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Stop Your ‘Splainin’ Lucy

June 17, 2013 by MsCheevious

Yes, PLEASE, for GODSSAKES, stop your ‘splainin’ Lucy, because I’mma getting tired of picking up the pieces.

I’m talking to myself, of course. And herein lies the article in which I proclaim that while my hilarious tales of Lucille Ball-esque adventures are fun and all (for the story-telling and the reading), they’re not nearly so fun in real life.

Here’s the story …

I recently joined a new friend (someone I met at the Facebook and Twitter conference in San Francisco earlier in June), fellow blogger Melany (of MelanysGuydlines.com) and a few of her friends to celebrate her birthday in Hollywood. I don’t do Hollywood much anymore these days, since I now live at the beach. It’s a huge trek, and the parking is astronomical on a Saturday night. But alas, I needed some girl time, and was actually looking forward to hanging with Melany, so… trekky I became.

My day leading up to this was not one for the list of hallmark moments (to put it kindly). One of my sons, whom I normally love, behaved in such a way that I unleashed a scream on him that I generally reserve for — oh — let’s say plane crashes.

I decided after that to arrive early to the party (and arranged with Melany and company to do so as well for a pre-party toast)… I like Melany and all, but after the day I had, I was suddenly looking forward to a martini.

There were a number of things that destined this evening to fail for me: a) I parked too far away. I’m out of practice, and have taken on M.C. Nugget’s habit of parking a “little” further in order to save a buck. In this case it was five bucks, so I parked somewhere and started walking before I realized it was about a quarter mile. I hoofed it in heels; b) the altercation with my son put a damper on everything; and c) I’d mistaken a warm balmy day at the beach for what I thought would be a warm balmy night in Hollywood, and arrived in a halter top and no jacket. It was f-ing cold.

When my martini arrived so did the champagne Melany’s mother “phoned in” for our little group. Fun times ensued…

You’ll be proud to know that even in my darkest hour, I did not imbibe irresponsibly. I had my one martini and a few sips of Champagne. When the party decided to make a move, I was ready to call it a night. I got in their car with them, thinking their next destination, The Rainbow on Sunset, would bring me closer to my car… WRONG. The Rainbow is way past where I parked. But this is Sunset Blvd on a Saturday night people. You do not “turn a car around.” So they pulled over and I flagged a cab back to my car.

And then, I was bamboozled by a cabby.

He took me down the block, for all of five bucks (so much for my five dollar parking save), and I handed him a twenty. I was distracted, looking into the hotel lobby (think, “ooohh… pretty lights over there!”) when the cabby scoffed in a huff, pulled out five singles, and said “This is all I have” (which is BULLSHIT now that I think about it). I somehow confused what I’d just handed him and said okay, “keep one single.” And so I walked away from the cab sixteen dollars poorer.

This is where I should have cried and said “Ricky! He caught me off guard! He…. he…. he STOLE from me, RIIIICKYYYY!!!”

But instead I texted M.C. once I was back to my car and realized the fiasco that just occurred. Then I drove home in an angry “Don’t frack with me” rage. Not a great end to an already Sucky McSucklestein day.

Sorry. I know. I could have shared my tale in a light-hearted, “Oops! What a dumb blonde I was” fashion…The Lucille Ball comparisons could have remained intact, as you pictured my cartoon-esque figure dizzily bouncing around Sunset Boulevard. But alas, I’m still out sixteen dollars. It’s times like this I want to kick myself in the arse and say “FOCUS lady! FOCUS!”

Then M.C., my night in shining armor called me and said “Where do you want to meet me. I’ll buy you a drink.” My hero.

I’m now a reformed Lucy. I will never be bamboozled by a cabby again. You can COUNT on it.

Love you people!!!! Mmmmppphhhuuuhhhh!!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

aka Lisa Jey Davis

Editor in [Mis]Chief

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I Thought I was a Glamor-Puss

June 10, 2013 by MsCheevious

Please don’t laugh when I tell you why I *thought* I was a glamor-puss, but based on what transpired, I am faced with the harsh cold reality of “otherwise.” This is serious business.

Yesterday was a big day in my life: the day of the highly anticipated, exciting and extremely glamorous photo shoot for the cover of my book “Ms. Cheevious in Hollywood.”

Picture this: My hair long and flowing … the light on my face, a bustling film or television set in action all around me… I’m dressed to the nines and looking fine, I’m in charge, and I’m Ms. Cheevious.

That was the idea.

I strategically planned this photo shoot as if it was the next space shuttle launch. There were schematics, photos, and detailed instructions for crew and cast members (oh yes, there was a cast). I had dreams.

