Single Moms

The Monster in Me

March 13, 2008 by MsCheevious

Let’s just say that right about now, if you’ve been reading this blog, you know me pretty well. You know things about me that shouldn’t be known, one of which is that my cardinal weakness tends to lie in, um, well, food. I was about to say, sweets (and NO, nothing else. Get your minds out of the gutter!) but then I remembered my Pizza diversion last week. And then of course, there was the decadent, delicious dinner on Valentine’s night at my favorite restaurant. Then there was tonight’s menu at Pasta Jay’s, which I won’t even go into. Have I forgotten something?

I don’t believe I am a food addict, however. (Yeah, yeah. The first stage is denial, I know). No really. I just have this fantastic relationship with food, and I am an exceptionally relational person. Plus I love to cook. I’m pretty good at it too. I can pick out the spices that grace a phenomenal dish, and daringly attempt to recreate the dish on my own – even to my own detriment.

So, what? My own personal roller-coaster ride exemplifies the ups and downs, mind games, incredible temptations and roadblocks associated with injecting discipline into an everyday life – especially my life. Anyone desiring real change in their life, need only visit me here regularly to see that it requires real, true commitment and the discipline, diligence and determination to weather the storm amid seeming failure. As my mama use to say, “Anything worth anything requires something.”

Plus, as I near the end of this stinkin’ “get healthy again, fit into my summer suit” weight-loss challenge, it’s inevitable that I encounter and come face to face with one of the countless tempting, alluring, tasty treats or “no-no” foods that call out to me relentlessly.

Of course it’s bound to happen, since I am so close to complete success. Go figure. I’m about 3 pounds shy of my goal, and low and behold this great fiend of a “thing” hunts me down. It is the still, small voice in the quiet calm of the day that I hear as clear as a bell. It’s the hypnotist’s chime that mesmerizes me into a dazed trance and tugs at me until I surrender, bowing at its feet. It’s my ultimate torturer, playing target practice with my senses and disabling my ability to reason, rendering useless all cognitive and self-restraint skills.

Hello, and welcome. If you’ve stumbled in here by chance, be afraid. Be very afraid. You’ve just entered my own personal nightmare. Well, okay. It’s not really a nightmare.

Anyone who’s ever tried to slim down, lean out or trim the fat has dealt with this very same horror:

How do we conquer our own personal food demons?

In my case, it’s not a demon, as I said, but a monster. The problem is, mine is not really your everyday, average-joe kind of monster. This guy is not content to stay in my closet, no. He resides under my bed, in my closet, in my kitchen, in the car on the way to my favorite coffee place, at my desk and anywhere else I may be trying to stay faithful to my renewed sense of health.

No matter what I do, I cannot get out of earshot from him. To compound things, my monster is also a shape-shifter. In the past he took the form of a Cinnamon Sugar bagel at Einstein Brother’s Bagels on Academy Boulevard in Albuquerque, New Mexico (because no other Einsteins made them the same). They were toasted to perfection and smothered in butter, tasting like a hot, buttered cinnamon roll.

Then, before I got too smart, my monster shifted into a Palmier cookie from the Champagne French Bakery Cafe in Los Angeles. The mini version, of course. You’d think it might as well be the large one, but no, this monster is clever. You see, it convinced me that the mini palmier didn’t count. Therefore, I could eat one every single day. I must admit, that flaky, buttery, crispy thing was yummy. I finally got over that one by realizing that all that needless butter “in” would only turn to fat “out,” and I needed to regard my body as a temple. Whole grains, vegetables, lean proteins like fish and poultry were all the essentials I needed. But it was a tough one.

Now, as I prepare to divulge the latest shifting of this devious fiend, I want you to prepare yourself too. You are going to laugh in disbelief at how non-devious and obvious this monster has become. It’s almost as if my own personal monster has been dabbling in Buddhist philosophy, and become a Zen-master, fooling my mind to help me reach a higher plane or greater consciousness. The new shape of my monster is: drum roll, please:

The Monster Cookie at Red Rock Bakery Cafe in Moab, Utah.

What kind of joke is this? Can you believe it? You’d think my monster was doing the old reverse psychology on me. Was I becoming too smart for my own good, that it had to shift into something so blatant, even I would be fooled? Or is this the universe’s way of assisting me in finally overcoming the hurdle of the latest decadent food I’ve become enslaved to? Perhaps I’ll take this little realization with me tomorrow when everything starts all over again!

Being enslaved to a Monster Cookie in Moab, Utah wouldn’t be so bad, in any normal person’s life, because most people don’t reside in Moab, Utah. Heck, I don’t even reside in Moab, Utah. So, what’s the problem? Well, my pretties, I do sort of reside in Moab part-time, and it just so happens that THIS part-time session has been during my weight-loss challenge. The hitch with this monster? The one thing that keeps me eating them? Could it be that they don’t have any flour, so they must be low-calorie? Well, that’s the snare, but it’s too good to be true.

