Ms. Cheevious in Hollywood

My Zany Years Spent Working in Tinsel Town

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Resolution-Based Date Ideas for 2013

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This is going to be brief (not). We are far too busy during the holidays to sit around reading random posts by aspiring writers (even if they’ve just published a book on Amazon for Kindle – oh yeah… uh huh…). But I wanted to get this off to you quickly… before the Hanukkah and Christmas decorations were yanked off the walls and the New Year’s Eve celebrations and the endless professions of New Year’s Resolutions began.

You know, I’m not much on making resolutions. I’ve got enough lists of things to do, one of which is my list of lifelong and short-term goals. I am so damn goal-oriented, I get overwhelmed looking at how long my list of goals has become.

That said, I’m not living under a rock, and I see your tweets and Facebook posts. I see what you share with me in your circles. I realize everyone is thinking in these last few days of the year about New Year’s Resolutions.

So I’m going to provide you my giant list of Goals or Resolutions for the coming year (there are two), and I’m double-timing the list. It will also serve as a list of great date ideas for you and any significant other you choose, or happen to be with, in 2013. I love killing two birds with one stone. So instead of hitting the Hot or Not or Tinder app you single wild-things, try THIS. And this first one might feel a little harsh, but that’s what resolutions are for.

1. CLEANSE THE CRAP AWAY.

My Resolution: This past year I went through a TON of crap, surgically, physically, mentally, emotionally… you name it. I also have deep emotions about food and booze. I’m in love with both of them. It’s a sordid love triangle. If I need to feel the love, I allow myself more indulgence than is generally necessary. So, come January, (after the New Year’s holiday travel), I’ll be lean, and dry, eating organically as much as possible, and drinking all non-alcoholic beverages. I plan to do this for at least a month. Stay tuned on that.

Your Date: Similar to me, many of you have experienced your own share of CRAP. Only yours may have been with the opposite sex. If that is the case, do a cleansing ritual of your own (perhaps burn their names on little tiny pieces of paper and send their ashes down the toilet). Then do us all a favor (yourself mostly) and vow to have a closed door policy on your life, would you? At least in regard to Mr. or Ms. Charming. Unless he or she does what they should to be granted admittance, don’t let that door creak open. Trust me. You’ll be surprised and delighted. Once you are surprised and delighted, let them in, and you can continue the cleansing as follows:

Take a BATH together baby. You and your date should seek out a cool bath house, a hot springs spa, outdoor pools, or simply fill the backyard (or indoor) Jacuzzi! Then jump in and enjoy. Bring the strawberries and wine or champagne. Just because I am abstaining from alcohol, doesn’t mean you must.

Awesome pools for skinny dipping

2. EXERCISE FREQUENTLY.

My Resolution:  For the same reasons listed above, my daily workout regimen has suffered greatly. I’m feeling more these days like a bobble-body than a svelte, lean, mean fighting machine (which I vehemently prefer). Play time is OVER. Time to get back to it, and at LEAST 3 times per week, at that. This starts the same time as the cleansing.  Yes.  It’s on. (And yes, I will probably be doing my yoga practice which is in my new book on Amazon — yeeeeee!!!!)

Your Date:  We could figuratively go to a wide array of places with this one… have sex frequently (I love that one), go to the gym together… But how about you go out for a long walk or hike? Next time, ride bikes. Don’t own one? Take a drive to the nearest bike-friendly location and rent them for the day. If bikes aren’t your thing, there are any number of alternatives: roller skating, blading, skateboarding, exercise your mind playing chess in the park. Pick an exercise and do it together!

Just be Active!

That’s all I got for ya‘.  I told you it would be brief.  Now, if you are so inclined, I’d love for you to find my books on Amazon for the Kindle, Kindle Fire and Kindle Fire HD.  Don’t have a Kindle? It’s okay! Amazon has a free Kindle Reader for your computer.  Click here to see my books, and if you choose to purchase one for a buck, ninety-nine, there should be an option to download Kindle for PC or Mac.