It’s interesting how when planning ultra-glam scenarios, I forget to account for “me” in them. True, I know how to produce. True, I know what looks good. But I’m generally directing and producing these things for other people, and enjoy the view from the sidelines. Seldom do I allow myself the luxury of participation, and there is good reason for that.

I am a klutz. I’ll just confess it now, and dispense with any future misunderstandings.

I was running around in my Ms. Cheevious stilettos, trying to make wardrobe changes in the blink of an eye, and I remember at one point thinking to myself, If I’m not careful, I’ll be pulling a Sandra Bullock here. I remembered her sexy strut in the film Miss Congeniality that ended in her tumbling to the ground, and bouncing back up. I wondered if I did fall, would I be able to bounce up like she did?

This is what goes on in here.

And NOW… I am here to tell you with great conviction that your thoughts do create your reality. I am living proof of it.

We were in the middle of a shot capitalizing on some natural light when my photographer said “If you want another dress, you’ll need to make it fast, because we’re losing this light.” So I ran, of course. More like I “Morticia’d” as fast as I could.

In four inch stilettos.

With three inch platforms.

I rounded a corner when one of my amazing-KILLER-high heels fell into a little dimple in the cement and KABLAMO! I went sailing through the air.

No schematic in the world could have orchestrated the poetry in motion that occurred in one-second flat while I lived it in slow motion. My brain was well aware of every little nuance of this symphony of catastrophe, and attempted to negotiate at every single micro-interval:

No I am NOT falling like Sandra Bullock am I!?

Yep… too late… It’s happening…

Quick save the hip! (Don’t laugh… you’ll need to save the hip one day)

Nope… the hip is GONE people!

Moving on then… Not the head… NOT the head! Anything but the head!

Shit… the head is toast.

Here is a photo from the shoot later (after the incident) that day in said stilettos, because, well, I need you to really grasp this situation. Thank god for the fabulousness that was Nicole – the makeup artist. You cannot see the Goose Egg that had formed on my head.

And here is the slightly healed-up bump on my head sans makeup (after 24 hours). It’s good I’ve got a thick Italian scull. I probably damaged the wall.

I won’t bore you with further details of the glamor-puss I really was, but here’s a hint: I gave the crew and M.C. Nugget another scare not long after the “Stiletto Crash Ballet,” when after munching down on a carrot, someone made me laugh. Then choke. Then not breathe. M.C. had to perform the Heimlich maneuver on me, until I produced something that looked this:

People like me should remember that warnings such as “Do not try this at home” are intended for them.

I will say this in my favor. After the choking incident, I hardly needed any makeup retouch at all. How cool is that?

I felt as close to Sandra Bullock from Miss Congeniality as I ever have after yesterday’s shenanigans. But alas, I am no Sandra Bullock who klutzes and flops around making fun of herself and laughing all along, still managing to bounce back up without a scratch.

Ahhh… to live the life of a real glamor-puss. One day, perhaps.

Have a fabulous week my loves! See you next time!

Love you people!!!! Mmmmmpppphhhhuuuuhhhh!!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

aka Lisa Jey Davis

Editor in [Mis]Chief

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AND NOW FOR TONS OF LINKS

WE WOULD APPRECIATE ANY CLICKS! MWAH!

BOOKS
	Get your copy of my yoga routine “Ahhhhhh…Haaaaaa Moments with Ms. Cheevious” for as low as .99 cents!
	And coming soon ‘Getting Over Your Ovaries. How to Make ‘The Change of Life’ Your Bitch’! *DANCING DORKISHLY AROUND THE ROOM*
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A Little Birdie Told Me: Going to Bed Early Is Ultra Suspicious

June 2, 2013 by MsCheevious

This week I am launching yet another segment of the blog titled “A Little Birdie Told Me” in which I share just a few of my favorite tweets from recent weeks. It should provide you all the reason you need to fly over to Twitter and enjoy the short, sweet, sometimes crude — but often balls-out hilarious conversation. If you know where to look, that is.

Here you go lovelys. Enjoy:

@Sara_ashlynn

@cixelsidgod

@Tuna_Lover

@Adar79Angie

@HrBry

@OutOfLeftField_

@aguywithnolife

@DamienFahey

@IamEnidColeslaw

Looking forward to your chirps!

Love you people!!!! Mmmmppphhhuuuhhhh!!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

aka Lisa Jey Davis

Editor in [Mis]Chief

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AND NOW FOR TONS OF LINKS

WE WOULD APPRECIATE ANY CLICKS! MWAH!