Though I’ve not conquered my demons in totality, I like to think that I conquered my monster. Today, I actually did it. I finally conquered the Monster Cookie!

How? I ate every last bit of it. I even licked my fingers and grabbed the crumbs and ate those too. It was all for you, I must say. I had to quiet the monster, so I could report back that I’d done it. And the only way I saw how (in a pinch) was to eat it and silence it’s voice forever (at least until tomorrow, that is). Now the monster is indeed in me. Get it? The Monster in Me? I crack myself up.

Now the real question is, how do I get that thing out of me without going bulimic, and can I do it before weighing in?

You see? I did say to be very afraid.

In my defense I promise in all honesty that I never have nor will I ever cheat at this thing. It doesn’t do me any good. I always know the truth. So does the scale. I won’t lie about what I eat. I won’t lie about my weight. I will always take responsibility for my actions. So if, when I weigh-in tomorrow morning just before sending this, I have gained weight, I will tell you.

Here are my results for this week. Please be kind. Remember, I’ve had quite a challenging few weeks. You’d almost never know I was trying to slim down, now would you?

Start Date: Thursday January 31, 2007
Height: 5′ 5″
Goal: 125 lbs
Beginning weight: 136 lbs
Weight after week 1: 132.5 lbs (02.07.08)
Weight after week 2: 130 lbs (02.14.08)
Weight after week 3: 130 lbs (02.21.08)
Weight after week 4: unknown – no scale! yippee! (02.28.08)
Weight after week 5:  128 lbs (03.06.08)
Weight after week 6:  127.5 lbs (03.13.08)
Net Loss / Gain this week:  -.5 lbs – YEAH BABY!!
TOTAL Net Loss:   8.5 lbs UH HUH!

All in all, I am like the energizer bunny of healthy eating. When my world is crazed, and life is busy, and I am traveling and buying property and transitioning in life – I could easily give it all a rest. So many of my friends have said things like, “Give it a rest, girlfriend. You are thin. You don’t need to worry about it, especially now!” But they have always said that. No one has ever come to me and said, “You need to cut back girl. You’ve been eating like a horse.” No one, that is, except my anorexic ex-husband. I actually see this time of transition and hectic schedules, and incredible pressure to be one that demands health to stay alive and to be able to enjoy that life. I can do this, and I will. I know I need it and that’s what truly matters. I will not stop trying. Today is the first day of my greatest success.

So tell me, who, what or where are your monsters? What are your secrets to overcoming them?

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Shimmy Shimmy Cocoa Pop, Zucchini on the Top!

March 6, 2008 by MsCheevious

I had quite an eventful week after chatting with you last.

It started in Tampa, Florida, where I attended a business conference. It’s also where I successfully fit into THE summer business suit. Yes, that very suit. You all know what I’m talking about. Aside from the fact that THE suit I’m referring to has been the catalyst for this entire series of posts (regarding my urgent quest to shed 11 pounds), it’s also a part of your lives too. You either own one, or you have something similar hanging in your closet. It’s that one item that doesn’t look or feel as good as it use to, and yet you continue to store it in your closet. Why? Because of the promise of “some day.”

Some day. We all know that nifty little “catch all” too well, don’t we? How many times do you plan to do something, or simply envision life a certain way in the future, and yet some how, “some day” eludes even the best of planners?

When I put MY summer suit on the first time, “some day” was no longer an option. THE summer suit precipitated a somewhat frenzied, yet long overdue reversion back to healthy eating habits, with the full intention of not only fitting into, but looking HOT in said suit. And guess what? I fit into my suit. It looked great, and I felt great wearing it. The shoes – not so much. But as they say, “Fashion before comfort, baby.”

Welcome to part #263,000,432 of my series on, well, me. And if I’ve actually fooled you into thinking that, my work here is done. HA! You’ve actually entered a place for people to read the stuff of an every-day life enjoyed to the fullest – shaken, not stirred. And with a twist. It’s a place people come to read each week, because they laugh and they identify, and because we are all a little insane at times. But seriously, I am actually in the midst of a self-imposed weight loss challenge. I will fill you in on my progress eventually. So keep reading. It’s very good, I promise (my weight-loss result, of course).

After writing last week’s blog post I hopped a plane in Tampa and headed to Los Angeles, California. I am buying a condo in LA, and over this past weekend I hunted like an Amazon for the best deal, in the best neighborhoods. It was also the day I received a call, with subsequent text messages from a sister I rarely hear from. I was changing planes, and missed the calls and texts, but my heart leaped into my throat when I saw who it was. My worst fears entered my mind. I called my sister immediately to discover that our mom had suffered a stroke.

