Ms. Cheevious in Hollywood

My Zany Years Spent Working in Tinsel Town

Sheer Utter Silliness

In a Perfect World

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I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “In a Perfect World.”

People use the saying sarcastically, or half in jest, but I’ve thought about it at length, and I’ve determined what would make my world perfect. If one has a true sense of who I am, it would be easy to assume my perfect world would consist of things like world peace, no hunger, no poverty, or maybe the discovery of the fountain of youth (now THAT one could run a close second). But no, my perfect world would be a world without bugs. And by “bugs” I mean insects, arachnids, or any creepy variety of creature similar to that, for which I do not know their scientific name, in general.

Let’s think about this, really.  No disrespect intended to the great powers that placed us on this clod of dirt floating through space, but, assuming there was “design” involved in all of this – I have to ask the question: Why bugs? If I were starting this whole concept over from scratch I think I’d have to bring in the focus groups and devise a way to get rid of the whole pollination/bug interaction thing.  There would be no bugs. Period.

No longer would I walk out my door on one of the few hundred sunny days per year in Southern California and be forced to cross the street to get away from a pesky horse fly or bee who has mistaken me for a flower and flown into my ear, up my nose or into my mouth as I’m speaking. Never again would I be the person invited to an outdoor gathering, and to everyone else’s delight, seem to be the only one the spiders, bees, ants, or any other bug are attracted to. I’ve actually been told that if I come to an outdoor party, they don’t have to worry about bug-repellent.

That’s it. No bugs. True bliss.

Don’t hate me. I’m only delivering the truth. Just see for yourself.

This is a water bug of some sort. Are those EGGS on his back? EWWWW

a421_waterbug

This one looks like some kind of thing I’ve seen on Family Guy or something. Blech.

dewey insects of poland 5

Look at the bulgy red eyes on this one. And what kind of teeth are THOSE? ICK.

Large Fly Head - Opo Terser

This guy looks like he just might creep into my nightmare one night. Look at those mean, evil ass eyes. OH.MY.GOD.

UGLY-BUG-15163

Here is a female horsefly. I really do NOT want to know where her legs have been.

horse_fly_bibef

And this guy… Well, okay. He’s kinda cute….

Spiny

I rest my case. Just sayin’.  Bug free would be pretty close to perfect.

And with that, I will bid you adieu for the week, my lovelies. Stay safe, and steer clear of the ugly bugs.

Love you people!!!! Mmmmppphhhuuuhhh!!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

aka Lisa Jey Davis

Editor in [Mis] Chief

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Things We Enjoyed This Week: Mutterings

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When thinking about the Things We Enjoyed This Week and Mutterings… well it occurred to me:  I don’t really get writer’s block. Here’s how my lack of writer’s block relates to a post about mutterings:

I’ve heard rumor of writers I know being paralyzed by writer’s block. But I get more of “writer’s overload.” I have too many things I want to say, far too often. So, as I began to contemplate what to say for another Things We Enjoyed This Week post, well, I was stuck. I suppose one could say this is writer’s block… but really, I had so much I could share, I was overwhelmed! The “stuck” part came when determining which (if any) of them would be a fit for a post Ms. Cheevious. That was a quagmire. I’ve had some really amazing things going on this week, and over recent weeks, not least of which is the publishing of my book “Ahhhhhh … Haaaaaa Moments with Ms. Cheevious” for Kindle (please feel free to click that link and “like” my book on Amazon, if nothing else)! But also, I’ve taken on a cool new client who is opening a 1920’s themed night club, I  enjoyed football even though my Patriots lost, I saw some fantastic and laugh-so-hard-I-cried comedy…  I saw two great flicks, other people I know enjoyed other films… and it goes on and on!

There was chatter online and around me about many things, and I enjoyed reading or hearing it all, but nothing was really striking me… until today.

I was perusing my social media accounts and one of my Twitter friends Jason Ramsey, who is pretty great about sharing my news when it’s important, posted a tweet which struck me. It looked like it may be a blog post, and I wasn’t clear whether he wrote it or not, but it made me click. Here is the tweet:

JasonRamseyTweetImage

I think I clicked the tweet, because I wanted to know if Jason wrote a post and then, perhaps I would share it in return for all his tweets and retweets on my behalf.   I was immediately taken to another blogger’s (not Jason’s) site, who was obviously another benefactor of Jason’s. The blog is Melissa Say What?. The post is called Unconscious Mutterings. She shared a free association word game. You see a word, and respond with the first thing that pops into your head.

