Ms. Cheevious in Hollywood

My Zany Years Spent Working in Tinsel Town

Daily Mischief

This may defeat the purpose

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THIS MAY DEFEAT THE PURPOSE

 

#DailyMischief

 

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Did I ever mention to you that M.C. Nugget and I dream of one day owning a bar in Bali?

I should probably clarify that. I proposed the idea to Nuggie, probably while wearing a bikini at the beach some afternoon while sipping cocktails. He stared at me like a deer in the headlights, nodded and smiled, muttering something like “Yeah…Good idea…” He really can’t help it. He’s a man, which means he’s completely and totally driven by his visual senses. But in terms of whether owning a bar would be his dream, well, I took his response as a yes.

Bali represents one of the last reasonably priced vestiges of Beach Paradise to me. I’ve never been, but the rumors must be true and I’m counting on it. If I do ever open a bar, I envision a dirt floor, grass roof, and I’d want to serve the best grilled fish tacos around. Just the thought makes me swoon. Imagine relaxing into your senior years with all the umbrella drinks and fruit smoothies you can get your hands on. I always think of the bar where Michael Douglas and Danny Devito met to talk business in Romancing the Stone or The Jewel of the Nile or something. That makes me swoon too.

I gave up on swooning over career, other sexy single men (since I have Nuggie to swoon over) or anything else a long time ago. I’m thinking ahead to retirement folks, and it is looking PRETTY freaking awesome.

Grass Hut Beach Bar in Bali

 

So, the other day Nuggie were discussing Bali. Because we are an exercise obsessed people (not just him and me), we mused about how to incorporate that obsession into our bar.

While we were joking about it,  this — THIS rolled off his tongue:

The Workout Bar

The words Bar and Workout, used together conjures up visions of trendy little studios that are all over the US, like Cardio Barre.

But do we spell ours Barre and confuse people? No. I think Workout Bar is best. Do you think people will know that our place offers the promise of cocktails after a great workout?

Then again, that may defeat the purpose.

Okay, we’re still working out the details. I’ll keep you posted.

 

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There will be no stopping you

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THERE WILL BE NO STOPPING YOU

 

#Review

#Contest

 

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Hang with me here people, because I have a very special give-away you’ll want to know about, and I didn’t write this article for my health. It’s all for you, my pets.

 

They say the common denominator between successful, wealthy, talented people is their voracious appetite for reading.

 

Interesting isn’t it? I thought for sure polishing the chrome on the Rolls, finding the perfect purse-sized dog, or casting a new reality show would be it, but pay attention here because I don’t say this very often: I’m dead wrong.

Warren Buffet said in a Fox interview that he reads seven major publications including the Wall Street Journal, the Financial Times, the New York Times and USA Today from cover to cover daily! That’s a hefty reading list. Then again, he can afford to have each publication hand delivered and read allowed to him by a tuxedo-clad porter who follows him around.

I always say, “Imitation is not only the highest form of flattery, it’s also a GREAT way to achieve what the other guy did.”

Although we may not be quite as wealthy as Warren and able to get our news spoon fed to us, it’s OKAY, because our computers, tablets and smart phones can help us with the imitation part. 

Allow me to introduce you to a nifty app and website I like to refer to as my wealth-accumulation assistant. It’s called PRESSREADER.

It’s the busy-but-not-yet-ridiculously-wealthy person’s way to stay up-to-date, informed, educated and well-traveled.

 

Because we all know that reading news and other types of publications from around the world is one of the next best things to being there. 

 

Plus it makes your brain work better, and raises you intelligence. The Boob Tube cannot do that for you in the same way.

You can read more national and international news, stories and tidbits than you can handle right from your computer or device with PRESSREADER. 

Why, just today I read the news in USA Today International and the Washington Post! It works just like an old-school microfiche or microfilm at the library (but with your computer mouse or a swipe of your hand on your device). You do remember that microfiche stuff, right? That thing where you could read full length publications by scrolling left to right and zeroing in on a specific article? PressReader is much more sophisticated. Everything is LIVE and is presented just as the real printed publication looks. If it’s in color, you see it that way, right on your computer. 

Pure awesomeness.

USA Today International on Press Reader

The Washington Post on Press Reader

 

I’m working my way up to seven publications a day between my crack habit of looking at puppies on Facebook and video taping myself dancing around the living room with loaves of yummy bread, but hey, I’m off to a good start.

The good folks at PressReader sent me this subscription so I could try it… and I LOVE IT. And guess what?