It turns out that my mom, although 83, is doing okay. She’s a fighter, I tell ya’. But it was a scary and uncertain couple of days, which when pondered, brought to mind all the most important parts of our lives. Forgive me if I wax sentimental here for a bit. I know. For me, this is a stretch. I found myself remembering my mom as my “mommy” who I loved so much as a kid – and of course, I still do today. I really, really loved my mom though. She was my very first best friend. I called her ad nauseam at work every day after school. Sometimes I would hear the receptionist say laughingly, before she actually put the phone on hold, “It’s Lisa again!” But I didn’t care. I needed to tell my mom what I thought about my walk home from school that day, and how funny something struck me on television, or how Billy Norton ate a grasshopper on the play ground, and “ewe” how gross was that, and whether I hated my homework assignment for the day. She always listened and laughed and tried to accommodate my need for her over the phone, no matter how busy she was.

I realize now, without a doubt, that I never lost that best friend status with my mom, and even as she approaches the end of her time here on earth – and no one knows when that will be – she could be with us for many more years to come – I will always revere her and think of her as one of my very best of friends, as well as my mother, my nurturer and my very own special mommy. She has no idea of the grand and beautiful legacy she has built over her lifetime, and I am a proud and very lucky part of that.

My mom was the consummate “hot mom.” We grew up with incredible images of our mom as a youth – photos proudly displayed around our parents’ business and our home by our dad – of her in her late teens and early twenties, when she looked more beautiful than Rita Hayworth. We knew that our mom was glamorous, beautiful, talented and incredibly intelligent. What a role model, eh?

She was (and is) also very funny. While we were growing up, she regularly did things (without meaning to) that cracked each and every one of us kids up. We had so much fun around our house, we were taught that life was to be enjoyed. And my mom is responsible for that. She showed us all how to have fun or to look on the bright side, no matter what the circumstances. She modeled it for us as well.

Thinking about my mom like that truly reminds me of being a kid.

It makes me remember simple things like wanting to learn to jump rope. My mom took me out to buy one, because she understood. I remember working so hard at it so I could jump in with the other girls on the playground at school as they jumped to all the different chants and rhymes, like this one:

Down, down baby, down by the rollercoaster,
Sweet, sweet baby, I’ll never let you go,
Shimmy shimmy cocoa pop, shimmy shimmy rock,
I met a girlfriend, a triscuit, she said a triscuit, a biscuit,
Ice cream, soda pop, vanilla on the top,
Ooh Chelley, walking down the street, ten times a week,
I said it, I meant it, I stole my mamma’s credit,
I’m cool, I’m hot, sock me in the stomach or forget it.

Remember those types of meaningless games we’d play over and over again? Okay, maybe it was (or is) just me. But I have to admit, it was a carefree time, in the biggest, truest sense of the word.

And now, I find myself at a loss for funny words to describe my challenges of weight loss this week. How does one mitigate the seriousness of life, with its very trivialities? I guess that staying fit and lean, for me is not trivial. It’s a matter of life or death, and the ability to enjoy that life that is so precious!

This week for me was all about survival, I suppose. Not in a sad sense, but I just found it challenging to stay awake! I was exhausted the entire trip! But I did have some fun in LA, like seeing The Color Purple (INCREDIBLE), and going to the Clipper’s game (thanks, Bill!).

I suffered the usual missteps, like being served regular coffee instead of decaf (BAD thing to do to me), and feeling so shaky and almost hypoglycemic at an airport that I ate an entire large slice of pizza, only to arrive home and eat a giant cinnamon role at Zele Cafe – not to mention eating the remainder of a Cadbury Dairy Milk bar found in freezer when I returned home! Now that’s WILL POWER my friend!

I can, however, leave you with this: I stuck with it. I could have hung it up, especially after that big pizza, pastry and chocolate day, and allowed myself a few more days lacking self control, but I didn’t. I had to make the conscious choice NOT to. It was also difficult staying on track in strange cities, at hotels and in airports. I did what I had to do. I went to the local grocer and bought organic baby carrots, I brought my favorite bite-sized chocolates with me, and I was a complete nuisance to waiters at restaurants (okay – that last one is always true – but I just love making up my own healthy menu item – without butter or oil, please).

I even blamed my hardcore antics on you guys! It was a real convenience, so thanks! Ha ha. I only used it as a last resort, but I said something like, “Nope. Can’t have it. I’m on this weight loss challenge with my blog, and I have to report my progress every week. Sorry!” I know, it’s bad, but hey, whatever works!

My results for this week:

Start Date: Thursday January 31, 2007
Height: 5′ 5″
Goal: 125 lbs
Beginning weight: 136 lbs
Weight after week 1: 132.5 lbs (02.07.08)
Weight after week 2: 130 lbs (02.14.08)
Weight after week 3: 130 lbs (02.21.08)
Weight after week 4: unknown – no scale! yippee! (02.28.08)
Weight after week 5: 128 lbs (03.06.08)
Net Loss / Gain this week: – 2.0 YEAH BABY!
TOTAL Net Loss: 8 lbs WOO HOO!

It just goes to show that persistence pays off. If you’ve set a goal that seems difficult to achieve, don’t give up. Keep your focus and stay determined. You’ll get there.