Unconscious Mutterings Post Image

 

This was IT! I loved this! And here, my lovelies is what sums up the Things We Enjoyed This Week: Mutterings….

Sometimes, when we are wholly and completely CLUTTERED with way too much stimulus, all you can do is MUTTER…  And it takes something as simple as a word-association game to clear the mind of all the clutter. That or, it’s just my brain that is too freakin’ cluttered, and it took a mindless word game to make me giggle… and yes, I should probably be committed.  But you know, this little word game could help you today. I’m not sure how or why, but I’m pretty confident of that fact. So, I’m sharing it here for you as well.  Feel free to copy/paste and share this (and your own word-associations) … and if you want to tell people where you saw it, well fabulous…  Here is my version:

  1. Offered :: Gave
  2. Center :: Core
  3. Benefit :: Gift
  4. Yay! :: YAY!
  5. Wonderful :: Pleasant
  6. Currently :: NOW
  7. Resignation :: Regret (don’t ask me why)
  8. Testing :: Struggles
  9. Strangely :: Oddly
  10. Clinic :: Lab

Love you people!!!! Mmmmppphhhuuuhhh!!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

aka Lisa Jey Davis

Editor in [Mis] Chief

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All Blog content copyright 2012, LISA JEY DAVIS aka Ms. Cheevious

Now That We Snuck By the Apocalypse

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Since the world did not end and we snuck by the Apocalypse on December 21, 2012… AND since planet earth is now safe (yeah right) and sound (yeah right), I’ve got a brilliant idea: Let’s all go back to grieving the loss of Pluto.

Photo credit: http://www.isrealli.org/international-team-discovers-seven-new-planets-outside-our-solar-system/planets/

No?

Well, I’ll have you know, though I dragged my feet through drying concrete to do some things in the event the Mayan’s were right (Who knew? Apparently now someone found aNOTHER calendar, and yes, there is a new end of planet Earth in sight, but we’ll be long gone before that ending…), I worked diligently toward the following (and… SHEESH… oKAY. I’ll continue to do these things. Twist my arm.):

… I taught my two sons to respect women, and all humans… to be mindful of how their actions effect others, come hell or high water… or my wrath
… I made a few people laugh, (and laughed right along with them) which took me to a happy place many times
… I THINK I helped others see the importance of loving, truly living, and thinking outside of the box in all matters big and small (but showed them the small stuff is SO not worth sweating)
… I loved my family and did what I could to be a great mother, daughter, sister, aunt and more to everyone I’m connected to
… I lived a spiritual life, and realized there is more going on in this great universe then a chain of events caused by accident
… I traveled to a few of the beautiful and exotic places on my list
… I experienced some of the greatest times in work and play, and was given opportunities many only dream about

but most of all…


… I enjoyed every single moment of my life – Cinnabons or monkey bread (in a pinch), Jameson Irish Whiskey, Chocolate and Vodka (and since that list makes me feel way too sweet, I’ll throw in some enchiladas) all my cohorts

Of course, now that there IS no Apocalypse, my list seems a little morose, to say the least. It’s like I died or something. But I DIDN’T, which is cool, because it means I’ll just go on living my glorious life as usual. Gotta love that.

It’s been fun talking in what-ifs everyone! Now (munch munch… glug glug)… it’s down the hatch! Onward and upward toward the next millennia… BRING IT 2013!

Have a wonderful week. I can’t WAIT for the upcoming holidays. I’m like a kid in a candy store with Christmas. My plans are all set, and they’re gonna’ be grand, though they’ll be sans my two boys (sniff sniff). Be safe out there, and don’t let the crazies get the best of you. Spread a little sunshine, mixed with brash, balls out “funny,” and Enjoy Every Moment!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

Editor in (Mis) Chief

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Things We Enjoyed This Week: Tech Talk iPhone 5 on SNL

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I’m revealing way too much about my age for my own good by saying this, but I actually remember the days of Saturday Night Live with Chevy Chase, Gilda Radner, John Belushi, Steve Martin and so many other comedic greats. I was young and impressionable, but god were they laugh-out-loud, pee-your-pants funny. I’ve always held to the belief that few casts since have matched the “funny” of that first group. Of course, there are obvious exceptions to that, and SNL has managed to maintain its seat at the throne of comedy for decades with some off-the-charts hilarious sketches. My dear friend from Bad Online Dates is an internet geek, and told me about this sketch she saw last weekend. She so graciously shared the link, and I have to say it is one of the BEST skits in a LONG time from SNL! It’s intelligent humor at its best. It KILLED both me and M.C. Nugget. And I don’t say that lightly. Rarely does something make me laugh so hard that I die, but this one did. Someone resuscitate me now.

