Ms. Cheevious in Hollywood

My Zany Years Spent Working in Tinsel Town

Daily Mischief

It was like Lickity Split

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IT WAS LIKE LICKITY SPLIT

 

#DailyMischief

#HealthyAttitude

#Health

 

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The other night I had just finished teaching two very intense SP Pilates classes at Sweat Pilates in Culver City, when I decided to stop by the Trader Joe’s. The last thing I wanted to do was shop for groceries at 9:00 PM at night, but I sucked it up and drove over.

I think grocery stores and markets around the country should make it a policy for their staff to stand at the front door and hand out merit badges (read: at least 30% off purchases that night) to anyone who buys more than four items at 9PM on a Monday night. Especially in Culver City (sketch-ville in spots). I should get the discount just for the effort. It’s never easy to drag my ass over to any store at that time, let alone one in Culver City to do the full blown SHOP thing.

I was pretty high on teaching adrenaline after my classes, so when I got to the entrance and a guy who looked like an older, African American version of Ron Woodruf from Dallas Buyers Club (with a little Morgan Freeman mix) asked me if I could buy him some food, I decided to engage with him. It’s not like I often ignore homeless people… no. I feel their pain… and realize that “but for the grace of God, there go I.” But I do admit to saying “Sorry, I can’t right now,” more often than not lately.

I stopped and said, “I can give you the cash I have on me, if that works? Two bucks?”

And the guy said, “Oh thank you so much miss. Do you mind if I hug you?”

Do you mind if I hug you?

In that millisecond, I thought about it. Yep. He looked like he had Aids – he was skinny and haggard as a rail, and had one of those 60’s style afros that reached about 6 inches from his head, was laced with silver/gray hair and was just as straggly as the rest of him.

But then I thought This may be the only time this day, week, month… YEAR this guy ever gets shown any remote affection or anything.

So I said yes.

The guy hugged me warmly.

Then he reached his head around my neck and sort of kissed the back of my neck – but it felt very wet.

He had either LICKED or tried to FRENCH KISS my neck.

I know.

EWWWWW!!! (that’s what the little girl in my post image is saying)…

I quickly said, “Have a great night…” and walked off. I half-floated away as if lived in a cartoon and had just been hit really hard on the head by one of those cartoon sledge hammers.

I still had tweetie birds circling my head when the little voices began to rattle my brain.

Did he just lick me?

What were you thinking?

What if the guy has some disease you can get through the skin?

What if he has Aids?

Can you get Aids like that?

No you can’t, dumbass.

That was really f-ing stupid Lisa! 

These tweetie bird thoughts circled my brain as I shopped, and when I hit the register, I grabbed the hand sanitizer and lathered it all over my friggin neck, hands and more.

Then I felt really stupid.

Why was I so freaked out? Because the guy LICKED me. He took LIBERTIES with me! (My Dallas grandmother would faint and probably did roll over in her grave – God rest her soul). But it was just odd. Right?

Poor guy. He probably hadn’t had any human contact like that from someone non-homeless in a long time… or hell… maybe he gets a lick every day and it’s the ONE thing he loves to brag about to his other street friends “Hey guys! I got number 357 tonight! You should’ve seen the look on her face! And I got two bucks too! Woohoo!!”

But ya know… If the guy is homeless and begging for food, and that is what makes his day just a little brighter, then GOOD FOR HIM, and I’m glad I did it.

I looked for the guy as I exited and there was no sign of him.

OF COURSE.

He licked and ran!!!

So you know…

It was like …. LICKITY SPLIT.

…

…

I’m here all week.

Now go out there and reach out to someone in need with your human-ness this week, would you?