So many of you wrote me emails over the last two weeks asking what I am doing to lose the pounds, exactly. Don’t forget that the first week of my diet is posted on my website for all to see. Check it out.

Have you instigated your own “challenge” lately? Are you trying to achieve a goal in an area of your life? Hit reply to post and talk about it! Be comfortable in your own skin, and have a wonderful week!

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Krispy Creme and a Bag o’ Chips!

February 28, 2008 by MsCheevious

Okay – so I’m not perfect. Yep I ate ’em. I ate an entire single serving bag of Lays Potato Chips and two (count ’em, TWO) Krispy Creme Donuts last night, right before bed. That doesn’t count the half a bottle of red wine and vodka martini I drank throughout the course of my seven hour evening. Lesson learned? Don’t drink and diet. Ha!

If this is your first time stopping by Ms. Cheevious’ blog, welcome. We’re in the midst of a weight loss challenge. You’d never know it would you? This week I am traveling, so the post is brief and to the point – but let’s face it. It’s all part of the journey. If you’d like to see how this challenge began, go to the first post in this series: I’m a Thin, Light, Lean Mean Machine Don’tcha Know? You’ll get an idea of what’s going on in here. It’s mayhem, I tell you. Pure mayhem.

As to my recent reckless indulgence? No excuses. It was the end to a very tiring week of travel, conferences, and being “on” 24/7. What made it even more difficult was that my futile attempts at staying on course (which actually were not futile until last night) were met with comments like “You don’t even have anything on you to pinch!” or “You will blow away!” Which is ridiculous. I could wrestle any of them to the ground in about three seconds flat and hold them there as long as I wanted – except for that little thing. That tiny little morsel of truth that rears its ugly head just before you grab the other person, slam them to the floor and sit on them, holding them there until they cry uncle (I know you are asking how I conjured up such a vivid description, when little ole me could never do something so “manly.” Think Daisy Duke. It’s in all of us. Females all have a little Daisy Duke, even if it’s buried under generations of frumpiness). It’s that eency weency bit of wisdom that stops you and informs you that “they” probably wouldn’t be too into being wrestled to the ground (not that I am. No really, I’m not. I swear).

I am writing from the road to say “All is fair in love and war. And healthy eating.” Some more personal favorites: “Nobody is perfect,” “You never know what’s coming around the corner,” and “Life is What You Make of It.” Oh, and another great one: “No one gets out of this alive.” How’s that for a golden nugget?

“Nobody is perfect” is important though. It is not just a little adage for the day, to post over your work station. It’s the truth. I am certainly not perfect. Still, I try. Don’t you stop trying, either. Let’s all continue in our delusional states, shall we? Ignorance is Bliss. Okay, enough of the cheesy cliches.

But, when ya’ gotta have that raspberry filled Krispy Creme Donut, even though you NEVER eat them when you are sane, ya’ just gotta have it. You know what I mean? HA!

I’ll weigh in and resume my pristine, precise and orderly communication next week. But here is to YOU. It’s a bumpy road out there with long, winding turns, and only those who can maneuver with finesse will succeed while surviving those twists and turns! You can do this thing called life, and you can do it with incredible success. I know I can, and will – dammit. So, enjoy the rest of your week!

xoxo – Ms. Cheevious

OH! PS) I lost two more pounds after last week’s post. I’m sure I gained them back this week, but stay tuned. I’ll let you know more of how I battled my way into my summer suit and became king of the hill next week. Also, I’m about to provide my entire eating regime over the last few weeks so you can see how it really comes together! I’m excited for what’s in store! Again – Here’s to YOU!!

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The MILF & Cookies Factor

February 21, 2008 by MsCheevious

I am looking at a cover of Esquire Magazine this very moment. Esquire is a favorite of mine. The writing is razor sharp and cool. I simply adore it. I watch my mailbox, and look forward to each month’s edition almost as much as I long for a luscious piece of chocolate after a long day. I’ve grown so accustomed to reading it from cover to cover, I fear without it my mind would grow dull and stale. Yet my mind is continually inspired and pleasantly surprised by refreshing turns like, “I always thought he was a deeply fascinating, impossibly singular, sporadically terrifying personality,” when referring to someone as ubiquitous yet equally uninteresting to me as Norman Mailer.

That’s not to mention the fact that they have a column residing at times in the pages of Esquire called “The MILF Factor” (in several editions). This is where a supposed “hot mom” comments on an article of clothing or some other inconsequential, yet equally meaningful item or subject matter. Of course I was NOT thrilled they didn’t ask ME to comment. HellO. Don’t they know who I am?

Perhaps not.

Welcome to my rant about Esquire, women and beauty – and my quest to regain mine. Beauty, that is (I’ve not lost my Esquire magazine, and I’m not out gathering women – unless of course, I can gather you ’round to listen to me for about an hour or so. I think it’s safe to say we’ve all noticed how I love to be heard).

It’s not actually “beauty” I am trying to regain either. I think truthful, loving, kind individuals are beautiful. Plus, I don’t believe you can lose your beauty. True inner beauty radiates to the surface. Hard to get rid of that.

