Ms. Cheevious in Hollywood

My Zany Years Spent Working in Tinsel Town

Ms. Cheevious

In a Perfect World

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I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “In a Perfect World.”

People use the saying sarcastically, or half in jest, but I’ve thought about it at length, and I’ve determined what would make my world perfect. If one has a true sense of who I am, it would be easy to assume my perfect world would consist of things like world peace, no hunger, no poverty, or maybe the discovery of the fountain of youth (now THAT one could run a close second). But no, my perfect world would be a world without bugs. And by “bugs” I mean insects, arachnids, or any creepy variety of creature similar to that, for which I do not know their scientific name, in general.

Let’s think about this, really.  No disrespect intended to the great powers that placed us on this clod of dirt floating through space, but, assuming there was “design” involved in all of this – I have to ask the question: Why bugs? If I were starting this whole concept over from scratch I think I’d have to bring in the focus groups and devise a way to get rid of the whole pollination/bug interaction thing.  There would be no bugs. Period.

No longer would I walk out my door on one of the few hundred sunny days per year in Southern California and be forced to cross the street to get away from a pesky horse fly or bee who has mistaken me for a flower and flown into my ear, up my nose or into my mouth as I’m speaking. Never again would I be the person invited to an outdoor gathering, and to everyone else’s delight, seem to be the only one the spiders, bees, ants, or any other bug are attracted to. I’ve actually been told that if I come to an outdoor party, they don’t have to worry about bug-repellent.

That’s it. No bugs. True bliss.

Don’t hate me. I’m only delivering the truth. Just see for yourself.

This is a water bug of some sort. Are those EGGS on his back? EWWWW

a421_waterbug

This one looks like some kind of thing I’ve seen on Family Guy or something. Blech.

dewey insects of poland 5

Look at the bulgy red eyes on this one. And what kind of teeth are THOSE? ICK.

Large Fly Head - Opo Terser

This guy looks like he just might creep into my nightmare one night. Look at those mean, evil ass eyes. OH.MY.GOD.

UGLY-BUG-15163

Here is a female horsefly. I really do NOT want to know where her legs have been.

horse_fly_bibef

And this guy… Well, okay. He’s kinda cute….

Spiny

I rest my case. Just sayin’.  Bug free would be pretty close to perfect.

And with that, I will bid you adieu for the week, my lovelies. Stay safe, and steer clear of the ugly bugs.

Love you people!!!! Mmmmppphhhuuuhhh!!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

aka Lisa Jey Davis

Editor in [Mis] Chief

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Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes…. OR… Yes, You Probably DO Eat Too Much

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NOTE FROM MS. CHEEVIOUS:

I’d like to welcome Ms. Patricia Walters Fischer to the fold, and she’s here to tell you (and me) that Yes, you probably DO eat too much, and maybe it’s time to make some ch-ch-ch-changes. And hell, I’m right there with her, people. I’m back to my local weight loss support group myself this year, reclaiming my lifetime membership all over again. Hey – one can never be too sure the fat isn’t sneaking its way back onto one’s body, now can one? So I’m going to be lean and alcohol free for a while folks. Oh yes.  

Let’s give her a listen, shall we? Even if you are presently starving yourself.

Patricia is  a writing / author-friend of Ms. Cheevious. She’s a dynamo, hot mommy, and we love her. Enjoy. 

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Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes…. 

                  OR…

         Yes, You Probably DO Eat Too Much

It’s January. That means everyone has a “goal” they plan to meet or beat this year and according to the powers that be at Entertainment Tonight, 43% of you pledge to make losing weight one of them.

Part of New Year’s appeal is the idea of starting over; of beginning anew and the thought that any and all mistakes of the past year (or decade) are put behind us.

Problem is, if you enter the New Year with the same mindset you exited the last one, will anything really change? Since the fairy godmother didn’t show up and give you those gorgeous (but look really uncomfortable) glass slippers and the prince isn’t coming to sweep you off your feet, or even sweep your floor, what will change? What will be different in your life that will allow you to reach your goals?

