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Things They Didn’t Tell You in School About Your Body

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I originally covered this subject in a Video log (Vlog) post on YouTube (at *www.youtube.com/lisajeydavis). If you’ve followed along in my blog like an addict and read the post where I first introduced those Vlogs – you’ll know that I don’t like to share the Lisa Jey Davis’ stuff in here. Generally.

There are no cross-overs in Ms. Cheevious-land! She stays in her real-world, and I get to be ME, breaking all the rules, taking no prisoners and living out all my fantasies in peace. But she did “create” me. In fact, she is me.  Well, a sweeter, less racy, more “Miss Manners” sort of me. So, here I am pimping her videos instead of mine.  But I digress… The point is, this stuff is important, so the information in this video is coming to life right here on the blog.

When you get older — like, way past the 30’s and 40’s for most adults – there is this THING we all go through, and this, they DO tell us about in school.  It’s called Menopause.

It’s such an ugly word – menopause.  I’ve said it many times (though perhaps here it’s a first): Because Menopause is an ugly word, I’ve renamed it Orchids. We all know from school that everyone goes through “Orchids” when they get older.  It’s a right of passage into our senior citizen years, much like Puberty (now called Daisies because Puberty is an awful, ugly word as well) is a right of passage from pre-teen into adulthood.

Let me make something very clear, before going on:  I am too young for “Orchids.”  The only reason I know anything about this, is because I was medically required to remove most of my female parts (see that post here), which thrust me suddenly and abruptly into Orchids.  So, this is not just for senior citizens here, people.  You TWENTY-SOMETHINGS should pay attention now, so you can move through life informed of what’s coming. Perhaps then you’ll choose to enjoy every moment while you still can.  Seriously though, entering and enduring Orchids does NOT mean the end of the world or quality of life as you know it.  Quite the contrary.  I’m more comfortable in my own skin and happy with me than I’ve ever been.  I’m still LOVING life, and enjoying every single moment.  Anyone can.

Also, because I AM in Orchids, I am now an expert. Capiche?

The only real thing about Orchids they warned us about in school is that something hormonal happens which causes women to get bat-shit crazy and all “super-hormonal” up in the faces of everyone they know and love. My only experience with it before now was how my mom’s tone of voice became super shrill and freak-of-nature intense.  That’s about it. Oh, and she cut her hair short.

What they don’t tell you about Orchids is that in many ways it’s very similar to Daisies.  Here are a few of the take-aways:

1.  It’s very similar to Daisies in that your skin changes.

2. Your hair changes (get ready people).

3. You’ll retain water on a daily basis (that is, if you must supplement your body with hormones – or Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT)), and no matter what, you WILL gain weight, because your body goes into survival mode if it isn’t producing hormones anymore (for women, Estrogen & Progesterone) and holds onto fat cells, which happen to be the last remaining body component that has hormones in it.  Yep.  Pull out the fat clothes (at least until you figure it out and get things back to normal).

4. If you opt to do HRT, it can cause the dreaded — drum roll —

Eh… I don’t think I’ll tell you here.  You’ll have to watch the following video to get the rest of the scoop on what they don’t tell us in school!!  And there are some DOOZIES you’ll want to know about!

Trust me. Though it’s serious subject matter here, I think you’ll enjoy this video.  You may even laugh just a little. If you don’t see the video viewer below, here is the link: http://youtu.be/J1B6IZ9f0uE

See?  That was pretty painless, wasn’t it?  And I am still here.  I am not cutting my hair.  We’re all okay here.  There’s no need to panic.

If you happened to find this video funny, informative or helpful in anyway, feel free to share this post with your friends.

Tune in next time for tips on handling this lovely new information! If you haven’t already watched it in my vlogs, I’ll showcase it here.  Soon, I’ll be talking about the Things Guys Secretly Wish About Women.

Love you people!!!!!!! Mmmmphhhhuuuhhhhh!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

PS) Please check out and comment on the related vlog on YouTube here if you’d like.

*This channel is not to be confused with the Ms. Cheevious channel.  Lisa Jey Davis’ vlogs on her channel regularly.

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All Blog content copyright 2012, LISA JEY DAVIS aka Ms. Cheevious

Take Care of YOU – 5 Things You Can Do For a Better You

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Ahhh.  The way to a better YOU.  We ALL need this information, trust me. Our planet is getting so stinkin’ toxic, I’m surprised we aren’t all glowing (and I don’t mean the good kind of glow that they say about brides.  I’m talking the nuclear reactor kind of glow).