Rabbit-trailing again, I did get a highlight last week. Really light. I love it. I also cut about five inches off my hair, and got a fun little “do” happenin’ there. That said, I suppose I am always striving to maintain what semblance of outward beauty remains. So sue me.

I am trying to regain my thinness. You may already know this from my last three posts. I’m starting week four of my quest to get back into my summer suit and look GOOD in it! Things are going beautifully – not to be redundant. My results are at the end of this post. Meet me there in a bit, would you? Then leave a reply.

Anyhow, I am looking at the February 2008 cover of Esquire, which features Victoria’s Secret models re-creating an iconic pose to kick off their anniversary year. (That’s what the cover says!). Here it is, below:

I haven’t yet figured out which iconic pose they’ve recreated here, but I had one of those “Eureka” or “ahaaaa” thoughts, ‘I need to share this on my blog!”

THIS, my friends, is one of my tricks! So many women wouldn’t dare have this magazine in their home for fear their men would be “tempted” or they’d somehow, out of the blue, realize how overweight and un-lovely they are. But I take images like this cover, or my favorite pictures from the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition, and I post them on my refrigerator, on my junk food cupboard, and next the the mirror where I get ready in the morning. My boyfriend doesn’t get weird about it. That idea is just plain weirdness. If he were going to be pervy about the pictures instead of appreciating them for what they are – hotness… beauty, then he’d be a pervert already. I couldn’t take the credit for somehow making him a perve. Ewe. Weird.

And why not? I mean, why not post these images around my house? I say, whatever works to achieve your goal, baby! Whether you are a hot mom “MILF” or just a hottie lady who loves life – only you can achieve your goals. No one else can do it for you. Just go for it, and get it done! I’ll be cheering for you, and thinking really great things – like how great you will look, and how happy you’ll be!

This Week’s Results

And speaking of MILF’s… and cookies…

This week it was quite the challenge to live in the little world called Healthy-MsCheevious-Land (yes, the two can intertwine). Last Thursday was Valentine’s Day, and my boyfriend took me to my all-time favorite restaurant, Center Cafe. I saved up my calories all day, eating egg whites and veggies for breakfast and lunch. Then I ate exactly what I wanted for dinner. I even had a glass and a half of wine. It was scrumptious.

Then my little friend “Flo” started to call me. You know her too. She stops by every month. Well, she wore me out and I felt hungry all the time from having my energy zapped. But I am a veteran at living and eating healthy. It’s funny how it all comes back to you when you get serious. I was able to recognize the signs of my little friend’s impending visit – and based on how I was reacting (emotional, shaky, tired all the time) I knew if I didn’t get some decadent meal served to me by a waiter, I was going to cry. So, I did it. Yep. I ate Mexican food. I ate cheese and guacamole. I ate chips and salsa and I drank a margarita. Hey – I didn’t pig out, I just ate what sounded good – because my endorphins were low, my energy was low and I needed a little somethin’ somethin’. I knew if I didn’t do that, I’d spend every day eating a little more than I should, cheating just a little bit, and that is far worse!

In spite of it all, Flo came over for her monthly visit the night before I was suppose to weigh in – Wednesday night. Did that deter me? Did I give up and eat whatever I wanted? Nope. I put my suit – theeee suit – on. And guess what? It actually fit! I can take it with me next week on my business trip! I will continue to lose the weight, because I’ve not yet reached my goal. As a matter of fact, this week – I stayed the same.

So, no weight loss this week. But none gained either, and what a great week it was! I have no regrets for how it played out this week. It’s all about the journey, and remember: Ya gotta LIVE.

But don’t stop there! Tell me – how do you plan to do it – conquer your world?

[digg=http://digg.com/health/The_MILF_Cookies_Factor]

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That’s Amore I Tell Ya’

February 14, 2008 by MsCheevious

Ahhhh Valentine’s Day.

The treats, and sweets, the flowers, and the pink stuff. All that pink. Everywhere.

It’s a day you either LOVE (because you are either coupled up and in love, or you are altruistic about the holiday no matter what your circumstances), or HATE (because you are either coupled up and not in love, or you are alone and sick of this thing being shoved in your face every year). It sounds extreme, I know. There may be an in-between in there somewhere, but who wants to broach that? “Oh, I think Valentine’s Day is just FINE.” If I said that, my post would be finished right here. That might appeal to some of you non-readers, I admit. But what else is there to say after “just FINE?” And besides, how boring would that be? It’s much more interesting to veer toward the extreme.

Welcome to my V-Day post. In case you are new, it’s also the start of week 3 in my pursuit to get back to my old healthy self and lose a few extra pounds in the process. It began with the post, “I’m a Thin, Light, Lean Machine Don’tcha Know?”, and then after week 1, I lost 3.5 pounds, and chronicled it in the post, “Junk Food My Arse – Really!” My results for this week are at the end of this post, and they’re good. You won’t want to miss ’em.