Last year I’d reached wits end. At 5’ 3” and weighing in at 230 pounds, I felt miserable, frustrated, and overwhelmed. I’d gotten to the point where I’d become “that mom” who sits a lot and can’t keep up with her children. Plus, I could imagine the looks on my kids’ faces as we were creeping towards their middle school years—mom had become embarrassingly unhealthy.

I didn’t want that for them, for me, for my husband, but how to change it? Or better yet, how did I even get so far into the obesity spectrum in the first place? And if I do manage to get my ever growing ass off the couch, how do I make sure I don’t go backwards?

As a wanna-be best-selling writer, my creative muse had taken a permanent holiday, and I couldn’t write anything that would be rated above crap. Really frustrating since I had some great, almost-finished works on my computer, just waiting for me to complete.

The question was, what should I change or better yet, how?

I knew last year when the clock struck twelve and the fireworks flew into the sky, it wouldn’t suddenly give me all the answers and the right path to make all my dreams come true.

No Blue Fairy or Fairy Godmother or magic lamp would appear… and even if they did, true change is one of the hardest things to do and we’ve all learned from the fairy tales, that change has to come from within. No amount of magic does it for us.

Shit. And I was so hoping for the easy road.

I’d tried all sorts of diets before, but they didn’t work. One reason for that was I’d always chosen extremist plans to get the quickest results. I found out very fast I’ll never be fond of eating tree bark or drinking some horrid concoction that includes fennel.

With three kids, I found myself running in circles and not ever having a good workout routine, especially since I’d be exhausted as soon as I got up in the morning. I had no energy to spare or even to spend, but something had to give.

Get up early? Stay up late? Hire a babysitter?

Was I depressed? I didn’t think so. I’d simply be frustrated with myself because I’d have these days of clarity and motivation and would get a few things done, then fall back into the sluggish pattern again, and think to myself Grrrrrr, this sucks! What can I do to get a grip?

First, I learned I needed my gall bladder out. Tests at the end of the year confirmed that little organ was functioning at about 11% and probably causing a lot of my fatigue, but it wasn’t the magic bullet. Removing it did help my body heal and my mind not be so foggy. Immediately, I could tell a difference and within days, I was able to more effectively wrap my mind around exactly what needed to happen: Change how I saw the world and myself. For the first time in a long time, it seemed doable.

At the encouragement of a friend, I started taking pictures of everything I ate and drank and it opened my eyes to what exactly I was fueling my body with—complete and utter garbage.

2011 RT Convention with Jeremy R., me, and Stefan Pinto
That is me in the middle with the friend who helped me, Stefan (right).

I remember Oprah talking about being mindful of what she ate, but I told myself I knew what I was eating and it wasn’t that bad. I must have something else going on because my diet was fine. After I started taking pictures of everything, and I mean everything, it helped me better understand and Holy Crap! Did I eat a whole lot of carbs, sugar, and fat. I’m amazed I only weighed 230 pounds.

I started taking pictures of everything, and I mean everything

Food Photography 1

With the new outlook on what I ate, it helped me see what I did during my day and how I could be more productive. Even simple things like making a short to-do list before getting errands done, made my time more productive and I got things done. And I stress short here—no making impossibly long to-do lists that included losing ten pounds, cleaning the entire house, knitting sweaters for all kids in the Midwest, and creating World Peace before lunch time.

It seems like a no brainer, but when you can’t think straight or you’re so used to burying yourself in obligations, you can easily get frustrated and even fail.

After three months, not only had I dropped thirty-five pounds, my mind felt clearer, and I’d completed revisions of one of my romantic comedies. By May, I’d sold it. That news came a day before my husband and I found out we’d been matched for two children we were hoping to adopt.

At the writing of this, I’ve dropped another five pounds, but the big deal is I’ve kept it off for six months. No backsies!

To prove it to myself, I cleaned out my closet, a bit of a New Year’s purge to show how far I’d come and to get rid of the fall back, fat clothes.
My health and weight are stable and I’m ready for the next half of my health journey—losing another fifty pounds by this time next year.