Have a beautiful, fun, safe New Year’s Eve celebration lovely ladies and gentlemen!  I’ll be in touch very soon!

#MomFactor: If you’re a single mom, all of the above applies to you. And I MEAN THAT. Get out there and date, lady! If you aren’t single, get out there with your significant other and DATE lady!

Now That We Snuck By the Apocalypse

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Since the world did not end and we snuck by the Apocalypse on December 21, 2012… AND since planet earth is now safe (yeah right) and sound (yeah right), I’ve got a brilliant idea: Let’s all go back to grieving the loss of Pluto.

Photo credit: http://www.isrealli.org/international-team-discovers-seven-new-planets-outside-our-solar-system/planets/

No?

Well, I’ll have you know, though I dragged my feet through drying concrete to do some things in the event the Mayan’s were right (Who knew? Apparently now someone found aNOTHER calendar, and yes, there is a new end of planet Earth in sight, but we’ll be long gone before that ending…), I worked diligently toward the following (and… SHEESH… oKAY. I’ll continue to do these things. Twist my arm.):

… I taught my two sons to respect women, and all humans… to be mindful of how their actions effect others, come hell or high water… or my wrath
… I made a few people laugh, (and laughed right along with them) which took me to a happy place many times
… I THINK I helped others see the importance of loving, truly living, and thinking outside of the box in all matters big and small (but showed them the small stuff is SO not worth sweating)
… I loved my family and did what I could to be a great mother, daughter, sister, aunt and more to everyone I’m connected to
… I lived a spiritual life, and realized there is more going on in this great universe then a chain of events caused by accident
… I traveled to a few of the beautiful and exotic places on my list
… I experienced some of the greatest times in work and play, and was given opportunities many only dream about

but most of all…


… I enjoyed every single moment of my life – Cinnabons or monkey bread (in a pinch), Jameson Irish Whiskey, Chocolate and Vodka (and since that list makes me feel way too sweet, I’ll throw in some enchiladas) all my cohorts

Of course, now that there IS no Apocalypse, my list seems a little morose, to say the least. It’s like I died or something. But I DIDN’T, which is cool, because it means I’ll just go on living my glorious life as usual. Gotta love that.

It’s been fun talking in what-ifs everyone! Now (munch munch… glug glug)… it’s down the hatch! Onward and upward toward the next millennia… BRING IT 2013!

Have a wonderful week. I can’t WAIT for the upcoming holidays. I’m like a kid in a candy store with Christmas. My plans are all set, and they’re gonna’ be grand, though they’ll be sans my two boys (sniff sniff). Be safe out there, and don’t let the crazies get the best of you. Spread a little sunshine, mixed with brash, balls out “funny,” and Enjoy Every Moment!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

Editor in (Mis) Chief

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All Blog content copyright 2012, LISA JEY DAVIS aka Ms. Cheevious

Things We Enjoyed This Week: Tech Talk iPhone 5 on SNL

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I’m revealing way too much about my age for my own good by saying this, but I actually remember the days of Saturday Night Live with Chevy Chase, Gilda Radner, John Belushi, Steve Martin and so many other comedic greats. I was young and impressionable, but god were they laugh-out-loud, pee-your-pants funny. I’ve always held to the belief that few casts since have matched the “funny” of that first group. Of course, there are obvious exceptions to that, and SNL has managed to maintain its seat at the throne of comedy for decades with some off-the-charts hilarious sketches. My dear friend from Bad Online Dates is an internet geek, and told me about this sketch she saw last weekend. She so graciously shared the link, and I have to say it is one of the BEST skits in a LONG time from SNL! It’s intelligent humor at its best. It KILLED both me and M.C. Nugget. And I don’t say that lightly. Rarely does something make me laugh so hard that I die, but this one did. Someone resuscitate me now.

