissy’s” dog!  I’m all about protecting the identities of those I write about! 

Prissy and Skimpy live in a beautiful loft-style condo overlooking the sprawling beauty of Albuquerque.  It is most beautiful at night, when the view of the city lights is unparalelled. 

We arrived to town, and here is what we did and where we went:

Wii Bowling. On Friday night, after dining someplace nice, FWC and I unloaded our bags at Prissy’s only to find she had just bought and installed the Wii in her living room, with her big screen plasma tv.  BONUS!  We played Wii Bowling and drank wine and tequila (FWC and Prissy drank the tequila – I couldn’t stand the stuff) until 3 o’clock in the morning.   

Zinc Cellar Bar.  On Saturday, FWC and I tooled around after visiting my mom.  We bought ourselves some tasty cigars (mine was White Chocolate Truffle Irish Cream flavored!  ha ha!), and then got ready for our big Saturday night.  We started at Zinc Cellar Bar.  This place was cool!  The upstairs housed its fine-dining restaurant, while the basement – the Cellar Bar – was a venue for some of the southwest’s greatest eclectic bluesy musicians.  It was also the setting for FWC’s first introduction to my crazy, zany family.  What a fun evening that was.  We drank wine, shared appetizers and listened for a moment to the blues band they brought in for the night.  Of course, FWC was a hit with everyone.  They all wanted to touch his feathers (HA). When everyone else left, FWC, Prissy, my brother Odee (named after the cool purse company he has – Odechala – where they make purses out of very cool cigar boxes) and his adult son (my nephew) determined we were not quite done for the evening.  So we moved on to the next happenin’ spot. 

Below are some of the family, with FWC sandwiched in.  Prissy is at the forefront, then my little nephew, me, FWC, and my brother Odee.

Ms. Cheevious, Family & FWC

Here is a nice shot of the Cellar Bar:

zinccellarbar

Imbibe.  We didn’t want our evening to end so early, and we certainly didn’t want our brand new cigars to go to waste, so we walked next door to the popular cigar bar, Imbibe.  It had a really cool atmosphere, and big screen tv’s so we could watch the final four games that were on that night.  We sat at the bar, sipped cognac and B&B, smoked our yummy cigars, and hob-nobbed with the rest of Albuuquerque’s elite. 

 The outside of Imbibe, shown below – shows what is very common architecture in this part of town called Nob Hill.  It is a traditional Southwest adobe, with some neon accents:

imbibebar2

Here is one side of the bar at Imbibe (there are two rooms).  I never realized how the inside of the building is kinda cigar shaped!

imbibebar

I have to say, it was FUN, and dare I say it?  I left Albuquerque feeling just a little enchanted.  Yup.  Me. 

Just goes to show, perceptions and feelings – no matter how strong – are not always accurate, nor are they permanent. 

Stay tuned next week kiddies, when I bring you some news from the glitzy side of life in Hollywood.  I’ll be dishing on my backstage frolicking at my first ever Bruce Springsteen concert.  The Boss can’t have any idea what’s in store!  Hee hee!

Have a sunny and spring-ish weekend everyone! 

Love you people!  Mmmmmmmphhhuuuhhhhh!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

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Beach Bar Bouncing

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This week I’m gonna’ give you a little somethin’ somethin’ to help launch you – full board – into Spring.

Fred the Wonder Chicken had a friend in town from Pennsylvania last week.  That guy is one big FUN event after another waiting to happen!  He was like the Ever Ready Bunny (or is it Energizer Bunny?) of good times! 

Now, I’m only telling you this, because I know some of you think I am a goodie two-shoes.  Well, I’m not.  Okay? Let me set the record straight. 

I am cool.  I am a bad ass, dancing fool.  I love to get out, flutter around the bar or restaurant, say hello to everyone, and if necessary, cause trouble.

So, guess what?  FWC, his Pennsylvania trouble making friend and I got kicked out of a bar on Saturday night.  Yup! Me, Ms. Cheevious – the Goodie Two-Shoes of Los Angeles got BOUNCED from a BEACH BAR! 

Okay, so to hear them tell it, I gotta’ say (because it sounds better), that our departure from the premises was a mutual decision between the management and our party.

But here’s the low down: 

We all know how I like to get my groove on, right?  Well, I was the one who begged to go to this particular dance club on Main Street in Santa Monica.  It just looked cool.  From the outside it looked like I could groove all night long, and love every minute of it.  But looks can obviously be deceiving. 

As the evening progressed, and I was dancing, minding my own business, having a nice little time – the music began to get progressively more difficult to dance to. It became sort of that whole “techno” music vibe. I hate techno.  I hate dancing to it. You can’t sing to it.  What is the point?  I think techno was invented to drive people crazy, and make them want to kill themselves.

So after a few songs that all sounded exactly the same, with that same stupid, annoying beat, and after I’d had a few cocktails, I approached the DJ to ask if I could request a song.  

That was the first mistake. 

He was NOT happy I was asking.  As a matter of fact, he was just plain mean about it.  To my surprise, however, he managed to growl in his cockney, British accent, “What you want to hear?” 

So – have I told you that I am blond?  Of course I have – to those of you veterans, reading this.  But to you new folks – have I told you that I’m blond?  🙂

I could be convinced to REALLY think it is something in the dye.  I’m sure there is some way for it to seep into the brain – and right at the moment when you are trying to pull up something really clever, it steals your thoughts from you.  Gone. 

Particularly on days when you’ve just had your hair done.  Saturday was one such day for me.

So, I stuttered and stammered a bit, before blurting out, “Brittany?” only to feel the urge to dodge a spit wad from the guy.  He was that kinda guy.   “NO!  I’m NOT PLAYING ANY BRITTANY!” 

Ya’d think the guy would at least have a smile on his face as he rejected me, especially since he was jabbing a sharp, steal blade into my soul with his evil eyes.  But no.  This guy was ANGRY. 

So, of course I thought I just had to do better.  So, what did I suggest?  “Madonna?” 

That was the second mistake.

Can you  BLAME ME?  I am BLOND, I had some drinks, and in trying to be COOL for the COOL BRITISH BLAH BLAH DJ, I was just pulling up anyone out there that I knew had a new album out! 

“I’M NOT PLAYING MADONNA!  NO! GET OUT OF HERE.  GO AWAAYYY.” 

So, have you ever seen a baby deer – a doe, freeze in front of a car?   You know how they get those big saucer eyes? 

Well, that was me, after being punished by the DJ.  Only my eyes welled up with tears to boot.  HA HA!  What a wimp! 

I moped back over to our little corner, and immediately Fred the Wonder Chicken knew something was wrong.  I told him what had happened, and before I could say anything he jumped up to go tell that guy how to talk to a lady.  My hero! Awe!  Ummmy, yummmmy!!!

I suppose push came to shove, (not literally), but FWC – after calling the guy a “DICK” or something of the sort – asked to speak to the manager.  Guess what?  The DJ just so happened to be the manager.

So, as we were leaving, with a couple of nicely dressed bouncers kindly walking alongside us, we made sure to say how sorry we were that they had to work for that DJ – and as FWC put it, “Such a DICK.”  One of the bouncers said to me, “Tell me about it.” 

So, I got bounced from a bar – but have a great story to tell because of it!

I hope you all get out there this Spring, get your grooves on, and get bounced from a beach bar as well!  Ha ha – Jussssst kidddddding!

Have a great weekend everyone!

Love you people!  Mmmmmmmpphhuuuhhhhh!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

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