Life is still overwhelming at times. Factoring in time to exercise, write my next best seller, and caring for kids, a house, and husband can make the day seem normally chaotic. There are days I don’t get a shower and my legs need to be shaved more often than twice a week, but I’m an ever improving work in progress.

I still don’t make brownies like Martha Stewart, but I don’t obsess about it. I don’t eat my frustrations, but I don’t go run a marathon either. I changed the way the world looks around me. I don’t beat myself up when things aren’t perfect, I accept compliments without arguing about it, and I like myself.

That was the biggest change of all and ultimately for only me, but something interesting happened: I enjoyed my family more and mundane obligations like laundry didn’t seem too overwhelming.
Because my friend helped me, I want to help you.

 

Because my friend helped me,

      I want to help you.

 

I’ve started a 2013 Kick Ass and Get Healthy Board on Pinterest where I’m posting articles, recipes, and ways you can meet health and wellness goals. What I discovered is it’s not only about the food or the exercise, it’s about how you feel about yourself. Do you think you’re worth the challenge?

Don’t be so afraid to change how you see the world or even how you approach it, that you lose out on what you’re worth. It can be frightening, but it can be one of the best things you’ll ever do for yourself.

Good luck in 2013!

 

255550_404808602894599_1858904840_nDuring Patricia W. Fischer’s journey to be a full-time storyteller, she made several stops along the way to be a waitress, bartender, bill-collector, bank teller, clerk at Blockbuster Video, dishwasher, prep-cook, a wannabe crypto-zoologist, and finally settling in as a pediatric and adult trauma/critical care nurse for 10 years. Then she started her career as a writer.

Now, she spends her time in front of a keyboard, coming up with (hopefully) fantastic and entertaining stories to pay for her buying too many books habit and the endless cups of coffee she drinks on a daily basis.

You can find her at her website, on Facebook, Twitter, and Pintrest.

 

WeightingforMrRight_850

 

You can also find her book, “Weighting for Mr. Right” on Amazon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Love you people!!!! Mmmmmpppphhhuuuhhh!!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

Editor in (Mis) Chief

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All Blog content copyright 2013, LISA JEY DAVIS aka Ms. Cheevious

 

My Life in Real Time, A.B.E.

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This past week my life became divided into two eras (think, “2000 B.C.” or if you ascribe to the other label, “2000 BCE” and “2012 A.D.”).

I chose to be defined by my most recent surgeries, and the “eras” in my life were humorously labeled Before the Boobie Era (B.B.E.) and After the Boobie Era (A.B.E.). Today I’m going to share my life in real time, A.B.E.

The era titles are all part of a master plan, of course… a Ms. Cheevious, fun way of bringing attention to October and Breast Cancer Awareness Month (and in honor of my sister Mimi Larimore, who lost her battle with Ovarian Cancer – something that is typically related, genetically).

I actually wrote/talked about the creation of these two eras, and shared a special edition comical v-log about it this week on Singles Warehouse. It was a lighthearted glimpse into my life  and a couple of reasons the two eras came to be… (that post is here and you may need it after reading this one — OY: http://www.singleswarehouse.co.uk/2012/10/before-the-boobie-era-bbe/).

But shit just got really “real” for me tonight.  I can wax Ms. Cheevious (empowered, frivolous, free-spirited) all I want, but if someone brings the shit to me, well they’re gonna’ get Ms. Cheevious with a whole boat load of Lisa J. backing her up.

Just keep reading.

Every single one of us moves through our lives in our own space and time.  We know when we feel good, fulfilled…happy, and when we do not. We set our goals in life based on the memory of those feelings and the desire to be in that good, fulfilled… happy state for ourselves, our children, our lives.  I’m talking about our persons people.  We know when we like who we are, and when we don’t. We set goals for who we want to “be” (and all that entails).