Knit

Photo credits: Kerem Tapani / Foter.com / CC BY-ND & marktrash / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND

 

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#HealthyAttitude

#Health

You can use some of this stuff

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YOU CAN USE SOME OF THIS STUFF

 

#DailyMischief

 

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Loving_And_Lasting_Ande_Lyons

A couple of weeks ago I was interviewed by the gorgeous love Ande Lyons on her Loving and Lasting show. She wanted me to give people some tips to get off their tuckuses and get into shape.  Ande’s schtick is to increase intimacy (or create it) and keep things interesting among couples. And it’s easier to keep things interesting when we’re in good shape and look/feel AWESOME? Right? That’s what I told Ande, when I begged – I mean agreed – to be on her show.

So we talked and talked (and laughed), and I shared some REALLY cool tips. Like, did you know that the calcium found in FOOD burns fat in the trunk region? That’s your belly, people.  YOUR BELLY!  Can I get a woot woot!!!?

Yep…and researchers discovered that the highest percentage of fat burning happens when the food consumed is a dairy product. So…apparently that ice-cream may not be so bad for you after all. Though, you can get high calcium in other foods like spinach, ochre, almonds and other great stuff. Google it.

The Elusive Strawberry Banana

After we went quickly through my tips for kicking your own ass and getting yourself into shape this year, I went over some foods that are known to reduce foggy brain and even prevent dementia as we age. So here is that video, (and if you can’t see the video box below from your browser, click the little thumbnail above or just go here: http://youtu.be/bCa99wCNaD4.

 

Trust me, you can use some of this stuff — and you should.

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Banana Photo Credit: Pink Sherbet Photography / Foter.com / CC BY

This is when I need a belly lashing

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THIS IS WHEN I NEED A BELLY LASHING

 

#DailyMischief

 

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This morning I was minding my own business, telling clients to kill themselves during my Lagree Fitness-Style Pilates class…

Mind over matter, people! If you want to see change, you have to tell your body to keep going. You’ve got this! Keep breathing in, keep breathing out! Engage your core as you press that leg back! …

yada yada yada, etc, etc, etc…

And I say those things because – pfff! That drill sergeant shit always makes me work harder. Plus, I kinda like ordering people around, especially when I know they’ll thank me later. And I always know. It was a great moment to say the least… SMH (that means “shaking my head” in ridiculous text-ease), but I digress.

While I taught, I took off my top layer long-sleeved shirt, because MY GOD it’s 80 degrees here and I was sweating through my shirt without even working out (NO it wasn’t a hot flash. Don’t go there). Can you believe it though? I realize the rest of the country is in a deep freeze and I am damn lucky to have warm temps, but this was crazy. And no matter what the weather looks like outside, no one wants sweat marks on their clothes. So it was me, my workout bra top and my yoga pants traipsing around the studio barking out the next move.

By the way — did I tell you that I’ve always been pretty proud of my abs? Not just because I work hard, but even before I ever had kids… hell, even AFTER I had kids, my abs were always in pretty great shape. That’s because from a young age I always did tons of ab exercises.

I taught in my bra top for TWO straight hours before this… THIS happened:

After I sculpted the asses and abs of the Beverly Hills elite… after the studio was dark and I was packing up my things to leave, I glanced at myself in the mirror (the place is floor to ceiling mirrors, for goddsakes)… after all of that… what did I see?

Something I’ve never in my life seen on my body. A trace of CELLULITE on my ABS!

Pull out the laser printer, run this blog post through that printer and post this on the wall with big red letters on it saying,

ON THIS DAY IN 2014, MS. CHEEVIOUS HAD CELLULITE ON HER ABS

 

Talk about a motivator.

I immediately pointed this trace of cellulite out to M.C. Nugget when I got home. I pulled out the magnifying glass… and can you believe, he swore he didn’t see a thing? What a great guy!

As I sit here, carrot in mouth, thinking about ways to extract the food and wine from the past six weeks from my body FAST, my brain can’t seem to come up with anything other than liposuction. I may need some of those brain foods talked about in my LJD post here….  But any other ideas?

My solution is to reign in the diet and pump up the volume on the workouts. No more Mr. Nice Girl on my booty. I may think I’m cute sometimes, but I don’t care how you size it up – cellulite is never cute. This is WAR. This – of all times – is DEFINITELY when I need a belly lashing… and I’m here to deliver it, post haste.