The Day of Love

Every time I hear the word Amore – I remember the song (sing it with me here) “When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore!”

What I want to know is who thought up those lyrics, and what kind of drugs were they on? Just think about it. Did they actually think that the moon hitting your eye like a big pizza pie was at all usual? They must have, or they wouldn’t have said it like it’s inevitable. So is being hit in one’s eye (with a big or little or any kind of pizza pie), good, then? Or bad? Is love good or bad? Here’s to true sadomasochism and the thought that love hurts – but we love IT (love – whether it hurts or feels good, that is). There are a couple of other alternatives to a drug induced rhyme. Here are a few:

1) He/she was in a writing slump. I hear it happens.
2) He was a very poor lyricist, and just couldn’t think of anything to rhyme with “Eye” – not a single thing besides Pizza Pie.
3) He was an exceptional lyricist, and it just takes an intelligent mind to really “get” the true meaning of the lyrics.
4) He made a bet with friends, colleagues and the record label that no matter what the song said, it would sell.

I’ve got my money on number three or four, if drugs are ruled out. I am assuming here that “love” or “amore” in this context is suppose to be viewed as a good experience, as most of us know it to be. Although I also know from experience that love can be painful, treacherous, harsh, and extremely confusing. I guess being hit with a pizza in the eye could be an extremely confusing or painful experience, as could falling in love. Well, anyway.

Webster Defines “amore”:
Pronunciation: ə-ˈmȯr-ā
Function: adverb
Etymology: Italian
Date: 1739

1 : with love, devotion, or zest 2 : in a tender manner —used as a direction in music.

Not Any Amore

After that long-winded (or carpal tunnel induced) hook, I’ve got to be honest with you. This post has nothing to do with Love or Valentine’s Day.

HELLOOOO, PEOPLLLLLE! I am getting my life (my body, more specifically) back! I can’t be dwelling on chocolate and candy and all of that, when I have more important fish to fry – or steam – or broil. I know the title of my post says “Amore” but I lied. Sorry. It was a trick to get you in here.

What I REALLY want to dish on are social “mores” (typically pronounced mohr-ays) and how they apply to me on my quest to stay fit and healthy. I know – BOH – RING. But indulge me here. I am getting really good at this whole “mores” thing.

Webster defines Mores as such:
Pronunciation: ˈmȯr-ˌāz also -(ˌ)ēz
Function: noun plural
Etymology: Latin, plural of mor-, mos custom
Date: circa 1899

1 : the fixed morally binding customs of a particular group 2 : moral attitudes 3 : habits, manners

The other night my boyfriend and I made dinner plans with a friend of his. At this stage in the game (when we had dinner, I’d been on my quest for just two and a half weeks), I try to refrain from eating out. It takes me some time to get things under control and to be disciplined enough to be able to or even want to finagle things so that I can eat out without a worry. Don’t get me wrong: I always customize my orders at restaurants. Without fail. I am not joking. Even the Lumberjack at Denny’s.

Our dinner plans were set for 7:30 pm. This is late for an everyday, back-on-the-bandwagon kinda health chick like me. I eat lunch at about noon (unless I’m too busy too notice, but that rarely occurs), and I eat something like carrots or pickles or something as an afternoon snack each day, so by 7:30 pm on most days, I’ve eaten my entire dinner and am feeling fine.

We went to dinner, and I was starving. This is the first RED FLAG in the world of eating healthy. Anyone savvy, who knows how to eat right, knows if you let yourself get hungry enough, you’ll eat things you don’t even like – like cold artichoke or hummus without bread. And at a fabulous Italian restaurant like the one we dined in, it’s inevitable that you’ll be served warm, fresh baked bread the minute you sit down.

We arrived at the restaurant, and I was determined to be good. Now, I define “good” as “good to myself.” I don’t usually care what others think about me, as long as what I am doing is not causing them real harm.

I’ll cut to the chase. I had to be proactive. If I didn’t get some food quick, I was going to eat the entire basket of bread sitting before me. So, I ordered some steamed vegetables and a glass of water. As soon as it arrived, I began devouring it. Our friend was running late, but arrived as I was finishing off my last brussel sprout. It was delicious. She said, “Oh, you guys already ordered?” My boyfriend and I were immediately apologetic. We knew it is just not really acceptable to order before your dinner guests arrive. “We’re sorry! She was going to faint!” my man said. I felt bad, but it was really not a huge deal. As I thought about it later, and pondered it throughout the rest of this week, I decided that it’s because of my willingness to break with tradition or social mores, that I am successful. And I don’t simply mean in my pursuit to regain my healthy eating lifestyle. I’ve been successful in loads of ventures in my life, and I think it’s because I am willing to do things that are just outside of the box. Just one toe over the line.

So – my encouragement to you this week:

If you are single: Forget about the Amore of Valentine’s Day. Love who you are, and the beauty in life you can experience daily. Enjoy every moment.