We become focused on these goals… chipping slowly away at achieving them, unrelentingly.  And along that little path, the compulsion to continue the pursuit remains, even if out of balance, while the tendency to aggrandize and justify our sometimes too-fervent efforts (as altruistic and pure … for the good of ourselves, our children and our loved ones) rises up within us at every “thought” or every “someone” who would question our uber-focus toward our goals.. desires… even our efforts. Hopefully as we move along the path, we correct any present imbalance and move back to center, still focused on the prize.

Though this path of focus and sometime achievement often provides us obstacles of either our own design, or of those we meet on the path… seldom do our movements provide a crystal clear glimpse of their affect on our loved ones.

It’s no matter if determination is our sword (as it is mine) and humor and frivolity our shield (that’s mine too).  Nothing dooms the work of the sword so fast, at least in my case, as the verbal declaration of my own son of his embarrassment at the thought of being known as the son of Ms. Cheevious. His life’s dread is for his friends to connect him to “her.”

Yes. Here the happy-go-lucky “I” was, and moving through my life, chipping away at my goals, enjoying every moment… when my adult son, who is part and parcel to the journey (one of the very reasons behind the compulsion to achieve goals, to relentlessly chip away at them for the good of “him”… of “them”), made it clear he does not want to be associated in any way with the Ms. Cheevious side of me. Something about guys and the way they think, and the fact his mom is attractive, single and in her forties, or some such story… that is all he could offer to explain. He obviously knows nothing of Ms. Cheevious…

I could spend my entire life or certainly the rest of this article analyzing this. I could die trying to make sense of why on earth a website moniker, even a persona that is rooted in LIVING LIFE POSITIVELY, having FUN, the PURSUIT OF DREAMS, the PURSUIT OF AUTHENTICITY and THE EMPOWERMENT OF WOMEN would embarrass anyone.  I could also chalk it up to insecurity… or ignorance.  That he simply doesn’t know what it’s all about, who I am or who Ms. Cheevious is. That he’s basing it purely on what he “thinks” the name means, which is ridiculous.

But I won’t do that. I’d be making his same mistake.  I don’t know the depths of his reasoning. And he has his own journey. He has to choose his own sword and shield, and if they inhibit his ability to “allow” all around him to “be” who they want to be, including me… well… I cannot help him. I can only be….well, me.

I am pretty damn good at analyzing my own shit, especially if I go deep, but I don’t ever get very far attempting to analyze anyone else’s, so I’ll spare you.  All I can do is respond, assimilate, absorb and continue.  I love both of my sons. I love all of my loved ones.  I accept them for whomever they choose to be… even if who they choose to be doesn’t allow for me, as I choose to be.

And so, it is in the here and now, in real time, that I’ll spell it out for you. This is where the shit gets real:

Dammit all, but life is not what we expect.  It doesn’t come to us in the pretty package we love, that is easy to handle and comfortable for us to “live” in.  Life comes to us with a bunch of loose tools, nuts, bolts and moving parts (some with a will of their own), and we attempt to put it all together without an instruction manual.

The fact is, I am Lisa J. Davis.  I am Ms. Cheevious. Ms. Cheevious is everything I truly am and I am everything she could ever hope to be… Fun-loving, free-spirited, thoughtful, energetic, intelligent, fearless, fierce, loving, kind, giving and MOTIVATED beyond belief.  All of these traits (and so many more) are the essence of me… and the essence of Ms. Cheevious, and what I hope for any Ms. Cheevious woman.

So, if my son (or any loved one) has deep-rooted beliefs or misunderstandings of what it means to “be” Ms. Cheevious or me, and chooses to take on a fear of association without really knowing what it means… well, that, my lovely boys and girls is truly and quite simply their choice.

That’s it? That’s where the shit gets real?

Why… yes! And that is a friggin’ EPIPHANY people!  That choice is what makes those loved ones who “they” are. And I choose to allow them to “be.” To sit with that.  I may ache for a bit over their choice, knowing there is so much more that could set them free if they only tried to see beyond their paradigm…  that there is so much more we could share and love and live together, if they only could see… I can hurt for the rejection.  But I also love them without attachment. I love my son for everything that he is, for the life he is building with his tools, nuts, bolts, willful moving parts… and with no instruction manual. I love seeing what’s coming out of his life. It thrills me, warms my heart, makes me laugh, cry and shine with pride. And I will continue to do so.