To be clear, I am a student in this matter. So, under no circumstances am I claiming to be an expert in the field of health and wellness, and if you do these things and get sick, well – I’m not GOD people!  Just sayin’. But I’m still smart. So, listen up. Here’s another component of this post:

When you don’t feel well, get help, would you?

Here are some examples (not to be taken literally) of what I’m talking about when I say “don’t feel well”:

  • You’ve been feeling a little congested, and then you wake up one morning with a scratchy throat, OR
  • Your knee hurts off and on.  Not all the time, but it regularly bothers you and inhibits your from doing some of the things you like to do, OR
  • Your other knee hurts when the first one stops hurting, OR
  • You have a back ache, OR
  • Geez.  How many examples do you need?

I don’t know what it is people, but for some reason we put off seeking medical attention, or even health attention (massages, dentists, eye doctors, chiropractors, etc..).  We’ll go for weeks on end kvetching about our aches and pains, and suffer through it, but we just won’t make the call and make an appointment.

I did this recently, myself.  My back was hurting.  BAD.

I don’t get “back aches.” This was a new one for me.  I had one in the past, and went through weeks of chiropractic therapy after a car accident, so when I got my recent back ache, I was nervous.  I stopped working out for fear of further damaging my back or something else, or worse, not being able to do the workout because it hurt too much, thus wasting my time.  I wasn’t sleeping well because of the throbbing, and I took way too many prescription ibuprofen pills (which I had left-over from my surgery). Needless to say, I was doing that thing.  That thing I just talked about at the beginning.  I suffered for two weeks without making the call or making the appointment. Talk about loss of TIME.

Then I finally went in to my chiropracter and was whipped into shape (no pun intended – get it? Whip-lash? Whipped into shape by my chiropractor? Anyway.) within a matter of about two minutes. I’m not kidding. I talk about this in my related vlog “Take Care of You – Enjoy Every Day with Lisa Jey.”

And though I may not be an expert in health and wellness, I do consider myself to be an expert pamperer of myself, indulging in far too many — “indulgences” — often, and well – you get the idea.

Basically, I like to eat bonbons, and preferably hand-fed or served to me by hot, ripped men in boxer briefs.

So here’s the deal.  We are all like this.  We all procrastinate getting help with something, even to the point of inconvenience (my back ache was inconveniencing me all over the place… making working out, sleeping and so much else muddled if existent at all), so why even let it get to that point?  Let’s just take care of US, and be BETTER all around!

Mark my words, if we actually DO these five things, we’ll find ourselves much less inconvenienced, and far happier, healthier people who feel GOOD… basically BETTER.

5 Things You Can Do for a Better You

1.  Take a bath. Often. I’m not talking about the “quick bath to get cleaned up” kind of bath.  I’m talking about the “lady of leisure-luxurious lifestyle-bath salts or bath oils” kind. The kind that takes about an hour. DO IT.

2. Read something old fashioned. Sit away from the computer, in a quiet place, once a day and read something that is written by hand or typed on this stuff we call “paper”.  Anything.  Your favorite news paper (mine is the New York Observer), a stack of your old poetry or journals from years ago, a favorite magazine (one of mine is “Esquire”), even a guilty-pleasure-Harlequin Romance.  I don’t care what it is.  Just do it.

3. Get Active. Do something active at least three times a week.  Walk, park far away at the mall (so you have to walk more), take three different trips up the stairs to the same office appointment… just for the heck of it, or gee – maybe – – GO TO THE GYM?  But get active and get the endorphins going in your bod.

4. Get Outta Here. Get outside when the weather is nice.  This means you will have to STEP AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER once again.  But that’s a good thing.  Even if it means driving someplace with the windows open in the car, or the top down.  Let the SUN shine down on you.  The sun actually causes us to access those endorphin thingy-ma-jigs…

5. Get GOOD sleep. If you must, take some Benadryl or something holistic like melatonin to help you, but get a GOOD night’s sleep REGULARLY. Sleep deprivation is a leading cause of illness. If you don’t take care of the sleep thing, and you get sick, don’t come crying to me.  You have been warned.

There.  That wasn’t so hard.  Now you are already on your way to a BETTER you.

PFFFAWWW.  As IF you needed to get any better.