PressReader is offering a FREE ONE YEAR SUBSCRIPTION to one of you lucky people too.

That’s one big giant WOOT, right?

The cool thing about this service, is I can look at publications from around the world!

Next on my list are publications from Italy (my mother’s native country) so I can brush up on my Italian.

Best Movie - Italian Publication on Press Reader

 

Il Tempo Italian Publication on Press Reader

 

Spain and Mexico will follow. MUST.PRACTICE.SPANISH.

And you know what? Once you’ve worked your way up to seven major publications a day, there will be NO stopping you.

Enter the contest in the Rafflecopter below – or if you’re reading this in your email, click here. If your browser doesn’t show the Rafflecopter below, hit refresh and GET TO IT! Come back daily to increase your chances!

I will email the winner and announce it on the Ms. Cheevious Facebook and Ms. Cheevious Twitter accounts in two weeks! Good luck everyone!

Press Reader

 

 

Press Reader

 

If you can’t see the RAFFLECOPTER giveaway to enter below, click here to enter on my Facebook page

https://www.facebook.com/IamMsCheevious?sk=app_228910107186452

 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

And my official rating for this PressReader service / app / website?

 

Press Reader Rating

 

UPDATE 2.18.14: A new search on my app returned TWO publications in Boston, the Herald & Metro USA (Boston). Woohoo!

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It’s all about the loophole

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IT’S ALL ABOUT THE LOOPHOLE

 

#DailyMischief

 

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I was called in for Jury Duty this week. Correction: I postponed my mandatory jury duty service (from last November) to this week.

My true confession over this is I would be overjoyed to be able to exercise my freedom as an American and serve on a jury. Really and truly. Pinky swear.

And I know I’m not alone in this. You’ve fantasized about kicking some criminal booTAY on a jury ever since you watched your first episode of Law and Order (and for you ancient – ahem – Nick at Nite types, maybe it was Perry Mason). It’s true. Admit it. We both have fantasized, even though we know the system works against itself and is one flawed MOFO. If you happen to be one of the few people who disagrees with me on this, I have just two more words for you:  CASEY ANTHONY.

O.J.

Black Glove.

George Zimmerman.

Lorena Bobbitt.

Apparently I have a lot of words.

And those trial lawyers are crafty sonsabitches. But hey, I may not have killed anyone or anything like that, per se, but I’ve wished some pretty bad things. Things like my neighbor falling in a ditch and never coming back, ‘n stuff. And if that were punishable by death (or at ALL) I’d want one of those people on my side doing some fancy footwork.

Called to the Bench

 

I postponed my original jury duty in November when I was about to leave town to join M.C. Nugget in Arizona on his film set. I wasn’t about to miss that, and the court said I could only postpone this last time. So I did. I picked this week, not knowing what the future held, or that some of our very best friends would choose this FRIDAY, VALENTINE’S DAY to get married (during the day, no less).

OY.

I needed some fancy footwork of my own.

Here’s what I did:

  1. I reported for duty, on time, as directed.
  2. I listened carefully to the verbal instructions of the boss lady in the jury room. (My ear was tuned in for any clues that might help… things like being “EXCUSED” and whatnot. When it came up, my brain zeroed in on everything she said).
  3. I followed her directions implicitly, and after a brief interview with a woman who wanted some fitness tips, I got my official EXCUSED stamp.

Actually, I discovered my footwork didn’t even have to be that fancy. When it comes to dealing with the county clerk’s office, the hall of records, the courts… hell, basically any government office or agency, your footwork can be…eh… mediocre. You’d probably still be okay even if you can’t dance at all. 

There is always a way to delay, distract, discombobulate or defer.

There is always a loophole.

 

In the end I found mine, which I’d love to share with you, but because I don’t want the courts to read this and decide to crack down on people with excuses like mine, I’ll leave it to your imagination and incredible ingenuity. Just trust me. I got out of it and it was all about the loophole.

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photo credit:
myfuture.com / Foter / CC BY-ND

I’m pretty gluten-ous

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I’M PRETTY GLUTEN-OUS

 

#DailyMischief #Health #Diet

 

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I’m sure you already know this, but for the last four weeks, M.C. Nugget and I have been GLUTEN-FREE. The #DailyNugget hilariously reflected Nuggie’s struggle to be totally gluten free (here and here). It was my idea and I am happy to take the blame – er – credit. The reason I wanted to do this was because I’d already been thinking long and hard about the inevitability of my going on the GAPS diet one day in my future (something that will completely restore the flora of my intestines to a naturally healthy state).