Watch me and learn people. Watch and learn.

 

March 25, 2013 at 09:04PM
Arya Ziai / Foter.com / CC BY

 

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Register to receive these posts once a week by email and get my eBook “Ahhhhh…Haaaaaa Moments with Ms. Cheevious” for FREE as a result. Registration is on the right side bar of every blog post, or on our Facebook page. See you next time.

Blog content copyright 2014, LISA JEY DAVIS a.k.a. Ms. Cheevious.

 

Cat belly photo credit:

~Jetta Girl~ / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND

 

Resolution idea: spell real words

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RESOLUTION IDEA: SPELL REAL WORDS

 

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That is all I ask, you guys. Is spelling out actual, real words too much to ask of people? My brain is really tired and doesn’t want to do all the freakin’ work any more, unkay? (Sarcasm and non-word use intentional, of course).

In all honesty, I’m sure you lovely people know how to spell beautifully. But the fact the Oxford English Dictionary recently decided that ♥, OMG and LOL were worthy of entries deserving etymology has me extremely distressed (don’t even get me started on their addition of “wassup”).

Really Oxford? How does one parse out the etymology of ♥? I thought you were on our side! You remember… the side that wants our kids to actually learn the meanings of full-length words, how to S-P-E-L-L them, and to actually use them in written communication?

I guess that aspiration went the way of Twitter, because you know what they say — the average shelf life of a tweet is only about 90 seconds.

So, it’s all over. I give up. I’m going the way of the Oxford English Dictionary.

So PLZ get outta my grillz n dont tell me wassup, cuz OMG… u n ur rules are like, whatevs… u know? 

 

omg (365-286)

 

Or maybe not.

 

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Register to receive these posts once a week by email and get my eBook “Ahhhhh…Haaaaaa Moments with Ms. Cheevious” for FREE as a result. Registration is on the right side bar of every blog post, or on our Facebook page. See you next time.

Blog content copyright 2014, LISA JEY DAVIS a.k.a. Ms. Cheevious.

 

 

dictionary photo credit:
jDevaun / Foter.com / CC BY-ND

OMG photo credit:
** RCB ** / Foter.com / CC BY

Here comes Jabba Claus

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HERE COMES JABBA CLAUS

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When M.C. Nugget and I first started dating, one of the key factors in solidifying our destiny as a couple was our mutual affinity for Jabba the Hutt (from Star Wars). We see Jabba as a chubby fatso who can eat anything (and as much as he wants) and not care, because dieting is most definitely not going to make him look good. Nothing can. We totally get it.

We also have a mutual love (or sickness, depending on how you look at it) for impersonating funny or quirky creatures and characters. I do a mean Jabba. I know where I got this weird trait – it runs in my nutty family. We’re all drama queens (and kings) and will put on a show for no good reason at the drop of a hat. I cannot speak for Nuggie. He’s an actor (maybe that is speaking for him).

Although I vowed to eat healthy during the holidays (which I’m doing extremely well at it, I might add), I did not promise to prepare healthy holiday foods for others. I have my limits. Everyone else is on their own. I can only see my healthy ideas and tips defaced and ignored before my eyes so many times, before I give up and begin to daydream of shoving the fudge and cookies into the mouth of the next person to explain why they aren’t making healthy choices… it can be discouraging.

The other side of the coin is that I too love my yummy treats and decadent foods. I am something of a cook savant in that I can eat something fabulous at a restaurant and recreate it with some good success on my own. This doesn’t always make for healthy dining, which is why I am on a healthy eating binge this holiday season. But it was a helluva good (or bad) eating run over the past six months.

But enough about ME! This is the Holidays! It’s Christmas! So in the spirit of Christmas, and in the spiriting of giving —

I went ballistic and baked the following decadent treats for two days straight: White, Milk and Dark Chocolate Fudge with Walnuts, Chocolate Chunk Cookies with both Cadbury Dairy Milk & Dove Milk Chocolate bar chunks (literally — the full squares are my chocolate chips) and walnuts, and Russian Tea Cakes (snowball shaped cookies full of butter, walnuts and powdered sugar).