And, if you do all these things and still get sick, or injured or an ailment?  Well then, GO SEE SOMEONE, geez.  That’s takes us right back to where we started from, now doesn’t it?

Love you people!!!!!!! Mmmmphhhhuuuhhhhh!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

PS) Please check out and comment on my related vlog here.

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All Blog content copyright 2012, LISA JEY DAVIS aka Ms. Cheevious

Sh*t Girls Say — If They’re Ms. Cheevious

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I’ll admit. I had to do it. I cannot watch something like “Shit Girls Say,” which is so hysterically funny without thinking, ‘HOLY CRAP that sounds an awful lot like a sweeter version of me!’ I’m sure that’s what was intended.

But I think I’m pretty funny. Is that bad?  I’m pretty harmless in my narcissistic view of my hilariousness. I simply crack myself up. What harm is there in that? I’m sure I turn some heads as I walk past folks in the market or on the street chuckling out loud at something I just said out loud to myself, but who is it hurting? That’s all I wanna’ know.  A little nuttiness never hurt anyone.  As a matter of fact, my man M.C. Nugget and I make a habit of exhibiting nutty and weird behavior on a regular basis.

Before I get rolling on that whole tangent, let me get to the point of this post.  I think you will really laugh (or at the very least, mildly chuckle) at the first clip I have for you – my muse, if you will, when it came to putting together “Shit Girls Say if They’re Ms. Cheevious”… And then you’ll see that very video (and either laugh, cry, or mildly chuckle).

The difference between the two is that the first was professionally produced.  It was also scripted and performed by a dude in a chick’s wig, who is very funny, alongside a star – like – um, JULIETTE LEWIS.  You’ll know her when you see her.

My clip is REAL SHIT. Things I said without being prompted, which were caught on video.

After you’ve enjoyed both of these short clips, I have a little project we can ALL participate in.

I’d like for you to help me write a new video via the COMMENTS section on this post, which WILL be scripted and performed by a few of my best and hottest gal pals (also actresses). It will be called Shit Ms. Cheevious Girls say.  If we get some great phrases here, when it is up on YouTube, I will enable ads on the video, and any proceeds made from those ads we’ll donate to a charity of our choice (we’ll vote on that when the time comes).

Watch, Enjoy, and put your thinking caps on.  I’ll throw out some suggestions after the clips to get the ball rolling in your brains.

SHIT GIRLS SAY, EPISODE 1

If you can’t see the above Youtube window in your browser, please click here

SHIT GIRLS SAY – IF THEY’RE MS. CHEEVIOUS

Again, if you can’t view the above video window in your browser, click here

BEFORE YOU COMMENT:

Now, in terms of coming up with comments.  This video will be scripted, and I’d like to use my “Girls” as some inspiration.  By that I mean the girls in my paintings, which you can see some of them here on my website (left border) or those I will actually use are here: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150193003761734.291906.119215056733&type=3.

The “Girls” all have names, and I’d like to give them personalities.  If you’re inclined feel free to specify who would “say” your comment.  I’ll hand pick some gorgeous girlfriends who are also actresses to represent some of the girls and act these out.  Here are some ideas that have been thrown around for Shit Ms. Cheevious Girls Say, and remember:  You MUST think Ms. Cheevious-ly.  And think about all areas of life – health, fitness, medical, career, leisure, entertainment.  Whatever!  And remember:  Ms. Cheevious girls are EMPOWERED, INDEPENDENT, LOVING, FUN girls.  So here are just a couple to get you started!

1.  Does this dress make me look too skinny?

2. Do you remember that thingy that I wanted to BLOG about?

3. O.M.G. Girlfriend!!!!

4. AAAAAAAHHHHHH (screaming & jumping up and down because they find JAMESON’S or Grey Goose Vodka on sale at the grocery store).

5. Dude your boobs look GOOD in that!

If you want to see more specific phrases that we are USING, I’m compiling them on a private note on Facebook, and can share them upon request.  Just ask! Now put your minds into high gear, and let’s all create a really FANTASTIC video, shall we?  You will get credit (you’ll be credited as you are listed here on the blog, if we use your quote) in the video credits, so get rolling.  Put those ultra witty, razor sharp, naughty, nice, sweet, funny thoughts down below!  I can’t wait!

Then, boys and girls, stay tuned next time for something entirely different.