Don’t stop reading. It’s really a thing.

So, in an effort to sort of wax GAPS, without all the upheaval to my daily routine (because it’s a whole giant lifestyle change, with real deprivation and insanity), I posited a Gluten-Free Month to Nuggie. I knew if he were game, I could certainly do it, cuz’ PFFFF… I’d be stuck then. I can’t let him outdo me (or anyone I posit something to, for that matter).

Nuggie survived pretty well on the gluten-free train too (though he may argue the contrary). When he realized that BEER is UTTERLY, TOTALLY, AND COMPLETELY GLUTEN IN A GLASS – well, then it was all over. He wanted to take his ball and go home.

February 1st was our first GLUTEN-OUS day after 30-days on the diet. So, on Friday night, January 31st we went to our neighborhood coffee shop and picked up a red velvet cupcake for each of us to wake up to. I know. We’re so friggin’ cute! We made our first day of being GLUTEN-Y a thing.

But hang on, because there is more.

I actually feel lighter. I look lighter. I feel more energetic, and guess what? Being gluten-free was NOT that hard. I rather enjoyed it.

… though, I must admit, I do love my bread. And I mean I LOVE MY BREAD.

So, then I had this dream….

No I'm NOT licking the bread! #GlutenFree

If you cannot see the video box above, you simply MUST click this link and watch this video, because M.C. Nugget’s camera skills and direction are UNMATCHED! http://youtu.be/md7CzNweoGY

Now let’s recap so you all remember this is a #HEALTH post:

After one month of being Gluten Free

1) I feel lighter

2) I look lighter

3) I feel more energetic

4) Being Gluten-Free was NOT that hard.

I highly recommend at least trying it. Then send me your dreamy video, would you?

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I perfected the walkaway after this…

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I PERFECTED THE WALKAWAY AFTER THIS…

 

#DailyMischief

#HealthyAttitudes

 

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A few weeks ago, M.C. Nugget and I (along with his friend Bogey) attended a star-studded wedding party. It was the wedding of the guy who directed a film Nuggie and Bogey wrote back in the day. Now… when I say star-studded, I mean, the couple hired a TON of quasi-famous people to perform or participate in the wedding “after-party.”  We were only invited to the after-party, because the couple opted for this, rather than a huge formal wedding and reception (their actual nuptials were the day before the party, with select friends and family).

Bacall, Bogey’s main squeeze, couldn’t make it, but she put out a challenge to anyone who could spot an ice sculpture first.

I thought that was interesting. It’s not like I think “ice sculpture” when I think wedding. But meh… who am I to think of weddings anyway?

It was extravagant. It felt like we were at the Golden Globes.

Did I mention, we decided we’d rather go to this kind of wedding after-party all day long, then attend the formal wedding of people we don’t really know well?

Suffice it to say – we had F*U*N people. Open Bar, Delicious-Food-A-Plenty… What more could we ask?

How about the friggin BRIDE learn some manners??

To be fair, after my second martini, I decided to go up to the bride (whom I’d met very briefly ONCE) to let her know I approved of her dress. Because, this would be a treat for any bride on her special day, to know that I, Ms. Cheevious, approved. Right?

I walked up to her, tapped her on the shoulder, reminded her of how we met, and said,

I love your dress. It’s GORGEOUS!

Pretty brilliant eh?

Yeah… she was dumbfounded. She said thanks, and  sort of turned her back to me to talk to the other five hundred people clamoring for her attention.

The problem is… well… THERE I WAS, standing there. AWKWARDLY.

So what does one do, when one is turned away from suddenly?

The WALKAWAY people. The F-ing, Tail-between-the-leg-over-perceived-rejection-where-there-is-none WALKAWAY. I’m an expert now. I PERFECTED that mother-fucker. Yes. I said the F word.

But look at the pretty pictures of what this party was like!

It started like any other star-studded event in Hollywood… with a red carpet.

Nuggie, Bogey and I arrive at the Wedding of the Century

 

Then, the FIRST thing we saw upon entry, was this beautiful, elaborate ….

photo 1-1

ICE SCULPTURE (that Bacall is one WISE SAGE)!!!