If you are overcoming something in your life, or challenged in some area: forget about the social mores. Don’t concern yourself with what other people will think. Any amount of success requires focus and determination, and as long as you are doing no harm to another – you’ve got every right to change the social rules.

If you too are slimming down: Be courageous! Get creative when it comes to dining out or socializing. Have your friends invited you to dine out? Exercise your freedom to eat your dinner early at home – within your control. Then show up for a soda or lemon-water and enjoy the company of your friends while they indulge in every form of decadence known to man. It really won’t kill you. The point is, don’t feel obligated to do anything you haven’t planned or aren’t ready for, and begin to make things happen for yourself – no matter what societal “rules” or “mores” exist. Only you can make it happen.

OH! I almost forgot!! My RESULTS for this week!
Start Date: Thursday January 31, 2007
Height: 5′ 5″
Goal: 125 lbs
Beginning weight: 136 lbs
Weight after week 1: 132.5 lbs (02.07.08)
Weight after week 2: 130 lbs (02.14.08)
Net Loss / Gain this week: – 2.5 YAY!

TOTAL Net Loss: 6 lbs WOO HOO!

Hey, if I can do this, you can do anything you intend to do. Enjoy life today! You are so very worth it.

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Junk Food My Arse – Really!

February 7, 2008 by MsCheevious

Ever feel like you’re just a cog in the wheel of the world, and relegated to doing things the same old way, day in and day out? Ever think that the wheels on the bus really do just keep going round and round?

That’s how it is at times for me. My boyfriend is one of those tall, lean, super muscular types that has always been athletic and active, and has never had to diet. Welcome to my nightmare. I was all set before I met him. Well, in the health and diet department, at least. He introduced me to the joys and delicacies of salami from around the globe (which I never would be caught dead eating before), served with fresh baked tuscan bread and olive oil. Oh, and the incredible wines that we love to drink!

Don’t get me going! I’ll gain weight just typing this. But if I even think the words “diet” or “cut back,” or “slim down,” I may as well just say “fuh-get-abou-dit!” around our house and just eat the stinkin’ salami. Heck, if he doesn’t mind the rotund little sub-human species that appears before him after a few years of eating like he does, why should I even try?

If you’re new to this blog, welcome. Enter with caution. You will get the hard cold truth, the facts about things in life and the world – as discovered and submitted by my crack team of research experts (yeah, right), and hopefully you’ll laugh a little. Cuz my life is just one big joke. HA!

But you see I’ve been on this quest to get from this:

That’s my left hip / waist up there.

Stretch marks and all. I have no secrets, I know.

To this:

That’s me on the right. But it doesn’t
really matter. The red leather pants
are mine as well, and I use to fit in
them just as nicely!

The truth is, I stay fit for ME. And this is the start of week 2 of my “thin thinking, lean, mean machine” approach to fitting back into my suit. I started last week as documented on the post I’m a Thin, Light, Lean, Mean Machine – Don’tcha Know?.

I also want to clarify exactly why I am trying to lose weight. But I won’t do that here. To find out, you’ll have to read this whole thing. It’s near the end.

Last week I left you with the notion that I have GOT to lose 11 lbs. I have a business trip coming up and have to fit into my suit! It’s a brand new, gorgeous suit. Now comes the good stuff. HOW I am doing it? I’ll give you a hint: I am a lifer with that weightloss group you thought was only for old, fat, frumpy women. Well, guess what? It’s not, and I’m not. It’s just smart. Hello Weight Watchers. Yep. They’ve saved my life – or at least saved me from having to buy entirely new wardrobes – more than once. It’s true. I even go to meetings when I can. If anyone wants to get details on how I do it, you can go here to see everything I ate, as well as the “before” pictures of both hips, and that suit. Ich.

I have to say, there is this whole mental thing that happens when I try to eat healthy.

Take the Super Bowl, for instance. My boyfriend and I were spending time at our house in Moab, Utah. We don’t really know people in Moab. We planned to watch the game on our own. My boyfriend knew this was weird for me. I like people, and I like to be social – especially when there is a big event that everyone gathers together to watch.

So, in the morning of the big game he took me out to breakfast. Remember – I am watching everything that goes into my body. So, when our choices were limited to Denny’s or the Steakhouse that serves breakfast, I knew I’d be in trouble. In L.A. I could go to any number of restaurants – even Mel’s Diner on Sunset – where ordering something like steamed vegetables scrambled with two egg whites would seem commonplace to them. As a matter of fact, they’d have it on the menu. I held my breath and thought to myself, “We are not in Kansas any more Dorothy.” Besides, I knew it might be my only chance to see beyond the walls of our house on Super Bowl Sunday. So, off we went.

As I looked at the menu, I mentioned how I couldn’t decide if I should eat the amount of food I would normally reserve for lunch, and then have my yummy egg whites and grilled vegetables at lunch. Then it happened: Peer pressure. Holiday pressure. Non-dieter pressure. Pressure from someone who has never dieted in his life. “Why don’t you just enjoy the day? It’s Super Bowl Sunday! We can grill some great stuff and make some really good Super Bowl style food (translation: junk), and you can start again tomorrow.” I knew he meant well. He is so sweet.