Love you people!!!!! Mmmmmmppppphhhuuuhhhh!!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

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All Blog content copyright 2012, LISA JEY DAVIS aka Ms. Cheevious

The OFFICIAL X-Factor

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I apologize in advance, but this is not a review of the popular television show The X Factor starring Simon Cowell. You will not find any content about singers or performers here.  No, my little devlish ones, this post is about the OFFICIAL X-Factor, and stars one Ms. Nawty Norski, but the only singing going on in this post, well – there is none.  You can hum along to “Oh Sweet Mystery of Life” if you’d like (look it up you rug-rats that don’t know what I’m talking about, sheesh! Look specifically for clips of the late Madeline Kahn belting out a few bars of it in the classic favorite, and hilarious film “Young Frankenstein”).

Over the recent Valentine’s Day holiday, a gal pal of mine, Ms. Nawty Norski, posed the following question, which is the essence of this post – The OFFICIAL X-Factor:

Can women successfully rekindle the flames of love and passion, or more importantly, have healthy relationships with X-boyfriends?

It came about because an X of Nawty’s got back in touch suddenly,  for no apparent reason. He is an X from years ago, who was far too immature to give her what she desired from a relationship back in the day. That’s why it ended in the first place.

In his most recent communications, X-Man seemed interested to pick things up from their most intimate of stopping points, professing a newfound maturity that was obviously amiss in years past.

She remained a bit ambivalent about the matter, but was willing to consider the merits of the situation, should Mr. X deliver the goods he was promising (those “goods,” aside from his newfound maturity, well they’re a bit x-rated. You see, Ms. Norski sent around a Nawty-Note for Valentine’s Day about how women are only interested in men who possess some very – ehem – specific qualities.  Not all physical, mind you.  One of those qualities was fiduciary. Well, Mr. X, who’d already been trying to “reconnect,” as it were, responded in the affirmative to her Nawtiness). Being the adventurous, mscheevious, inquisitive, fun-loving gal that Nawty is, she spent the evening at his home on Valentines Day. Nothing serious happenend, but she was not convinced. She asked me to pose it to you – my lovely readers. What do you think?

(Above image “borrowed” from http://furniturestoretoronto.blog.com/ex-boyfriend-quotes/)

Can we women overlook the hurt, pain, confusion and/or frustration (even disinterest) of the past with an X-boyfriend, husband or otherwise, and hope to engage in a fulfilling, fun, adventurous, positive relationship experience today?

Tell us what you think you wise, razor-sharp boys and girls. I am waiting with bated breath. And Ms. Norski? She’s holding hers. So hurry it up. The clock’s ticking. And you don’t have to join any email list to comment below, so you have no excuse. Feel free to advise Ms. Nawty Norski in your comment.

I’m going to post the most creative, fun, interesting, random or weird comment in my blog next time, so get to it, and use that wicked-smart wit and brain-power you’ve been given.

That’s all for today, but I’m in Mammoth Mountain ski resort as I type this, so you’ll be seeing another couple of videos from me very soon. Sorry. The nuttiness WILL forge on.

Love you people!  Mmmmmppphhhuuuuhhhh!!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

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All Blog content copyright 2012, LISA JEY DAVIS aka Ms. Cheevious

The Ties That Bind

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Family Ties, that is. Yes. I said it.

And my family is important to me. Vitally important.

Some may argue the contrary.

But I have worked long and hard (my entire life, in fact) to grow and improve on who I am as a person. Out of that hard work was born a very strong protective nature for establishing and fiercely protecting healthy boundaries where relationships are concerned.

How does one establish healthy boundaries, and just what are boundaries?  I’m glad you asked.

Here is an illustration that should help.

Picture this:  My head, surrounded by a grassy yard, with a white picket fence as its boundary.

I know it’s just a sketch, but inside the fence is my green, grassy yard, which represents all the things in my life – all of the choices in my life.  I own those.

Outside of the white picket fence are things that everyone else in my world, including my siblings, kids, etc… have going on – their choices.

Sometimes a person’s choices infiltrate my yard, if I let them.  For instance, if someone makes a choice that positively or negatively affects me, a family member, my children or loved ones, I then make the CHOICE to either accept or deny that situation access to my “yard.”

When crotchety Uncle Leo says something horribly mean and hurtful to my nephew Wilfred, I can choose to bring it into my yard, making that situation one of my responsibilities, nurturing it all the way to its conclusion – OR – I can choose to not allow it into my yard, instead loving from a distance and offering unattached advice to my nephew; advice I am willing to let go of, and never worry another moment about.