Enjoy it as we did, but be ready with the defibrillator:

In the event the embedded video (above) does not display – even after you have refreshed your browser, I’ve provided an image of the video below which links directly to it. Feel free to click below if you can’t make the widget above work, but come back to click the links to some of the other great sketches I’ve provided here as well.

Tech Talk: iPhone 5 by Saturday Night Live (SNL)

Hey, as much of an old-school SNL girl I like to believe I am, that video ranks way up there.

As far as old-school, if you have ever heard someone say “We’re just some Wild & Crazy Guys?” but didn’t know it came from an iconic SNL sketch, then click here to check it out. If you’ve never heard the saying before in your life, well, I’m sorry. You can leave, after you crawl out from under your rock.

And if you haven’t seen these more recent skits, it’s about damn time… you will DEFINITELY need the defibrillator for at least one of these:  Dick in a Box and Schweddy Balls. And of course, if you have ever known anyone from Southern Californian, then you know they’ve NAILED it with their sketch The Californians.

Stay tuned for more of the Things We Enjoyed This Week, and perhaps something entirely different.

Enjoy Every Moment, you lovely ladies and gentlemen.

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

Editor in (Mis) Chief

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All Blog content copyright 2012, LISA JEY DAVIS aka Ms. Cheevious

I’m Thankful I’m Here to Write For You

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Please accept my apology for this post in advance.

I just spent the last few minutes perusing the internet. In those few moments I bounced from badly written article to uninteresting (and badly written) blog post. Basically, I wasted the past few moments.

Sigh.

I suppose it’s not a total waste. Perhaps there is a slight glimmer of hope in the very fact that people are still writing. I should be thankful for that.

But I am not.

I’ve scanned the entire canvas of my soul to determine what has become of the person who looked at the bright side of every story, of every dilemma, but I’m just plain tired (Is this a recurring theme in my posts of late, and a sign it’s quite simply just time for a good, long nap?). I don’t want to have to work to see the good in articles and posts I read. And I certainly don’t want to have to use a protractor and my miniscule knowledge of calculus to connect the dots in the story. I want those damn dots to jump up and sing to me.

So – here is my earth-shattering Thanksgiving post:

I’m thankful I’m here to write for you. As egotistical and self-serving as it sounds, I’m sorry, but it’s true.  I worked long and hard through my schooling (both private and public) to actually learn this beautiful, if not perplexing language of English. I learned to conjugate verbs, spell and utilize commas appropriately. I memorized the differences between homonyms like your and you’re, their, there and they’re, and I diagrammed sentences until I was literally dreaming about them.  I paid my dues and it stuck. I couldn’t properly diagram a sentence today if you paid me… not without a refresher course… but I learned how to put sentences together and what made them good, strong sentences… which is all that matters now.

So when I read something, anything, and the message is lost amid butchered language (slang and obvious artistic license aside) it makes me sad. Scratch that. It pisses me off.

So, I’m glad I’m here to write for you people… even if only five people actually take the time to read the words here on this page. If it ignites a fiery passion and encourages only one of those five to choose this wondrous medium from which to communicate their story… their adventure… well then it’s well worth it. Perhaps that person will go on to write posts whose dots sing and dance on the page. Perhaps those waltzing dots will inspire more, and a cycle of great writing will begin anew for upcoming generations.

Listen. I am not here to say that great writers of today are extinct. I’m here to say I’m tired of coming upon horrible writing, and from trusted sources, websites and magazine. It’s just enough to make me take my ball and go home.

Someone help me! If this keeps up, my skepticism and disillusionment over bad writing is sure to progress into skepticism and disillusionment over all of human-kind… and do you know what that means?  I may be in danger of becoming a ….

SCROOGE.

It’s about damn time too, after all my years of being Emily English Expert and Little Miss F*^#KIN’ Sunshine about it.

Dammit!  You see?  It’s already happening.

If I’m not careful I may RECEIVE some of my own HUMBUG SCHMUMBUG items from my store (it seems eons ago that I painted this… though it was just a few weeks ago):

http://www.cafepress.com/mscheevious/9503518

I’ve only provided the link above, in the event you feel that purchasing something from the Humbug Schmumbug shop might improve my mood or turn things around for me. It might.