I was forced to explain how it really works.

“Realize this,” I began, knowing full-well he knew he was in for a lecture of sorts. “If I live my life like that: eating junk food, or the holiday food of choice, or whatever – every single time there is a holiday, just because there is a holiday, I may as well forget about ever eating healthy, staying thin or living a healthy existence. Think about it. There is some occasion every single month, usually several times a month. Birthdays, client meetings, Super Bowl, Valentine’s Day, St. Patrick’s Day, Fourth of July, business lunches, weddings, you name it. I have to decide I am a healthy eater – no matter what the occasion – and only allow myself to eat that stuff, like nachos, when IIII really want it (emphasis on I). Sure, it always tastes good, but I have learned that I will never succeed if I live that way.”

He quickly agreed. Poor guy.

But he ordered the “lumberjack” which consisted of two sausage links, two strips of bacon, a slice of ham, two eggs, hashbrowns (the processed kind), two pancakes with butter, and an order of white toast with butter (and jelly, of course). Talk about will power. Mine, I mean. Come to think of it, I didn’t even flinch. I didn’t even realize I’d taken an inventory of his meal until just this moment.

I ate oatmeal with splenda. Yum.

I didn’t really crave anything on his plate. I wasn’t jealous or wishing I could have pancakes. I’ve also learned that all of those decadent, yummy, fattening foods are always around. They will find me, believe you me, no matter where I go or how much weight I lose. But I tried to remember the last time I ate and ordered whatever I wanted from the breakfast menu at Denny’s. If I tried to remember that two or three years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to recall. I would have laughed and thought with a distant memory of that greasy taste in my mouth, how it must have been in high school or something. But the sad thing is, as I looked at my boyfriend’s entire table of food, I realized I’d just ordered the lumberjack myself about two months ago. This is why I am here now, trying to lose 11 lbs.

How easy it is to slip into the land of “I can eat whatever I want and still look fabulous” mentality. I decided a few years back, and I am quickly regaining that resolve, that I will always have to work at being thin and fit, and that’s just it. If I decide I have earned the option of looking frumpy after reaching seventy, then I will cross that bridge, as they say. But even that thinking gets you in trouble. I can just see it. With that mentality, I’ll reach my seventieth birthday and head straight for the market to buy myself all the favorite foods I’ve kept myself from eating: pizza, manicotti, filet mignon with real butter, giant baked potatoes with real butter and real sour cream, nachos with beans and ground beef and cheese smothered all over them, enchiladas, with cheese and sour cream, and oh so much more. I’ll decide that my three-times-a-week yoga class can now be replaced with baking days. I’ll bake my delicious Russian Tea Cakes (all butter), my chocolate chip pecan cookies that have Cadbury Dairy Milk chocolate in them, and my fudge and peanut brittles, and every other kind of decadent sweet I can think of. I’ll say it’s because I’m older now, and I’ve earned the right to bake food for my kids and grandkids (if I ever have them). But in reality, I’ll be eating most of it myself, because hey – I earned it.

So, I’ve decided to plan to go out like Audrey or Katherine Hepburn. Slender, lovely, and full of style. That’s my plan anyhow, morbid and narcissistic as it sounds to speak of how I want to look when I die. It’s more about how I want to live. When I get older, I don’t want to lose my breath trying to lift my sausage thighs up the stairs, or to bend down and pick something up. But I’m so young and so far from being that age, you say? Well, now is the time to set patterns and lay the ground-work for how it with be then.

So NOW is the time – okay, last week was my NOW – but I have begun.

Here are my results after week 1:
Start Date: Thursday January 31, 2007
Height: 5′ 5″
Goal: 125 lbs
Beginning weight: 136 lbs
Weight after week 1: 132.5 lbs (02.07.08)
Net Loss or other: – 3.5 WOO HOO!!!

Now as to the reason I am on a quest to lose weight, and even more important, why I feel compelled to explain it again? Well, some of you out there are wondering (I know this, because I am clairvoyant) what in the world I am doing trying to lose weight. You think I’m as thin as I need to be, and I thank you for the good thoughts toward me.

My response? Only I know where I need to be. I am not, nor have I ever been anorexic. You will see this when you take a look at what I eat in a week! I vowed long ago to never let my weight get to the point where others decide it’s time for me to lose it. By then, it’s so far gone, it’s extremely difficult. I know. It happened to me after I gave birth to my youngest son. Oh – about six years after. It was way past my time then, and took several weeks and months of hard work and dedication to get to where I wanted to be. I will not let that happen again. I know the signs. It happens slowly. Five pounds in a year, or so. But it doesn’t stop until you get tough on yourself and reign things in. So, I’m doing it. End of story. But again, thanks for caring!

I’m on my way to a renewed me. What about you? What are you doing to get healthy this year?

————

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