Ms. Cheevious in Hollywood

My Zany Years Spent Working in Tinsel Town

Ms. Cheevious

I’ve got better things to do

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I’ve got better things to do

 

Remember the time I told you that my version of a perfect world would call for the immediate and total annihilation and extinction of every living bug and creepy crawly insect in our universe? Well, my ongoing battle with the bug and insect kingdom has been covered here ad nauseum, infinitum. So hows about another topic?

I’ve since changed my entire position on my increased tensions with the bug world. It’s not that the bugs and I actually like each other or get along now, GOD no. And no, we did not elicit help from our Congressional leaders in an effort to cool the tensions. Hell no. Our Congressional leaders are far too busy with more important matters like shutting down our government and stuff.

No, I still loathe the little beasts. But I did realize that if we don’t do something about the bees that are dying in droves on planet earth, we may witness an apocalyptic-like scenario never before seen. Besides, those creepy crawlers and flying pests have made it absolutely clear they’ll follow me to the ends of the earth. The little pests are constantly doing things to annoy me while everyone keeps saying how they’re doing so much GOOD (like pollinating and eating trash and other things). I always protested (to put it mildly), because someone had to cry foul.

But in an effort to preserve the human race (because… save the bees), I’ve decided to let bygones be bygones.  And you guys… this is no small task! We’re talking years of tension! I can clearly recall numerous times I’ve been doing my thing, walking down the block (for example), only to have a bee buzz its way up my nose or into my ear (have I said this before?). I’ve knocked children, tricycles, trees, and the occasional senior citizen down while running, screaming, arms flailing around trying to escape or SMASH the pests to smithereens.

But I have decided that in every new similar situation that arises, I will try to access (from deep within my memory banks) the instructions my dear mother fed me repeatedly while growing up. Instructions for how to deal with bullies:

“Ignore them.”

Do you understand how hard that is for someone like me? Listen. Every single time some freaking idiot kid did something horrific like take my Troll doll and smear it through dog poop in the yard, and my mom said “Just ignore them,” I was the kid who decked the psycho, and then followed her advice….

But I now realize change must come.

I believe with deep resolution that my dear mom’s approach is the best possible option, since my kingdom and the kingdom of the little beasts must dwell together.

So I’d like to seize this moment while tensions are high and everyone is frantically searching for a solution, to let you know just how I plan to be the bigger – um – person.

While the bugs may continue to run around looking for ways to bite me or nip at my delectable skin, I’ll be waxing my very best Meh – and – And you are??? While I’m doing THIS:

Kicking Ass and Taking Names
Kicking Ass and Taking Names. Yep. I have better things to do.

 

SUCK IT bugs.  I mean….

Can’t we all just get along? Because, LORD knows I’ve got better things to do.

Allegory intended.

 

 

This could work in your favor

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This could work in your favor

 

I’m jet-lagged, wine sopped, bread clogged and totally time-zone screwy. I returned from Houston late last night, but am still recovering. I need some help. Even though I indulged in whatever was put in front of me in Houston, I’m eating all carbs all the time just to be able to stay awake! If I’m not careful, before the day is done, I’ll be one big giant JABBA-JIGGLE. This could get ugly. To top it off, I received a box looking just like this filled with decadent, delicious chocolates today.

Sucre_Chocolate

Here’s how this could work for you, though. BEFORE I received this box of yumminess, the great folks at SUCRE CHOCOLATES reached out asking if they could send chocolates to one of YOU, my lovely readers.

My immediate response was, “Shhh-NO! Don’t you people know that my life’s mantra is anything is better with a little chocolate, or vodka, or both?” I let them know I would have to “sample” these supposedly great chocolates, before imposing them on one of you.

So to hell with my jabba-worries. It’s time to JABBA-INDULGE people.

Soon, I’ll offer one of you gorgeous “commenting” readers a chance to win a box all to yourself! It won’t be long… I’ll be over here in my corner conducting my chocolate experiment and JIGGLING up. I’ll let you know how Sucre fares. Then watch for the little contest of YUMMINESS.

 

Meeting your love match this fall may require some work

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And THIS right here may be your ticket ===>  matchlogo_grad

 

When my divorce was finally FINAL after a couple of years of separation and negotiations with my ex, I had already been dipping my toe into the dating world pool. Shhhh… don’t tell anyone.

In fact, I couldn’t wait for my divorce to be final at the time, because suddenly I was confronted with the wonderful world of other guys who were actually, really and truly interested and attracted to ME (go FIGURE).

As much as I had no idea what was in store for my world sans my significant other, I also knew moving forward without a ROCKIN’ social life was never going to be an option. My choices were obvious: dig in and let some new people in, or die. And you guys, I am NOT now, nor have I ever been into dying.

 

And here is one of those annoying little unavoidables we divorced mommies and daddies must face:

 

meeting a LOVE MATCH may actually require some work – no matter what a “love match” means to you.

