Ms. Cheevious in Hollywood

My Zany Years Spent Working in Tinsel Town

BRCA2 Genetic Mutation

The Real Boob Tube

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It’s October, so I’ll throw caution to the wind and talk GORE with a spooky tale called “THE REAL BOOB TUBE.” Though this boob tube is truly bloody, scary, and horrifying, it has absolutely nothing to do with scary films or television. Oh, and you’re going to be singing the praises of my oldest offspring by the end of this article, mark my words. Let me explain.

As I write this, I’m preparing to undergo yet another surgery in the chain of surgeries I’ve had as a result of learning of my BRCA2+ genetic mutation. If you don’t know what a BRCA+ mutation is, please go here and read the article I wrote this past week for the Huffington Post. I’m sorry, I just don’t have an explanation in me right now. The way I feel, after sitting in front of the Big Screen for most of my weekend, tweeting about clients, posting about my upcoming book, writing more of said book and yes, sharing the HuffPost article and posting important messages about Breast Cancer Awareness month etc. etc. etc. infinitum, ad nauseum, I’m plain tired of talking about it.

Suffice it to say, I’ll be under general anesthesia this Wednesday, and I’ll be doing it SANS M.C. Nugget, who, wouldn’t you know, booked a couple of GREAT television gigs over the last couple of weeks. One of them takes him to HAWAII to film an episode of Hawaii Five-O while I’m being doped up and held at knife-point.  So, though I’m pretty happy for Nuggie, I’ll be over here, while he sips Mai Thais on Waikiki.

And it’ll be a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am kinda surgery. We aren’t living back in 1950, when hospitals were happy to keep you for weeks for things as minor as a tonsillectomy.  If I weren’t spending my first night at a very fancy after-care hotel, I’d be going home, left to my own devices. Yeah, since our lovely insurance companies don’t care to fork over the money to nurse us back to complete health before sending us packing, my older son will come to care for me.

Stop the presses. Yes, it’s true.  I’ll be chillin’ with my chillen’ who will care for me and my bandaged boobies through the rough patches after surgery (that is, after my first night in the very fancy after-care hotel).

Poor guy.

He’s in for a shock, because something most docs don’t tell us in “detail” in regard to surgery (but since it’s October and we’re talking bloody, gooky GORE, I’m here to help) is that often patients are sent home with “drains” (big looonng-ass tubes – aforementioned “Boob Tubes” — that empty out into little pop-open “fluid collection” receptacles). They’re there to allow me to continue oozing and goozing “fluids” to my heart’s content during the initial after-shock of surgery… all from the comfort of my own home.

They did it to me last year after my double mastectomy, and they’ll do it again this year.

I warned you. It’s going to be pure, unadulterated gore over here… a real Halloween Shriek-Fest. I haven’t really warned him yet (oops).

So, while you are all chillin’ in front of your boob tubes, my chillen‘ will be drainin’ my REAL BOOB TUBES.

Fun stuff.

Before You Go:

Please post on Facebook or tweet the below statement, in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month

SAVE.THE.BOOBIES. If your relatives suffered Ovarian or Breast cancer, GET THE GENETIC SCREENING. #BRCA #BreastCancerAwareness @MsCheevious

And if you’d like, feel free to share this image on your Facebook as well:


DISCLAIMER: We do not own the copyright to Holly Madison in the above picture.

Thanks everyone. Have a great week! I’ll write something super fun and Percocet-induced next time. Wait for it.

Love you people!!!! Mmmmppphhhuuuhhh!!!!

xoxo

Lisa Jey Davis

aka Ms. Cheevious

Editor in [Mis]Chief

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Other articles you may enjoy from Ms. Cheevious:

Why I’m Glad I’m a Woman – And You Should Be Too

I’m fairly confident I could write an equally flattering post on how wonderful it is to be a man; however I’m not one. It’s great to be a chick. (READ MORE)

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Where There’s a Will There’s A Way (Lisa Jey Davis Related 2 Minute Video)

Yes, you can do anything you put your mind to! In my case, it was to have my final surgery after my BRCA2 Double Mastectomy – which my insurance would not pay for. But it all worked out! You too can do ANYTHING you put your mind to! (Watch)

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All Blog content copyright 2012, LISA JEY DAVIS aka Ms. Cheevious

My Phantom Ovary

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There is something you should know before reading any further:  I had my ovaries and tubes taken out on January 6, 2012.