The latter, you lovely men and women, is the healthiest choice.  And I’m not one of those people who’s afraid to get involved.  Who’s writing this post here?  I ALWAYS love me some juicy stuff to get involved in, that’s for certain.  It’s really because I LOVE allowing people to handle and deal with their “yard” with the tools they have in the moment more than anything. Most times it is pretty miraculous to behold what people can do.

You could ask “well, what if your best friend needs financial help?”   I can only answer it this way:  I have a few choices, but in terms of boundaries and healthy, smart choices, there are only two I consider:  1) I can opt to help that friend, loan them money, and then lord over them to pay it back, taking that loan and their financial situation into my yard as my own.  Or 2) I can work off of a decision I made long ago that I should never loan money, unless I can afford to let it go completely and leave it up to the person and their path to be responsible to pay it back, never worrying another moment.  Then if I lend the money, I let it go – totally. But whatever the choice, we must OWN it.  If I loan money and cannot forget about it, but instead, must have the money back regardless of situation, then I am inviting that situation into my yard, and now I own it.  If I’m okay with that then it’s fine.  Otherwise, it’s still a choice I made, which I must deal with.

Recently, some members of my family tried to throw the shackles on me, my white picket fence, and my yard too.  They asked me (and some other siblings) to OWN their choices, and help them out of an unfortunate situation.  Sorry.  Couldn’t and wouldn’t do it.  I did not have the resources to help, and I would not have helped if I did because it was a repeated situation we had already dealt with. We siblings had lovingly warned them that something like their unfortunate situation would happen down the road, should they not heed our advice. We each offered suggestions as to how the situation could be handled to avoid coming to an unwanted conclusion, but to no avail.

I found myself in that all-too-familiar situation of being “the bad guy” as this unwelcome truth was communicated to these family members.  They were not very happy to hear that we siblings wouldn’t own their situations and rescue them from themselves.

Am I wrong to not take these types of things on as my own?  Are Family Ties meant to be Binding in the true sense of the word?  And aside from boundaries, is it wrong for me to not want to cover anyone’s ass (yes, even the asses of my siblings) when they make unhealthy, underhanded, lazy, or irresponsible choices (or how about just plain friggin’ STUPID choices)?

What say you?  Let’s hear it…

Love you people!!! Mmmmmpphhhhuuuhhhh!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

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All Blog content copyright 2012, LISA JEY DAVIS aka Ms. Cheevious

A Year in Review From the Mind of The Nugget

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Stick with me for a MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT at the end of this post!

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What can I say?  My beau knows how to entertain.  Yep.  M.C. Nugget isn’t a newbie. He threw this video together with some never-before-seen footage, memories and other clips from 2012.  It’s pretty funny, especially if you’ve been following along all year — though your involvement with me and this blog in the last year isn’t necessary for you to enjoy it.  You’ll get it.

I’ve included it here, for your pleasure.  If you want to see his version, well, it’s on his YouTube Channel.  The version I’m sharing here is very close to his, but includes a brief intro, by MOI.

If you are a newbie to Ms. Cheevious, know this before diving in:  M.C. Nugget is the alias for my boyfriend.  He was previously called Fred the Wonder Chicken, until he decided he wanted a new alias.  Both “Nuggie” and FWC have their own action figures, and yes, they are Chicken action figures (the actual toy Chicken kind, not the “scaredy cat” variety).  Trust me.  You’ll get it when you watch.

Without further adieu.  Watch, laugh and enjoy…

Again, if your browser or email does not display the video above, click here or copy/paste this URL into a browser window: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTH4jG6_0e4&list=UUhKHsXXs7Hy-rA1hi-sz2Uw&index=1&feature=plcp

And Here is My MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT:

The episode of The Doctors with me and Dr. Lisa Cassileth is set to air on Monday, February 13, 2012! (Check your local listings to know channel and times).  Set your DVRs, VCRs or whatever you need to do, but watch it please!

Then, go to their website www.thedoctorstv.com and let them know how much you loved it!  Will you?

That’s it for now! Enjoy the rest of your week, and DON’T FORGET TO TUNE IN TO MY EPISODE!

Love you people!!!!! Mmmmppphhhuuuhhh!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

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All Blog content copyright 2012, LISA JEY DAVIS aka Ms. Cheevious