Enjoy it as we did, but be ready with the defibrillator:

In the event the embedded video (above) does not display – even after you have refreshed your browser, I’ve provided an image of the video below which links directly to it. Feel free to click below if you can’t make the widget above work, but come back to click the links to some of the other great sketches I’ve provided here as well.

Tech Talk: iPhone 5 by Saturday Night Live (SNL)

Hey, as much of an old-school SNL girl I like to believe I am, that video ranks way up there.

As far as old-school, if you have ever heard someone say “We’re just some Wild & Crazy Guys?” but didn’t know it came from an iconic SNL sketch, then click here to check it out. If you’ve never heard the saying before in your life, well, I’m sorry. You can leave, after you crawl out from under your rock.

And if you haven’t seen these more recent skits, it’s about damn time… you will DEFINITELY need the defibrillator for at least one of these:  Dick in a Box and Schweddy Balls. And of course, if you have ever known anyone from Southern Californian, then you know they’ve NAILED it with their sketch The Californians.

Stay tuned for more of the Things We Enjoyed This Week, and perhaps something entirely different.

Enjoy Every Moment, you lovely ladies and gentlemen.

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

Editor in (Mis) Chief

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All Blog content copyright 2012, LISA JEY DAVIS aka Ms. Cheevious

I’m Thankful I’m Here to Write For You

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Please accept my apology for this post in advance.

I just spent the last few minutes perusing the internet. In those few moments I bounced from badly written article to uninteresting (and badly written) blog post. Basically, I wasted the past few moments.

Sigh.

I suppose it’s not a total waste. Perhaps there is a slight glimmer of hope in the very fact that people are still writing. I should be thankful for that.

But I am not.

I’ve scanned the entire canvas of my soul to determine what has become of the person who looked at the bright side of every story, of every dilemma, but I’m just plain tired (Is this a recurring theme in my posts of late, and a sign it’s quite simply just time for a good, long nap?). I don’t want to have to work to see the good in articles and posts I read. And I certainly don’t want to have to use a protractor and my miniscule knowledge of calculus to connect the dots in the story. I want those damn dots to jump up and sing to me.

So – here is my earth-shattering Thanksgiving post:

I’m thankful I’m here to write for you. As egotistical and self-serving as it sounds, I’m sorry, but it’s true.  I worked long and hard through my schooling (both private and public) to actually learn this beautiful, if not perplexing language of English. I learned to conjugate verbs, spell and utilize commas appropriately. I memorized the differences between homonyms like your and you’re, their, there and they’re, and I diagrammed sentences until I was literally dreaming about them.  I paid my dues and it stuck. I couldn’t properly diagram a sentence today if you paid me… not without a refresher course… but I learned how to put sentences together and what made them good, strong sentences… which is all that matters now.

So when I read something, anything, and the message is lost amid butchered language (slang and obvious artistic license aside) it makes me sad. Scratch that. It pisses me off.

So, I’m glad I’m here to write for you people… even if only five people actually take the time to read the words here on this page. If it ignites a fiery passion and encourages only one of those five to choose this wondrous medium from which to communicate their story… their adventure… well then it’s well worth it. Perhaps that person will go on to write posts whose dots sing and dance on the page. Perhaps those waltzing dots will inspire more, and a cycle of great writing will begin anew for upcoming generations.

Listen. I am not here to say that great writers of today are extinct. I’m here to say I’m tired of coming upon horrible writing, and from trusted sources, websites and magazine. It’s just enough to make me take my ball and go home.

Someone help me! If this keeps up, my skepticism and disillusionment over bad writing is sure to progress into skepticism and disillusionment over all of human-kind… and do you know what that means?  I may be in danger of becoming a ….

SCROOGE.

It’s about damn time too, after all my years of being Emily English Expert and Little Miss F*^#KIN’ Sunshine about it.

Dammit!  You see?  It’s already happening.