And I mean that literally.  You really SHOULD know this.  If you read my blogs with the stalker-like commitment I’ve come to know and love, and I’ve worked so hard to teach you, you’d KNOW I was having all these big procedures.

In any case, if you did NOT know, well, now you do. In a nutshell- I have the BRCA2 Genetic Mutation for Breast and Ovarian Cancer.  That’s some scary medical speak for “my [cancer] risk is bigger than your risk. So there.”

These “big procedures” were all proactive.  There was no stinkin’ cancer there.  But I’m not one to play against the odds.  I like to win.

Anyway – on to my story.

M.C. Nugget* and I were talking about this whole thing the day after my procedure (that would be the Saturday before last).  We discussed whether the hormone medications they prescribed seemed to be working, what were the pros and cons of medical pills vs. all natural, etc.  Then Nuggie said, “Well you seem like you’re in pretty good spirits…”  in a hopeful, sweet, timid  ‘I-hope-she-won’t-hurt-me’ tone (mwaahha ha haaaaa).

Let me back things up here a bit and remind you that I chose to split my various medical procedures up.  I opted to have a double mastectomy as well as my tubes and ovaries removed (you can read more in “I’m Too Sexy For My Genes“). I underwent the double mastectomy and reconstruction first.  The reason I did not opt to undergo both surgeries at once was because it was just before the holidays, and I wasn’t sure what to expect. What would the recovery be like, and more importantly, would I be a hormonal mess?  Would I be running around trying to get ready for the holidays, with my hair on fire? Would I suffer alternating bouts of uncontrollable laughter, to screaming… then weeping? (and we’re only talking about Nuggie here!)   So, I did myself and everyone else around me a favor by splitting them up.

Nuggie’s comment about my “good spirits” was in reference to our jokes about that.

We then had a witty little discourse that went something like this:

ME: You know, my sister Ice Tay* had a full hysterectomy, and I remember she use to still suffer the effects of PMS. I’m not sure if she still does.

NUGGIE: Really? Like mood swings and cramps and stuff?

ME: Yep.  So, you never know.  I could be all happy one minute, and then – BAM – It’s just like I never lost my ovaries. What is it that people who lose a limb suffer from?

NUGGIE: You mean Phantom Limb? (laughing)

ME:  Yeah! That’s it.  I might get Phantom Ovary, ya never know. So watch out.

We laughed of course — mostly at how funny we think we are.  But it was a good laugh, for sure.

Then, (and there is always a “then”) I woke up this morning with that familiar achy, lower back pain that would visit me now and then, pre-ovary removal.  OY.  Could it be??? Phantom Ovary!!! AHHHHHH!!!!

All I can say is, for the sake of all I know and love, I hope not — or — GOD HELP THEM.

That’s it my lovelies.  That’s all I got.  Have a lovely week!  Be sure to keep tuning in to youtube, and reading these posts, because Nuggie is preparing a video of our good times from 2012 – and with some NEVER BEFORE SEEN FOOTAGE!

Love you people!!!!! Mmmmppphhhuuuhhh!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

*For you newbies out there, Nuggie, aka M.C. Nugget, and Emcee Nugget, is my beau – also formerly known as Fred the Wonder Chicken or FWC.  Ice Tay is one of my sisters. I assign “aliases” to all of my friends and family, so their antics and embarrassing moments can remain anonymous.  I am the only person I know who doesn’t care if people know what I’ve been up to.

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All Blog content copyright 2011, LISA JEY DAVIS aka Ms. Cheevious