BOOKS
	Get your copy of my yoga routine “Ahhhhhh…Haaaaaa Moments with Ms. Cheevious” for as low as .99 cents!
	And coming soon ‘Getting Over Your Ovaries. How to Make ‘The Change of Life’ Your Bitch’! *DANCING DORKISHLY AROUND THE ROOM*
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Ms. Cheevious Grand Adventure

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Solving the World’s Problems Efficiently and in Style

May 26, 2013 by MsCheevious

While out for happy hour one evening, M.C. Nugget shared a riddle with me. The riddle goes like this:

A farmer has to get to the market with three items: a fox, a chicken and bag of corn.

To get to the market he must cross a river. But his boat will only fit himself and one item.

Knowing that if he leaves two behind, the fox will eat the chicken and the chicken will eat the corn… then how does he get himself and his three items safely across the river?

foxchickengrainpuzzle_8397 — A slight variation on the riddle…

I arrived at the answer to this Pulitzer prize-winning collection of words as I usually do after a cocktail or two: I looked at him doe-eyed, rambled on about a few things for distraction purposes, then snuggled up to him with tears in my eyes. If you know M.C. in person, you know he likes to get his laugh. This means that no matter how easy and obvious the answer to his damn riddle, he’ll give up the answer because, well… He must have closure.

So without further ado.. here is the answer that will solve all the problems of the universe:

The farmer takes the chicken over first, leaving the fox and bag of corn behind.

He goes back and gets the fox.

When he returns to the far bank, he leaves the fox, but puts the chicken back in the boat and takes it with him.

Back at his first bank, he puts the chicken on the bank, and the corn in the boat and takes that to the other side.

He then returns to the first bank, grabs the chicken, sails back to his final destination (the other side) and voila! All three are on the other side safely.

Yep. That’s super-human feats of efficiency for ya’ folks. FOUR damn round trips.

When M.C. gave me this earth-shattering answer, I looked at him in disbelief.

“FOUR trips? Are you kidding me?” I said.

“Look,” I half-slurred, “Here’s how I’m going to tell this riddle.”

In my riddle, I would not be a farmer. I’d be me… Ms. Cheevious. The chicken would have a magic ability to lay golden eggs (but of course) for just one week (Otherwise, why would I get rid of it at all?). I would then sell the chicken for a lifetime supply of vodka (I’d had two cocktails when I came up with this. What can I tell you, other than I am a light weight?). I would trade the fox for a beautiful faux fur (because, one can never be too glamorous… but we must also be kind to our furry friends),

and I would trade the corn for a party size platter of Chocolate Lasagna (yes, this is a real thing).

Then I would get to the other side in only THREE trips, and host the best damn party EVER.

By the end I would still have my lifetime supply of vodka and my glamorous fur. Problem solved. What was the problem again?

This is why any responsible person would say “happy hour is over, lady.” But my dears, there is a moral to the story. With a little ingenuity, chocolate and vodka can solve just about anything! If you’re extra brilliant, you’ll solve the world’s problems more efficiently, and in style.

Am I right?

Don’t answer that.

I have to take a nap now.

Love you people!!!! Mmmmppphhhuuuhhh!!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

aka Lisa Jey Davis

Editor in [Mis]Chief

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You can also follow Ms. Cheevious’ beau M.C. Nugget on Twitter, and NOW on his Facebook Page!

————————-

AND NOW FOR TONS OF LINKS

WE WOULD APPRECIATE ANY CLICKS! MWAH!

BOOKS
	Get your copy of my yoga routine “Ahhhhhh…Haaaaaa Moments with Ms. Cheevious” for as low as .99 cents!
	And coming soon ‘Getting Over Your Ovaries. How to Make ‘The Change of Life’ Your Bitch’! *DANCING DORKISHLY AROUND THE ROOM*
———————- GIFTS!
	Kindle Covers, VERY COOL Luggage Tags, iPhone 5 Covers, and MORE.
———————-
	Click the image & It will Add a Vote for us! Super EASY:

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Check out the Ms. Cheevious entire boutique on Zazzle:

Ms. Cheevious Grand Adventure

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Contact us

Happy Cinco de Nuggie aka Celebrate Your Loved Ones

May 5, 2013 by MsCheevious

Happy Cinco de Nuggie! aka Celebrate Your Loved Ones!

Today M.C. Nugget and I are celebrating his birthday. Perhaps you’ve heard of it. Every May 5th, all those who love Nuggie commune together to rejoice over his birthday… a tradition that has gone back… well…. decades.