But this is my life, my friends, in real time. I am Ms. Cheevious, and I always will be.

Before the Boobie Era, After the Boobie Era, come rain, shine, sickness, surgery, health, love, loss … I am very happy in my own skin. I am glad for my life, for who I am, and I look forward to the next adventure.

Bring it… because I am sticking around…


Image Credit: http://www.thinknice.com/cute-inspirational-pinup-quotes/

Now go out there and be just who you are, come hell or high water.

“Believe in Yourself & all that you are. Know there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle.” – Christian D. Larson Quote

Love you people!!!! Mmmpphhhuuuhhh!!!!

xoxo,

Lisa Jey Davis

aka Ms. Cheevious

Editor in [Mis] Chief

Before You Go:

Please post on Facebook or tweet the below statement, in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month:

SAVE.YOUR.LIFE. If relatives suffered Ovarian or Breast cancer, GET THE GENETIC SCREENING. #BRCA #BreastCancerAwareness @MsCheevious

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Other articles you may enjoy from Ms. Cheevious:

Before the Boobie Era (BBE) (On Singles Warehouse)

Lack of attention to her boyfriend spurs Lisa Jey’s creation of a new era! (Read More)

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Why I’m Glad I’m a Woman – And You Should Be Too

 

I’m fairly confident I could write an equally flattering post on how wonderful it is to be a man; however I’m not one. It’s great to be a chick. (READ MORE)

 

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All Blog content copyright 2012, LISA JEY DAVIS aka Ms. Cheevious

Inner Giggle Override

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Thursday night was the opening of the play “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof,” the masterpiece by Tennessee Williams, in which my man M.C. Nugget* stars as the male lead, “Brick.” The play opened in Santa Barbara, which is about an hour and a half north of Los Angeles.

On Thursday afternoon at about 2:30 PM I headed up the coast. I won’t give every detail of that debacle of a road trip, but suffice it to say that the super intelligent MapQuest app for my iPhone, when coupled with the blonde hair on my head, erroneously led me through FARM country, with one-lane roads frequented by gigantic tractors. It extended my drive by about, oh an hour. Once I made it to Santa Barbara, I immediately met up with Nuggie and sat down for a cocktail before I did a single.other.thing.

Nuggie gave me advance warning about the length of the play, and was interested to see how the audience would fare for three hours (with one intermission). The verdict? It was stupendous. We (the audience) were enthralled. We laughed, we were tense, we got emotional. Watching and taking-in their production felt like living a great piece of literature.

Afterward, some of the cast, crew and I went out to a nearby restaurant. We must have been giving off that “I love abuse. Would you please treat me badly?” vibe, because we experienced some incredibly inexplicable, bad service. It didn’t matter that we were giving them more money than they (or their food/beverages) were worth. After about forty minutes of abuse (at midnight), the place closed and we headed to a little dive bar called the Wild Cat. From the outside it looked like the kind of place where patrons regularly exit through the plate-glass window. But inside was a mixed-bag of “wild.” There were go-go dancers in the back, beer stained Mardi Gras beads hanging from Jack Daniel’s mirrors from the 70’s, and a clientele that appeared to be gay, but even that became mixed within minutes of our arrival. Apparently many places in Santa Barbara close at midnight during the week.

Speaking of adult beverages (we weren’t, but we were going to),  I believe all humans have a “Stop Drinking Alert System” (SDAS). My SDAS is constantly overridden by other, more powerful forces. Said forces include a) having too little to eat, being b) hormonal, c) tired, d) dehydrated, e) over-worked, f) under-worked, g) broke, h) landing a new client, i) receiving a big windfall of cash, or j) having a friend who wants to celebrate and/or drown in their sorrows. I’m exaggerating, of course, but when you’ve lived any kind of a life, you tend to rack up situations ripe for “SDAS override.”

