Ms. Cheevious in Hollywood

My Zany Years Spent Working in Tinsel Town

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Total Mischief

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TOTAL MISCHIEF

 

#DailyMischief

 

It’s what happens when you cross a fun-loving gal in headphones, listening to her favorite song, and a guy in just the right position!

I couldn’t let this one pass me by.

When I saw this on Facebook, I thought That is SO me.

I wouldn’t necessarily do this, now that I’m with M.C. Nugget, but you know? Maybe I would!

I searched high and low to share this with you.

LOVE THIS! You know, a little spanky never hurt nobody…. LOL! [you can tweet that here]

Enjoy.

Total Mischief - Woman randomly spanking man.

 

#MomFactor: A girl’s just gotta have fun and enjoy every moment. Just don’t let your kids see you do this. “Nuff said.

 

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Blog content copyright 2014, LISA JEY DAVIS a.k.a. Ms. Cheevious.

When Nuggie was my Cartman coach

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WHEN NUGGIE WAS MY CARTMAN COACH

 

#DailyMischief

 

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Do you guys watch Southpark? I love that show. It’s inane and it makes me laugh (on alternate days, it also makes me want to throw up, but meh… it’s a give and take). The other night I tried and failed miserably to impersonate Cartman (one of the show’s characters). As a matter of fact, I think it was the same night I told you guys about, when Nuggie and I were at happy hour and I thought I should try to put those Bassett Hounds on sets of long legs to see what kind of dogs they would resemble if they weren’t so short and waddle-y.

My impersonation of Cartman was so bad, even I was embarrassed. That’s huge.

M.C. Nugget gave me a pitiful look and laughed in my general direction. Then he graciously tried to teach me how to do a proper “Cartman.”

So there we were… Nuggie and I, strolling down Main Street in Santa Monica, while I tried to say “Paiiiiih” (that’s “pie” in Cartmanese).

I would love to have been a stranger walking behind us to hear our goofball, whacked out exchange that went something like this:

Paaaaiih

“Do THAT but with a higher pitched voice.”

Paaaaiih

“No, like this: Paaaaiih…”

Paaaaiih

“More nasal.”

Paaaaiih

“That’s it!”

This, THIS ladies and gentlemen is why Nuggie attended college, and studied acting and dramatic arts in London… so he could help me perfect my Cartman.

And boy is he GOOD.

You see? College is so important.

south park heaven

 

 

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Photo credit:
Joelstuff V4 / Foter / Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)

 

 

Future you is so mean

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FUTURE YOU IS SO MEAN

 

#DailyMischief

 

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Have you ever heard a guy cry out in pure exasperation “Chicks!”?

They do that – especially when we girls aren’t around. It’s because we females stupefy, dumbfound, confound, and baffle men (you can tweet that).

The only reason I know this is because M.C. Nugget and I say it ourselves about other chicks all the time. You can’t blame us (or – er – them – or – er – men).  Women come up with some of the quirkiest, zaniest things, most of the time for no good reason at all.

Nuggie doesn’t ever say it about me, though. The guy’s got it pretty good. He’s had hardly any chicky situations to deal with from me. I’ve probably got more testosterone than the average woman, which sort of makes me not quite understand “chicky” behavior either. Nuggie and I see eye to eye on this issue. This is where we are compadres.

But today was different.

It was as if the Big Guy upstairs needed a laugh and the heavens opened up so He could thwack me on the head with His magic wand (full of female juju). (That or it could have a little to do with another thing that’s going on in my body chemistry right now… I’ve alluded to this phenomena otherwise known as hormones (or lack thereof) in too many posts to count, but my most recent funny (or slightly scary) rant can be found here).

Nuggie and I were pleasantly going about our day. He was in the living room surrounded by and opening his mail, I was in the kitchen (about four strides away) making my lunch. It was a pleasant ordinary day until Nuggie said what I heard as either a slightly frustrated, or it could have been a somewhat satisfied sigh and “Paid the bills!”

I replied “How was it?” (because aren’t all bills painful? I wanted to be sure he was okay) and the rest went like this:

Nuggie: I don’t know.

Me: Huh?

Nuggie (slightly frustrated): I haven’t finished yet.

Me: What do you mean? What’d you say?

Nuggie (thoroughly confused now) and more loudly: I SAID I’M “PAYING THE BILLS!”

Me: OMG! I just heard “Paid the bills!”  *Laughing*

That’s scary!  If we’re THIS bad now, we’re in trouble! It’s gonna’ be like “EHHH? Sonny boy? What’s that? Pay for some thrills?” 

We both chuckled about that for a minute.

The fact that THIS is where our conversations go during the day while we’re supposed to be working has me a little more than concerned, but it didn’t end there.

As I thought about our future conversation and compared it to what just happened (with Nuggie getting slightly peeved) and I imagined the same thing with a crotchety Nuggie, I got my feelings hurt.

Yes… I, Ms. Cheevious, the one with far more testosterone than the average female who is unable to understand “chicky” nonsense, took our future conversation to the only possible conclusion – that of old geezer Nuggie grumbling and growling at me because CONFOUND IT, YOU SHOULD TURN UP YOUR HEARING AID!

old man grumbling ...

