Phantom Limb

There is something you should know before reading any further: I had my ovaries and tubes taken out on January 6, 2012.

And I mean that literally. You really SHOULD know this. If you read my blogs with the stalker-like commitment I’ve come to know and love, and I’ve worked so hard to teach you, you’d KNOW I was having all these big procedures.

In any case, if you did NOT know, well, now you do. In a nutshell- I have the BRCA2 Genetic Mutation for Breast and Ovarian Cancer. That’s some scary medical speak for “my [cancer] risk is bigger than your risk. So there.”

These “big procedures” were all proactive. There was no stinkin’ cancer there. But I’m not one to play against the odds. I like to win.

Anyway – on to my story.

M.C. Nugget* and I were talking about this whole thing the day after my procedure (that would be the Saturday before last). We discussed whether the hormone medications they prescribed seemed to be working, what were the pros and cons of medical pills vs. all natural, etc. Then Nuggie said, “Well you seem like you’re in pretty good spirits…” in a hopeful, sweet, timid ‘I-hope-she-won’t-hurt-me’ tone (mwaahha ha haaaaa).

Let me back things up here a bit and remind you that I chose to split my various medical procedures up. I opted to have a double mastectomy as well as my tubes and ovaries removed (you can read more in “I’m Too Sexy For My Genes“). I underwent the double mastectomy and reconstruction first. The reason I did not opt to undergo both surgeries at once was because it was just before the holidays, and I wasn’t sure what to expect. What would the recovery be like, and more importantly, would I be a hormonal mess? Would I be running around trying to get ready for the holidays, with my hair on fire? Would I suffer alternating bouts of uncontrollable laughter, to screaming… then weeping? (and we’re only talking about Nuggie here!) So, I did myself and everyone else around me a favor by splitting them up.

Nuggie’s comment about my “good spirits” was in reference to our jokes about that.

We then had a witty little discourse that went something like this:

ME: You know, my sister Ice Tay* had a full hysterectomy, and I remember she use to still suffer the effects of PMS. I’m not sure if she still does.

NUGGIE: Really? Like mood swings and cramps and stuff?

ME: Yep. So, you never know. I could be all happy one minute, and then – BAM – It’s just like I never lost my ovaries. What is it that people who lose a limb suffer from?

NUGGIE: You mean Phantom Limb? (laughing)

ME: Yeah! That’s it. I might get Phantom Ovary, ya never know. So watch out.

We laughed of course — mostly at how funny we think we are. But it was a good laugh, for sure.

Then, (and there is always a “then”) I woke up this morning with that familiar achy, lower back pain that would visit me now and then, pre-ovary removal. OY. Could it be??? Phantom Ovary!!! AHHHHHH!!!!

All I can say is, for the sake of all I know and love, I hope not — or — GOD HELP THEM.

That’s it my lovelies. That’s all I got. Have a lovely week! Be sure to keep tuning in to youtube, and reading these posts, because Nuggie is preparing a video of our good times from 2012 – and with some NEVER BEFORE SEEN FOOTAGE!

Love you people!!!!! Mmmmppphhhuuuhhh!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

*For you newbies out there, Nuggie, aka M.C. Nugget, and Emcee Nugget, is my beau – also formerly known as Fred the Wonder Chicken or FWC. Ice Tay is one of my sisters. I assign “aliases” to all of my friends and family, so their antics and embarrassing moments can remain anonymous. I am the only person I know who doesn’t care if people know what I’ve been up to.

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