On Thursday it was my inner giggle that trumped the SDAS. This wasn’t all my fault. Perhaps it was the difficult drive from earlier, or the lack of sleep which has become all too common lately.  But on top of that, one of the cast members — she played “May” – kept cracking funny jokes and BUSTING ME UP! We became BFFs faster than the bar could close at 1:30 AM and shove our giggly butts through the plate glass window (no, they did not even try, and I was a little miffed).

The problem with those evenings when the laughter is “just right” (not too giddy, not too silly) and the drinks seem to be bottomless, is that no one ever wants the evening to end. Ms. May happily announced there was more wine back at the hotel. So, naturally we all gathered in one of the rooms and drank that wine (and laughed more) for three more hours.

Three more hours.

M.C. Nugget’s suggestions to put the evening (and me) to bed fell on deaf ears… or laughing lips.

Ms. May and I were like two sorority girls giggling about the frat boys across the room. It was utterly ridiculous and more pointless fun than I’ve had in a very long time.

But I’m tired now.

I had no idea my inner giggle could so easily override my Stop Drinking Alert System and keep me awake into the wee hours of the morning. This, after I’d slept a whole four hours the previous night. I’d like to know if there is such thing as an Inner Giggle Override, and if so, where can I pick one up? Amazon?

Tune in next time you gorgeous individuals, when I’ll have something extra special for ya.

Love you people!!!! Mmmphhhuuuhhhhh!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

Editor in (Mis) Chief

*M.C. Nugget and the entire cast of characters on Ms. Cheevious are described here.

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Other articles you may enjoy from Ms. Cheevious:

Are You a Friend of Bill?

Where Ms. Cheevious talks about her experience with this secret guy.. or code… or whatever…

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HIT ME BEE-OTCH!

Where Ms. Cheevious’ hair stylist, Scissor Sister shares the naughty, hilair-lair details of her trip to Vegas.

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You can also follow Ms. Cheevious’ beau M.C. Nugget on Twitter, and NOW on his Facebook Page!

All Blog content copyright 2012, LISA JEY DAVIS aka Ms. Cheevious

Things We Enjoyed This Week: Esquire Magazine

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We’re pleased to launch a new series for MsCheevious.com, entitled Things We Enjoyed This Week. (And by ‘we” of course, “we” mean me – Editor in (Mis) Chief, and primary writer here). This little nugget will come to you as frequent as those things we enjoy are revealed to us – and equally as seldom. Let’s try not to keep track, shall we?

Things We Enjoyed This Week – The Week of August 26, 2012

September’s Esquire Magazine

Recent issue read, cover-to-cover: September 2012, Volume 153, No. 2

Why: It’s intelligent, interesting and doesn’t take itself too seriously. It’s also environmentally friendly (in this month’s note from David Granger, Editor in Chief, he cleverly wove his obsession with energy into an interesting and witty introduction of an article on the United States’ use of oil and the tar sands. Sounds dry, but he forayed that into a teaser-finish on a article still brewing about natural gas, and, he was able to “still be crazily entertaining.”).

One Thing We Especially Liked: Esquire Indulges, page 42

It’s a page devoted to requests by readers, and this little gem shows up in the Front of Book, which means there’s a boat load of good, meaty reading to follow.

Kudos to the magazine for recognizing that its writers and editors don’t hold an exclusive on good ideas.

Our favorite from this page? Recent Birth Announcements by A.J. Jacobs.

Jacobs brings little known current events as well as social mores or cultural quips to our attention in the form of witty birth announcements (Below are re-config’d samples – a cheap attempt at replicating what you will see in the magazine):

There’s bouncing baby boy “My Grudge” –

And little whipper snapper “Sin” –

To see what’s in the issue in a nutshell go to the Esquire Magazine website:

Stay tuned for more of the Things We Enjoyed This Week, and perhaps something entirely different.

Enjoy Every Moment my lovelies.

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

Editor in (Mis) Chief

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All Blog content copyright 2012, LISA JEY DAVIS aka Ms. Cheevious