Yumminess at Christmas

Yumminess Closeup Christmas Yumminess AGAIN

 

Nuggie posted a DailyNugget earlier this week with all of the ingredients I used for this endeavor, to which someone said something like this on Facebook, “Hey Lisa, I seem to recall a post about your eating healthy these Holidays.”

You, my dear commenter are correct. I’m remaining healthy while I Jabba-up the rest of the world.  Look out. Cuz here comes Jabba Claus.

Oh...Oh...Ohhh...

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy whatever you celebrate. Peace out.

No really — Peace, people.

PS) I have reserves, just in case…

Reserve Yumminess

 

While you’re at it, read my new article on the Huffington Post:

“Girls Night: Tips for Responsible and Healthy Holiday Imbibing“

about being responsible while you drink these holidays http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-jey-davis/girls-night-tips-for-resp_b_4470696.html:

Xmas Cocktail: Snowball

 

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Register to receive these posts once a week by email and get my eBook “Ahhhhh…Haaaaaa Moments with Ms. Cheevious” for FREE as a result. Registration is on the right side bar of every blog post, or on our Facebook page. See you next time.

Blog content copyright 2014, LISA JEY DAVIS a.k.a. Ms. Cheevious.

 

 

cocktail photo credit:

Chuckumentary / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-SA

 

 

Back in the day when I ate that…

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BACK IN THE DAY WHEN I ATE THAT…

 

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Did I tell you about how I ate too much of the wrong foods over Thanksgiving and then I did it again while I was on location with M.C. Nugget (while he was in a film)? I’m sorry that I don’t recall telling you guys. I’ve said it so much lately and lord knows I’ve kvetched about it somewhere  on cyberspace. So it’s most definitely OUT THERE. I’m just not sure where it is out there, because my GOD, I blog and write and tweet and post until my fingers move continuously and automatically… as if by rote. I’ve decided it’s pointless to try to keep track. Speaking of which… the fact my fingers seemingly work by rote to get my online work done is the polar opposite of what happened that other time. Remember? When my rote memory short-circuited and I went to the bathroom and almost forgot to pull down my panties? My fingers working like that are a small miracle.

Okay – now I’m tired. What was I saying, by the way?

Oh yes. I ate so much and so badly over Thanksgiving and during my time in Tucson with Nuggie — I feasted for about two months — that I decided my time in Massachusetts visiting Nuggie’s family would be a good time to get a head start on all that New Year’s health and fitness resolution mumbo-jumbo.

Can someone please take a look inside my ears and tell me if there are tiny midget aliens residing in my skull? Because I don’t know what possessed me to do this. THIS during my beloved baking, candies, egg nog, cakes, pies and – well – yumminess season. Don’t I know myself by now? I love vodka. I love chocolate. I love anything with powdered sugar, cheese, nuts… okay anything at all. But THIS:

bûche de noël in a chocolate cage

YUM.

And… enough with the shenanigans-of-an-article. I’m actually doing quite well on my quest for health during the month of death-food, thank you very much.

The other day, I was feeling proud of myself and sarcastically said to Nuggie’s brother, I don’t need any of that bread. Back in the day when I ate that… (you know… way back last week)…  I had enough of it then.

Enough said.

Have a fun holiday. Have a healthy holiday… and don’t drink irresponsibly, so that people think you’re a drunk. Here’s a link to my vlog about THAT: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCd5Z3zLqzk

 

photo credit:
distopiandreamgirl / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND

 

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Register to receive these posts once a week by email and get my eBook “Ahhhhh…Haaaaaa Moments with Ms. Cheevious” for FREE as a result. Registration is on the right side bar of every blog post, or on our Facebook page. See you next time.

Blog content copyright 2014, LISA JEY DAVIS a.k.a. Ms. Cheevious.