So on this day when I’m running around like a chicken (pun intended) with my head cut off to ready the beach palace for a morning toast with friends, I’d like to remind you of a little something everyone should know about Cinco de Nuggie:

Contrary to Cinco de Nuggie’s counterpart Cinco de Mayo (only a counterpart because it is celebrated on the same day) — which commemorates the victory of the Mexican Militia over the French Army at The Battle Of Puebla, in the Franco-Mexican War of 1862… and though many confuse Cinco de Mayo to be Mexico’s Independence Day – it is not (that is on September 16th)… Cinco de Nuggie is a celebration of Independence. It commemorates the great “labor” dispute which took place in a hospital many years ago (not too many, mind you), when M.C. Nugget fought and was victorious in his Battle for In-Utero Independence. For this we all celebrate and are eternally grateful.

All kidding aside, I actually celebrate (the case could be made that I monumentalize) the birthdays… or any special days in my loved ones lives. These days in their lives are the few occasions that can stop time in my world. All work is shoved to the back burner, other commitments delayed or postponed. It’s because I love them TONS certainly, but the special days also provide me a vital creative outlet… and I mean vital as in “you better not try to take my ceremony or festive concoction away from me… I’ll cut you” vital. I think I’ve established in the first few paragraphs here just how “creative” I can be. My poor kids… think of their pain.

All that aside, Nuggie and I have a full, fun day of his design planned, actually. We’ll be toasting with friends, walking to brunch on Main Street in Santa Monica, and then carousing among the drunken strangers celebrating his rival holiday, Cinco de Mayo. He’s a team player however, so he’s donning a sombrero.

Have a beautiful day and week you lovely men and women. Remember: CELEBRATE your loved ones with fervor. They are what make our lives worth every single moment.

Love you people!!!! Mmmmmmpppphhhuuuhhh!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

aka Lisa Jey Davis

Editor in [Mis]Chief

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AND NOW FOR TONS OF LINKS

I WOULD APPRECIATE ANY HELP YOU CAN GIVE ON THESE! MWAH!!!

BOOKS

Get your copy of my yoga routine “Ahhhhhh…Haaaaaa Moments with Ms. Cheevious” for a buck-ninety-nine!

And coming soon ‘Getting Over Your Ovaries. How to Make ‘The Change of Life’ Your Bitch’! ***EXCITED***

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Ms. Cheevious Grand Adventure

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Vodka… I mean Laughter is the Best Medicine

April 28, 2013 by Suzie Aboueid

Great title for a Ms. Cheevious article, eh? When Ms. Suzie Aboueid, Single Dating Diva herself agreed to be a guest contributor here and I read her article which was all about the importance of laughter, and laughing at ourselves… well, I was sold. How does vodka fit in? Oh my darlings, vodka ALWAYS fits in. Read on.

All kidding (and vodka) aside, laughing truly is something I do more often than just about anything else. And that is no joke. Ask around and you’ll find that to many, laughter is synonymous with Ms. Cheevious. Enjoy.

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious, Editor in (Mis) Chief

——————–

Vodka… I mean Laughter is the Best Medicine

Life is full of challenges but it’s also full of so much beauty. Each day we are faced with experiences that can either make or ruin our day. We all know that, right?

Here’s an idea … what if we were to see everything that comes our way in a positive light? No, I haven’t had one too many glasses of wine or shots of vodka. I have given this a lot of thought, and I believe everything that happens to us, good or bad, ends up for our good one way or another. Not all lessons can be easy ones, can they? If we look at things positively – maybe even laugh more often with our friends and family – and at ourselves, our mistakes or missteps, then perhaps, just perhaps, every experience we have, good or bad, can turn into a positive one.

I’ll tell you why.

Laughter is Good For You!

Countless studies have been done to prove the benefits of laughter to human health. Laughing feels good and makes others around you feel good. It also helps heal you inside and out. Could laughter also be the long sought after fountain of youth? Well, when I saw an article about looking to children as role models for laughter it made me think twice. That same article mentioned that research has proven

“laughter reduces levels of stress hormones such as cortisol, epinephrine, and dopamine; increases health-enhancing hormones (such as endorphins), neurotransmitters, and infection-fighting antibodies; and improves blood flow to the heart–all resulting in greater relaxation and resistance to disease, as well as improved mood and positive outlook.”

Now that’s a great reason to laugh isn’t it?

Laughter Makes You More Attractive

Look at it this way, who do you gravitate towards? People who smile and laugh or the Eeyore’s of the world? Who wants to be around negative people? Not me! I know, I know, we all have THOSE kinds of days, and that’s completely OK, but, it’s not OK when we have them all the time. Make yourself more appealing by having a great sense of humor.