…and I GOT MY FEELINGS HURT.

 

I finally said out loud, “Honey! Future you is SO mean!!!“

 

You heard it here first. I went chicky. Just this once.

 

All together now:

“CHICKS!”

 

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Photo Credit:

Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike License  | Dietmar Temps / Flickr

 

I’m pretty gluten-ous

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I’M PRETTY GLUTEN-OUS

 

#DailyMischief #Health #Diet

 

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I’m sure you already know this, but for the last four weeks, M.C. Nugget and I have been GLUTEN-FREE. The #DailyNugget hilariously reflected Nuggie’s struggle to be totally gluten free (here and here). It was my idea and I am happy to take the blame – er – credit. The reason I wanted to do this was because I’d already been thinking long and hard about the inevitability of my going on the GAPS diet one day in my future (something that will completely restore the flora of my intestines to a naturally healthy state).

Don’t stop reading. It’s really a thing.

So, in an effort to sort of wax GAPS, without all the upheaval to my daily routine (because it’s a whole giant lifestyle change, with real deprivation and insanity), I posited a Gluten-Free Month to Nuggie. I knew if he were game, I could certainly do it, cuz’ PFFFF… I’d be stuck then. I can’t let him outdo me (or anyone I posit something to, for that matter).

Nuggie survived pretty well on the gluten-free train too (though he may argue the contrary). When he realized that BEER is UTTERLY, TOTALLY, AND COMPLETELY GLUTEN IN A GLASS – well, then it was all over. He wanted to take his ball and go home.

February 1st was our first GLUTEN-OUS day after 30-days on the diet. So, on Friday night, January 31st we went to our neighborhood coffee shop and picked up a red velvet cupcake for each of us to wake up to. I know. We’re so friggin’ cute! We made our first day of being GLUTEN-Y a thing.

But hang on, because there is more.

I actually feel lighter. I look lighter. I feel more energetic, and guess what? Being gluten-free was NOT that hard. I rather enjoyed it.

… though, I must admit, I do love my bread. And I mean I LOVE MY BREAD.

So, then I had this dream….

No I'm NOT licking the bread! #GlutenFree

If you cannot see the video box above, you simply MUST click this link and watch this video, because M.C. Nugget’s camera skills and direction are UNMATCHED! http://youtu.be/md7CzNweoGY

Now let’s recap so you all remember this is a #HEALTH post:

After one month of being Gluten Free

1) I feel lighter

2) I look lighter

3) I feel more energetic

4) Being Gluten-Free was NOT that hard.

I highly recommend at least trying it. Then send me your dreamy video, would you?

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When this goes it’s all over

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Yesterday I went into the bathroom and almost peed through my cute little undies.  This was not a move of desperation, like oh my god, I gotta go so bad, I’m gonna’ pee my pants. No, I simply forgot to drop my drawers.

Thank god I realized what was happening before I embarrassed myself, but this thing got me thinking.

First, I thought Damn hormones… so this is what it means when it says hormone replacement therapy can cause dementia? That’s it. I’m going off hormones, even if it means I’ll be a shriveled up old lady before I’m fifty. 

But wait, there’s more. Though most times it’s the lack of hormones that causes weigh gain in women, hormones are also partly to blame for fighting my every effort to stay fit, lean and GOH-JUSS. Stupid, bi-polar hormones. And when I say fight, I mean they fight me like a bulldog that has a hold of a chunk of steak. You gotta surgically remove the steak from that dog’s mouth.

Like that.

And yes, pun intended. I have seriously considered lipo.

So, BONUS. Without hormones, I’d be a skinny, shriveled prune before I’m fifty.

As I pondered what was (or wasn’t) going on in my mind when I almost peed my panties, I had an epiphany.

There are a boatload of stories that have been played out in movies, on television and in books of elderly people who forget where they are or can’t find their way home. These are the stories of people with dementia, and I thought, IT’S JUST LIKE THAT. 

Going to the bathroom is something so familiar we don’t have to “think” about it. It comes by ROTE, as does driving home, remembering our phone number or ATM pin.

 

I said to Nuggie “You know I’ve enjoyed our time together. So as long as you don’t mind when I become a skinny wrinkly mess, we’re good. Because when my ROTE goes, it’s all over.”

I was pretty damn proud of my discovery too. GOD I am good. I wonder if neuro or geriatric surgeons realize this? I know they talk about short term memory loss, but have they really analyzed this shit? Have they factored in the ROTE?

What about the ROTE FACTOR?

ROTE you guys! I can’t live without that at such a young age!

Then I realized how utterly Lucille Ball-esque this situation was. So what if I sat down on the toilet and almost peed through my lacey thong? It’s not the first time I’ve done something and reminded myself of the brilliant redheaded comedienne in the sky (minus the brilliant and of course, the sky part). She would totally be all over this piece of work if she were still living today. Maybe not the peeing part, but the FUNNY, people. The funny.

So I decided to give this hormone replacement therapy thing a while to find its sea legs. But I won’t let it go on forever, that’s for damn sure. Because you guys, if I go out of the house naked one day, you’ll be responsible for taking care of me.

You’re good with that, right?

alzheimers