If I’m not careful I may RECEIVE some of my own HUMBUG SCHMUMBUG items from my store (it seems eons ago that I painted this… though it was just a few weeks ago):

http://www.cafepress.com/mscheevious/9503518

I’ve only provided the link above, in the event you feel that purchasing something from the Humbug Schmumbug shop might improve my mood or turn things around for me. It might.

Feel free to also send me links to worthy articles, but please be sure they’re written exceedingly abundantly well. I’m like a freaking fairy. If you believe in me you will send me great articles, and I will live. Otherwise, I’ll die a slow painful death.

That’s it. I’m done.

You may go about your business.

Have a great week everyone!

Love you people!  Mmmmphhhuuuhhh!!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

Editor in [Mis}Chief

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All Blog content copyright 2012, LISA JEY DAVIS aka Ms. Cheevious

Presents, Even If You Don’t Want Them

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One of the things I dislike most about the internet (and there isn’t a whole lot, because I love to engage with people this way. When done well, it’s so f-ing cool), is when websites squander too much of my time on a whole lotta nothin’. I dislike it even more when that “nothing” has even less to do with the title of the piece.

If your title is somewhat elusive, or a non sequitur like “Parenthood: A Panic Disorder” make the content interesting and clever, would ya?  I simply loved learning that the “Panic” (in said favorite blog post) came from the fact that the recent time change handed the writer’s young child six hits of acid and said to her,

listen, you’re going to want to take all of these at the same time. Don’t worry about hiding it from your mother. When you start to see the purple dancing elephants, chase them through the house. Narrate everything out loud*.

That’s what I’m talking about.

This comes to mind now, because I was looking around the internet at some of my lovey girls‘ websites, when I came upon a “Holiday Gift Guide.”  Aside from this little “reminder” annoying me (and aside from the fact it is not yet Thanksgiving), it caused the ever so slightest heart palpitation in me.

The real stress came from facing my need to buy presents square in the face…

Presents, that is, for MC Nugget, my two boys and several other people I apparently care enough about to spend money on. More than that, this Holiday Buying Guide just seemed way too freaking early (sigh… it’s not. I’m just not ready to be on that “page” right now).

But after the stress wore off, my initial thought was, hey… maybe I’ll do a buying guide. I could offer the very cool Ms. Cheevious Luggage Tags (hint: they’re in the side bar on the website) and my very own “Humbug Schmumbug, I Want Presents” Line of Tee Shirts, coffee mugs and more (my über talented sister Par-Tay took my painting & created an incredible design), well HELL,  I’d be in business!


These are the tags, in case you are curious.

But no. You see, when I started writing this, I had the luggage tags and tee shirts. That’s TWO products. And two frigging products maketh no buying “guide.” Two products is more of a buying “suggestion” or buying “nudge.”

Okay, so forget the fact that the very next day … after I began writing this, my fabulous sister and I buckled down and now have a full-fledged Humbug SHOP up and running, but still… It’s just not a guide, per se.

After I watched as several other nutty ideas for a “guide” swirled around my skull for a few moments (“Girls Want Presents” and “The Buying Guide of Stuff Girls Want” just two of the brilliant moments) I made a decision.

I will not do it.  Nope. I won’t subject you to any undo stress, heartaches, freak-outs or fainting spells.

But you must know this:  “It” is coming. Oh yes it is. The clock will not stop for you… and we now know what that time change is capable of…

Whether you celebrate Deepavali (day of love and light, which already happened), Quanza, Chanukah, Christmas or Joe’s Crab Tasting, there are probably presents involved – even if you don’t want them to be (notice the emphasis and red font, which categorically relieves me of my title-of-post tie-in responsibility?).

It’s time to grow up and get responsible kiddies.  Yep… You must ALLOW the idea of PRESENTS to enter your brain, even if you don’t want them there (yes… again).