 

Never being afraid of work, I was one of the first in my circle of single girlfriends to dive into online dating. I’ll never forget the weekend I set up my first-ever profile on MATCH. I spent a good part of the afternoon crafting a witty and informative profile, adding some fun photos. I knew I wanted to meet men, but I wasn’t interested in a relationship (I’d just gotten out of one I hadn’t liked so much). I stated that little fact loud and clear at the top of my profile. About an hour later my inbox bulged with hundreds of messages from men also not wanting a relationship. Again, go FIGURE. But really, I wanted to meet new people, I made known what I was looking for and it WORKED.

I later rethought my goals and tweaked my profile (after filling my social calendar with a few too many guys I couldn’t keep track of, and after growing tired of coffee).

Whitney Casey Interview

I admit, it took some work to set up, but the part of the work I hadn’t thought of was getting into the dating part of it. You know… you gotta actually GO on a date if you want to meet your Mr. or Ms. Right some day? Go FIGURE.

And that is how Whitney Casey, Relationship Expert with Match.com puts it too… Yep. I brought in the big guns. In conjunction with a fall promotion Match.com is doing for Single Parents, they agreed to allow me to interview Whitney for you lovely people.

Something that I learned in talking to these great folks is that Single Parents who use online dating sites have 2x’s the dating success than those who don’t date online. So although you may feel like it’s all smarm and that no good can come of diving into online dating, the odds you are right and that is true DO NOT ADD UP. This means, if you’re a single parent wanting to meet someone special, the time is ripe (and so is the fruit in my experience… just sayin). I also found out that you won’t be alone if you choose to dive in. Over a third of the members on Match.com are single parents! And you’ll find out some cool things about what people looking for love think about dating single parents in my interview below.

The point is, it is about damn time to get back in the saddle ladies and gentlemen. The dates aren’t going to happen on their own.

But WATCH this quick video interview I did with Whitney, because I asked her all of. the questions you’ll BOTH want to know the answers to (guys and gals)… all about what to say (and not) on your first date, how to create a rockin’ profile, and a couple of other great tips!

WATCH IT NOW:

If for some reason your browser does not display the video box above, click here to view the fun and informative interview.

This post has been graciously sponsored by match.com because match.com is helping single parents find their love match this fall.  Get over there to sign up and get back in the saddle again you hot-hot-hottie mchottlesteins. 

 

That time when ignorance really was bliss

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Two days ago I was driving with Nuggie and the radio was playing a familiar song by Lifehouse called “Hanging by a Moment.”

I was singing along, when I experienced a rare moment in drive-time singing: that instant when you pay attention and realize you are and always have been singing the wrong lyrics.

I sang this:

“I’m falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I’ve held on to
I’m standing here until you make me blue…“

you know, because, the guy wasn’t going anywhere until the girl he loved paid attention to him. Even if it meant turning blue. I laughed and realized how I had imagined the guy was holding his breath, waiting desperately for someone, and somehow I crossed metaphors in my singing. You know those stubbornness, hanging on by a thread, holding your breath til you turn blue, and not being willing to move until someone makes you metaphors? Yeah, those.

How amazingly complex and artistically intricate the brain can be that I was able to mix metaphors into something that actually rhymed, right?!

Yeah, that’s it. It was my brilliance that made me sing about a guy turning blue from standing around.

But that’s not the worst of it. I’ve long been a vocalist. You may not know this about me but I attended college on a scholarship for my voice. So I have a special respect for singing and music, in general. But I love it as well, and when given the opportunity, I often indulge.

When I realized as I drove along the road, somewhat abruptly that my lyrics all these years had been wrong, I somehow was transported to a barbecue a few years back hosted by a friend of ours. Our friend the host’s band was performing, which of course meant I would be joining them, no matter how much I’d had to drink.

I remember telling our friend I absolutely loved “(fill in the blank)” band and had sung all of their songs in high school.

So, while I was up there with THE BAND getting ready TO SING unbeknownst to me the video was rolling. The band started to play, and I started to sing. Only, shockingly what came out were indecipherable lyrics, because — you guessed it: I couldn’t remember the lyrics. So, though my memory is foggy, it went something like this: “Yeahhhhhh… uhhhhnnnn… hnnnnnn… love youuuuuu…”

You get the picture. It was a prime example of my brilliance at work. The best of the worst part? One of my best girlfriends couldn’t make the party while we were there, but arrived a while later. She reported with a teasing grin that she’d had the fantastic pleasure of watching the video of my moment on stage.

Ah, the glory, the lights.

With that I’ll leave you with a video of the song that started this post, and a complete and full admission that I’m much more suited to writing professionally. Because singing should be left to people like this.

But I must admit. When I thought I knew the lyrics to that Lifehouse song, and I sang it happily. Those were the days. That was when ignorance really was bliss.

Lifehouse

 

I know. Yes. They’re hot. Enjoy.