Feel free to also send me links to worthy articles, but please be sure they’re written exceedingly abundantly well. I’m like a freaking fairy. If you believe in me you will send me great articles, and I will live. Otherwise, I’ll die a slow painful death.

That’s it. I’m done.

You may go about your business.

Have a great week everyone!

Love you people!  Mmmmphhhuuuhhh!!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

Editor in [Mis}Chief

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All Blog content copyright 2012, LISA JEY DAVIS aka Ms. Cheevious

Presents, Even If You Don’t Want Them

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One of the things I dislike most about the internet (and there isn’t a whole lot, because I love to engage with people this way. When done well, it’s so f-ing cool), is when websites squander too much of my time on a whole lotta nothin’. I dislike it even more when that “nothing” has even less to do with the title of the piece.

If your title is somewhat elusive, or a non sequitur like “Parenthood: A Panic Disorder” make the content interesting and clever, would ya?  I simply loved learning that the “Panic” (in said favorite blog post) came from the fact that the recent time change handed the writer’s young child six hits of acid and said to her,

listen, you’re going to want to take all of these at the same time. Don’t worry about hiding it from your mother. When you start to see the purple dancing elephants, chase them through the house. Narrate everything out loud*.

That’s what I’m talking about.

This comes to mind now, because I was looking around the internet at some of my lovey girls‘ websites, when I came upon a “Holiday Gift Guide.”  Aside from this little “reminder” annoying me (and aside from the fact it is not yet Thanksgiving), it caused the ever so slightest heart palpitation in me.

The real stress came from facing my need to buy presents square in the face…

Presents, that is, for MC Nugget, my two boys and several other people I apparently care enough about to spend money on. More than that, this Holiday Buying Guide just seemed way too freaking early (sigh… it’s not. I’m just not ready to be on that “page” right now).

But after the stress wore off, my initial thought was, hey… maybe I’ll do a buying guide. I could offer the very cool Ms. Cheevious Luggage Tags (hint: they’re in the side bar on the website) and my very own “Humbug Schmumbug, I Want Presents” Line of Tee Shirts, coffee mugs and more (my über talented sister Par-Tay took my painting & created an incredible design), well HELL,  I’d be in business!


These are the tags, in case you are curious.

But no. You see, when I started writing this, I had the luggage tags and tee shirts. That’s TWO products. And two frigging products maketh no buying “guide.” Two products is more of a buying “suggestion” or buying “nudge.”

Okay, so forget the fact that the very next day … after I began writing this, my fabulous sister and I buckled down and now have a full-fledged Humbug SHOP up and running, but still… It’s just not a guide, per se.

After I watched as several other nutty ideas for a “guide” swirled around my skull for a few moments (“Girls Want Presents” and “The Buying Guide of Stuff Girls Want” just two of the brilliant moments) I made a decision.

I will not do it.  Nope. I won’t subject you to any undo stress, heartaches, freak-outs or fainting spells.

But you must know this:  “It” is coming. Oh yes it is. The clock will not stop for you… and we now know what that time change is capable of…

Whether you celebrate Deepavali (day of love and light, which already happened), Quanza, Chanukah, Christmas or Joe’s Crab Tasting, there are probably presents involved – even if you don’t want them to be (notice the emphasis and red font, which categorically relieves me of my title-of-post tie-in responsibility?).

It’s time to grow up and get responsible kiddies.  Yep… You must ALLOW the idea of PRESENTS to enter your brain, even if you don’t want them there (yes… again).

And with that… I’m leaving you with —- wait for it — a CHRISTMAS song. Shameless and sacrilegious as it is before Thanksgiving. I apparently do want to subject you to slow suffering and pain, while you face your present-buying demons head-on. What’re you going to do? Not buy me a present? Well that’s a little harsh. It’s a Muppets song. Anyone can forgive the Muppets.

If you’re seeing this in your email, click here to listen/watch on Youtube. Just do it.

That’s it for now, my lovelies.  If at all possible, I will post a very special edition Thanksgiving post. Wait for it.

Love you people!!!!! Mmmmpppphhhuuuhhh!!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

Editor in [Mis]Chief

* Excerpted directly from Dooce, the blog. Love it.

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Have a question that is burning a hole in your brain about Ms. Cheevious…anything she does, her work, the book…life in general… or you want advice about a very important matter – go to our contact page & ASK AWAY.

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All Blog content copyright 2012, LISA JEY DAVIS aka Ms. Cheevious