 

photo 3-3 

These girls below did an AWESOME burlesque number:

photo 2-2

 

This gal’s job? Just stand there and look confused and bewildered:

photo 2-1 

One cannot have a star-studded Hollywood wedding without a little contortion. Just sayin’.

photo 1-2

 

photo 4-1

 

They also had not one, but TWO of the Dancing with the Stars couples performing a few of their numbers. And I know Chelsie Hightower which made it even cooler… I was so glad to see her, I emailed her on the spot to say “You’re here? Woot!”

Chelsie Hightower performed

 

Then – we were treated to a rare performance by Mr. RICK SPRINGFIELD and his one-hit wonder, 8-6-7-5-3-0-99999999!

8-6-7-5-3-0-999999

 

The takeaway? Have a healthy attitude, regardless of what goes on. But also: Know when to hold em… know when to fold em… know when to (do the) WALKAWAY (and of course… know when to run).

 

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Is Mardi Gras a spiritual event?

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IS MARDI GRAS A SPIRITUAL EVENT?

 

#DailyMischief

 

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I’ll never forget my first trip to New Orleans. I was working in my dream job, working behind the scenes on music specials – this time for the Super Bowl and for MTV’s Mardi Gras in February of 2002. The Tragedy of 9-1-1 and the Twin Towers was still raw and horrific on everyone’s mind. Things plugged along, but major events were cancelled and/or rescheduled…people changed their lives completely… our country was mourning. That year the Super Bowl (with the Secret Service as our security team) took place in New Orleans on the Sunday just before Fat Tuesday. Fat Tuesday is the last day of Carnival  and it ends at midnight that night (Mardi Gras). At least I think that’s how it goes. It doesn’t really matter. Mardi Gras is basically the biggest excuse for a crazed-mofo-drunk-party-fest that I’ve ever seen in my life.

My friends and I did our fair share of mofo-drunk-partying in the French Quarter, to be sure. But believe it or not I never ONCE flashed my boobies to any single person just to get those beaded necklaces. PFFF. Puh-leaze. Not like that. I got my share of beads alright, but I’m saving that story for the memoir…

Anyway — I was amazed by the elaborate, sexy costumes and floats, and the exotic festivities during Mardi Gras. I determined then and there I would go back one day. And I’m still waiting. But when I do go, I have it all figured out. What I want to look like, that is. I’ve always loved the costume I wore when Nuggie and I first met and went to Vegas over Halloween with my best girlfriend. We all rocked our pirate costumes (which we got at some place called Mr. Costumes or something). I will probably do something different, of course, but this was and is still a fun one:

Beware the Pirate Queen
Beware the Pirate Queen

 

Speaking of… did you know that it’s a spiritual event? Mardi Gras, that is. Yes… Yep… yep, it is.

Okay… it’s a rash of debauchery leading UP to a spiritual event – one LENT. Lent is a Catholic thing. It’s the season of penance beginning on Ash Wednesday, when all good Catholic people refrain from eating or drinking anything yummy, and from doing anything fun for a lonnnnnnng time. And prior to the start of this most pious of times is Carnival (a celebration) which starts on January 6, the Twelfth Night (feast of the Epiphany), and picks up speed until midnight on Mardi Gras, the day before Ash Wednesday (at least in New Orleans). It’s true. I got all the info from this nifty little New Orleans Mardi Gras website.

I don’t recall learning this in Catholic school, and I’m a sort of angry about it. I would have enjoyed dressing up every day, partying it up until midnight the night before Lent (even if I only was six years old… I could’ve had milk and cookies before bed – like nightly). I was especially upset after having suffered through a good many Lents myself. Every year I dreaded what was coming: the boredom and nodding off during the Stations of the Cross (our school went to this every week), while a Priest who seemed to hate his job fumbled to read the material aloud as slowly as humanly possible. Oh the horror. If I’d known about partying until Ash Wednesday, our entire universe might be different now. You and I could be living in completely different places and know all kinds of famous people… hell…maybe BE famous! And who knows? My lack of celebrating Carnival prior to Lent may be the very reason we do not know world peace today!

I am so…so… so sorry.

In case you plan to go to New Orleans this year (f you do, bring me back an elaborate Mardi Gras mask would you?), I’ve found a schedule of parades and other events here for you. While you’re at it have a King Cake and some Shrimp Étouffée (I can’t handle the crawfish kind) for me.

Oh – and laissez les bons temps rouler! (That’s “let the good times roll” for you New Orleans newbies or non-Frenchies).

See you next time…

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This post was proudly brought to you by Mr. Costumes.

Mardi Gras mask
Caitlinator / Foter.com / CC BY