And with that… I’m leaving you with —- wait for it — a CHRISTMAS song. Shameless and sacrilegious as it is before Thanksgiving. I apparently do want to subject you to slow suffering and pain, while you face your present-buying demons head-on. What’re you going to do? Not buy me a present? Well that’s a little harsh. It’s a Muppets song. Anyone can forgive the Muppets.

If you’re seeing this in your email, click here to listen/watch on Youtube. Just do it.

That’s it for now, my lovelies.  If at all possible, I will post a very special edition Thanksgiving post. Wait for it.

Love you people!!!!! Mmmmpppphhhuuuhhh!!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

Editor in [Mis]Chief

* Excerpted directly from Dooce, the blog. Love it.

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ASK MS. CHEEVIOUS

Have a question that is burning a hole in your brain about Ms. Cheevious…anything she does, her work, the book…life in general… or you want advice about a very important matter – go to our contact page & ASK AWAY.

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All Blog content copyright 2012, LISA JEY DAVIS aka Ms. Cheevious

My Man, A Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader and Replacement Refs

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Admit it. The title grabbed you, didn’t it?  My Man, a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader and Replacement Refs? And I’d wager a bet it was the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader that made you click. I prefer to think it was mention of my man that made ya’ click, but since, for all you know, my guy is a big yellow chicken named M.C. Nugget, I’m guessing the latter was the draw. It certainly wasn’t the replacement refs.  And what the heck was that about anyway?  Replacement refs? That was an exercise in futility if there ever was one.

Speaking of which, did anyone see the “Replacements” with Keanu Reeves?  He’s a cutie isn’t he? That movie has absolutely nothing to do with replacement refs, but hey, they could make a film called “The Replacement Refs.” If they cast Keanu I’d watch it. I really would.

Yeah, there’s nothing like good, strong references to sexy pro football cheerleaders, Keanu Reeves and replacement refs to attract both the men and the women to the blog! But let’s get to it, shall we?

The other night, Nuggie and I went to a Halloween party. No, it wasn’t the party at the Playboy Mansion that I talked about in another (shhh) blog. It was a party thrown by some friends at DirtyandThirty.com.  We had a great time at this party.  There were plenty of gorgeous Hollywood types, as usual. The party was held at the new Redbury Hotel, which we’d wanted to check out ever since it opened.  It was refreshing this year to attend a party not totally about sexy, slutty costumes. I’m sure there was crying in the men’s rooms that night as a result, but on the outside, M.C. and all the other guys put on their game faces, patronizing me (and all the other women) by agreeing they were very impressed with the costume creativity of the guests.

Some would say the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader costume is a sexy costume, and granted, this particular cheerleader looked great! But we’ve seen less coverage, and I must admit, though I am all for the eye candy that results from sexy nurses, pirates, belly dancers, etc. it was… NICE!  It felt as if we’d stepped into a Hollywood venue full of creative types or something… Oh wait.

But one of the greatest costumes (at least I thought) were two girls who dressed as the Replacement Refs. I wish I’d thought of it.  They were perfect too.  They had a copy of “Football for Dummies” with them, and were making all kinds of mistake “calls” all night.  It was pretty priceless.

We had fun, we rocked the place, and we got out.

Then we went out for a late night breakfast at another place we love in Hollywood called Kitchen 24. If you don’t live in LA and plan to visit, make a stop there. It’s one of the best late-night dining spots around.

So we played, drank and ate bad food late at night… we truly enjoyed a good ole’ fashioned late night out in Hollywood.  Ahhhhh, just the way I like it.

But now I’m tired. Just remembering the night makes me want to curl up on my feather bed. What has become of me?

Tune in next time for a special guest post from Ms. Marrie Lobel. You remember her. She wrote the fabulous piece about being glad she is a woman, which ROCKED.

Love you people!  Mmmmppphhhuuuhhh!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

Editor in [Mis]Chief

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All Blog content copyright 2012, LISA JEY DAVIS aka Ms. Cheevious