Go on, flash that sexy smile of yours!

C’mon, let’s see it!

I know it’s in there somewhere!

There you go! That wasn’t so hard was it??

I’m going to let you in on a little Single Dating Diva secret, if you’re single and dating this is one of the most important weapons in your dating arsenal (just make sure there’s nothing in your teeth!). It also benefits just about everyone… think job interviews, social situations, even family gatherings. You’ll become someone people want to be around when you laugh more. You not only show yourself to have a good sense of humor, you also give the impression that you don’t take yourself too seriously. So, go on, laugh dammit, laugh!

Laughing At Yourself

We’ve all had those days that just go all wrong. Think about those days when you walk into a pole, or trip and fall in front of the hottest man or woman… or your boss. How about when you drop your coffee on your new outfit and have to stay that way all day? I think we should take Jennifer Lawrence’s Oscar trip and her interview with reporters as an example. What did she do? Get back up, laugh at herself, not take herself seriously. How did people react? They LOVED it and her!! That whole situation could have gone completely differently with her being upset and angry and embarrassed. She could have taken it out on others as well and made others uncomfortable, but she didn’t. We all make mistakes, no one is perfect or beyond the challenges of every day life. How we take it and react to it makes all the difference in the world.

When life throws you a punch, get up, dust yourself off and say “good one” and laugh. Just laugh. When you make a mistake in front of others, say “oops sorry” and laugh it off. It will make them take it more lightly as well. You know what? Here’s another little secret, it makes you look like a more resilient person with a good head on your shoulders.

Laughter makes you feel good, laughter makes you look good and laughter improves your life. So, why don’t we do it more often? I have a challenge for you (and myself) – laugh every day at least 10 times a day – even if you don’t feel like it – laugh. Just laugh. Right now. C’mon, let’s do it together. Laugh … ha ha ha ha ….

There, that feels better already, doesn’t it? Good!

How do YOU bring laughter into your every day lives (even when you don’t feel like it)? I would love to hear from you in the comments!!

Your Sister in Dating (and Laughing) Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

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That’s it you gorgeous men & women. Now, please give Ms. Diva a ton of love in the form of comments, and I’ll see you next week with a yummy prize, and perhaps a video my lovers.

Love you people! Mmmmppphhhuuuhhh!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

Editor in [Mis]Chief

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Ms. Cheevious Grand Adventure

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Single Dating Diva is an award-winning blog from dating expert Suzie dedicated to single people everywhere! It showcases the many adventures she has (don’t we all?) and how challenging, but also exciting dating really is! She shares her dating stories as well as those of others. With experience comes wisdom and she also shares some lessons learned along the way helping others through her consulting service. WINNER of Best Overall Dating Blog and Named one of the 10 BEST Women’s Dating Experts! You can find her at http://singledatingdiva.com and make sure to follow her on Twitter @SingleDatingDiv and like her page on FaceBook.

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Stop Your ‘Splainin’ Lucy

Don’t Be Shy! Leave A Reply!

AND NOW FOR TONS OF LINKS

BOOKS

GIFTS!

I Thought I was a Glamor-Puss

Don’t Be Shy! Leave A Reply!

AND NOW FOR TONS OF LINKS

BOOKS

GIFTS!

A Little Birdie Told Me: Going to Bed Early Is Ultra Suspicious

Don’t Be Shy! Leave A Reply!

AND NOW FOR TONS OF LINKS

BOOKS

GIFTS!

Solving the World’s Problems Efficiently and in Style

Don’t Be Shy! Leave A Reply!

AND NOW FOR TONS OF LINKS

BOOKS

GIFTS!

Happy Cinco de Nuggie aka Celebrate Your Loved Ones

Happy Cinco de Nuggie! aka Celebrate Your Loved Ones!

Don’t Be Shy! Leave A Reply!

AND NOW FOR TONS OF LINKS

BOOKS

GIFTS!

Vodka… I mean Laughter is the Best Medicine

Vodka… I mean Laughter is the Best Medicine

The Funny (that’s the blog people)

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AND NOW FOR TONS OF LINKS

BOOKS

GIFTS!

AND NOW FOR TONS OF LINKS

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GIFTS!

AND NOW FOR TONS OF LINKS

BOOKS

GIFTS!

Happy Cinco de Nuggie! aka Celebrate Your Loved Ones!

AND NOW FOR TONS OF LINKS

BOOKS

GIFTS!

Vodka… I mean Laughter is the Best Medicine

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